Everything was negative

[Ribenaberry12]

Spent the day out with my parents today and noticed that they their interpretation of EVERY thing and everyone was negative.
Guy on car parking wasn’t very good.
That area isn’t roped off very well.
Not paying that for a sandwich.
Theres too many people.
Theres not enough people.
This beer’s flat. (It wasn’t).
AD INFINITUM
They also expected everyone to short change them. Expected everyone providing a service to do it badly. Weren’t warm or friendly with anyone. I got embarrassed with they way they were talking to some people. They viewed everyone and everything as if they were out to get them. Couldn’t seem to have positive interaction with anyone. When I called them put on it they couldn’t see anything wrong with their attitude. I couldn’t understand it if they’d had a shit day but they hadn’t, they said they had a good time. I can’t understand why they’re treating people like they’re going to be ripped off or badly served. WTF IS WRONG WITH THEM???
I’ve come home baffled.

@Speckson my mum was born in 1942 and my dad in 1938. My dad is unremittingly critical and negative, my mum generally a pleasure to be around (if a bit pernickety about food and timings). Probably personality as much as anything? My mum once remarked of her own father (born 1910) that it was a shame he died before digital stuff really came in as she thought he would have got a lot of joy from digital cameras, email, internet searches etc.

Understanding and help. Nope what it needs is a good verbal kick up the backside. Which I do and now two of my sons.

We're not letting him continue unfettered because he's upset people that I like, who now avoid us. And he can't see it so has to be told clearly to zip it. Rinse and repeat.

He's just had a rant about selfish cyclists 🙄

My father would have been into digital technology too. He was born in 1894 (he was somewhat old when I was born 🙁) and remembered the first car in town (the doctor's). He loved new inventions, bought a TV as soon as the transmissions reached our part of the UK and a tape recorder (1950s). I remember him reading out excitedly from the newspaper about the first satellite in space.
nb. it seems weird to me that most people's grandparents were born in the 20th century. His dad, my grandfather, was born in 1859...

My parents went like this. I attributed it to the realisation of the relentless hurtling towards death that dawns on people when they progress through their 70s.

you’re describing my MIL utterly tedious. We limit our time with her as she does nothing but complain.

Nope what it needs is a good verbal kick up the backside

I agree- it's not an excuse to be rude to people. We all have problems in life, and it's not an excuse to say mean or unkind things to others. Its really embarrassing when someone you are with is being obviously rude to people in front of you.

My MIL has been like this for years, always looking over her shoulder for someone trying to cheat her, always seeing the worst in everything and everyone. She's got some pretty serious mental health issues at the moment and paranoia is a big part of it. Looking back, she's always been anxious and hypercritical of herself and others, and old age seems to be intensifying what was already in her character. It makes it very difficult to know how to help her or reassure her, because she doesn't trust anyone and won't hear of seeking medical help.

My dad (who is living with me) has Alzheimer's and seems to have gone the other way. He's appreciative of everything, says "Ooh, I say, is it my birthday?" every time you serve him a meal 😂 and keeps talking about how lucky he is and how lovely where we live is etc. Even his memories of quite troubled times in his life (like grammar school where he was beaten every week and bullied for being a Catholic) have mellowed to the point that he only retains the good bits. He certainly hasn't always been like that, he's always been the classic artistic temperament with high anxiety and mood swings and periods of depression. I know things will probably change as his dementia progresses, but at the moment it's fascinating how sunny-natured he is.

I work mainly with older people and most are lovely but many are quite negative and as someone upthread said, it’s draining. It’s also frustrating when they assume that you’re not on their side or that they’re getting something second-rate when they’re really not. It’s tiring to keep going for nearly 8 hours trying to inject positive energy into proceedings. I try to acknowledge briefly then move on to the task in hand. Some people have really difficult lives and yet are so positive, they are amazing and inspiring. I must remember to try and be like that!

Good grief, that's when I was born

My dps born in war and aren't too bad

My maternal dgps were always cheerful and optimistic, born around WW1

I know quite a few 80 and 90 somethings who are positive and interested in life and other people.

I hope to be like that.

I don't think it's generational, I think some people are just like that!

My parents were born in the 1940s,
before the welfare state came in. Lots of whingeing, huge sense of entitlement, lots of negativity. Yet I know others of a similar age who aren't like that at all.

Don't brains change as we get older so we become more insular and focussed on our own needs, with less empathy for others?

Mine did a lengthy classic moan a while ago, on and on and on about how what I'd had done to my house was so much easier than what they'd had to deal with. They had a room redecorated. It took a week and the decorator moved the furniture for them. They're retired. I'd done a five month full house renovation whilst working full time and with a primary aged child! I'm not sure what aspect of that was meant to be easier!

our very difficult to please parents are all late 1940s babies.

However, my grandparents born in 1910s and 1920s were upbeat, active, interested, interesting and were absolutely the kindest people ever. They were amazing listeners & were always happy to hear about “the youth” and how the world was changing around them. I miss them very much!

I hope I’m more like the latter. I’m learning to really listen to people and their stories. Especially at work.

I certainly think some of it in older couples is a feeling of being stuck with the other person- who they no longer like that much-

With single older people I've found it's a mix and as someone else said I think it's a combination of depression, aches and pains and downright boredom- many have no interests or hobbies and local friends have died/moved away/in care etc

My FIL is 84 and despite having been widowed twice he is actually quite jolly, still drives 200 miles to see us fairly regularly (he prefers coming to us ) he does suffer from the thinking everyone's out to rip him off but that's as bad as he gets

I think your maths is way off. If you were born in 1960 you’re going to be 64 at the most. So not really very old (yet). Plenty of people born in the 1970s have still got children in secondary school!

Plenty of people born in the 1970s still have children at primary school too!

I'm in my 70's and am aware of having grumpy days but I pull myself together before I go out because nobody likes a whinger. Sometimes everyday life is a huge worry (health issues, will our savings run out before we die, who's going to mend the leaky shower etc, etc) and other days I just cope better with it all. If I was ever as nasty to other people as I've read on here, I'd hope my family would pull me up on it at the time (in a friendly huggy way!) cos I'd be mortified.

Sometimes, as your world gets smaller and future options become limited, life can feel pretty miserable but that's never an excuse for being mean.

@Lifestooshort71 yep- I think smaller worlds mean you focus on things that aren't always a biggie - when life's a lot more varied and can make some seem negative. The other things you mention are pertinent too- I had some health things 2 years ago post covid (I'm now 62) and I know for at least 10 months I was totally preoccupied and constantly anxious and not exactly a barrel of laughs

I feel your pain OP I took my 80yr mum into town yesterday and omg the moaning and negativity, must be an age thing

My mum is only mid 50's but she's the exact same never a good word to say about anyone & every time we go out to eat she's always got some complaints it's so exhausting

My elderly dad is the same. I think old age must be scary and stressful.

Maybe the message these elderly complainers are trying to convey is:

All my joints hurt, I can't hear, I'm frightened of dementia and cancer and death. I wish I was young again, I've wasted my life....

But they can't say any of that out loud because it's too scary and won't change anything. So they just complain about cold milk in coffee because at least that's controllable.

My Mum is like this, almost all the time.
Everything is rubbish and everyone is out to do her some harm or take advantage or have an ulterior motive.
I've been suffering lately with the menopause and my Dr wanted me to try supplements before HRT. Fine I'm happy to do that.
I don't like in the UK and the supplements are expensive here, what does Mum say!....how much? they saw you coming...

Thanks Mum.

@AudiobookListener yes- I think that's a big part of it too

My cousin sent me a joke once, it was a cartoon of 2 elderly ladies in a restaurant, and the waiter is standing beside them asking "Is anything alright with your meal, ladies?"

That just sums it up really, and was perfect timing as we'd just been out for Mother's Day lunch with our mums and they did nothing but sneer and moan all the way through it.

"Misery loves company" right enough.

I like the sound of your Dad. 👍🏻

He sounds brilliant.