Can dementia present with behavioural and personality and aggressions more than memory loss?

[Stotar]

I'm going through a terrible time right now with my mother. Basically two and half years ago I noticed something about my mother and she had a spell where she didn't talk to me. There was no speech or conversation from her and it was so odd. I wasn't critical or sarcastic of her or angry but she just didn't talk to me.

It was so odd. It was at that point when I began to wonder if she was going senile. I began to piece together other stuff. She was easily angered. I remember one time going for a shower and when I was ready with my shower, I cleaned the bathroom and I wiped the floor with the towel that I used because that was going in for the wash anyways. I stepped out of the bathroom and I only had one floor out the door and she barged into the bathroom with the mop and started going around in circles over and over while shouting at me about the wet floor. The floor wasn't that wet and all that was needed was time to let steam evaporate. She behaved as if someone was going to come in at that point and walk on the damp floor. The mop she was using was also wet and she was wetting the floor herself. While shouting at me and blaming me.

It wasn't the first shouting spell of that nature from her. Another morning I was getting a fresh and clean tea towel and she raged at me over that.
Mo ths went by and she was ignoring a toilet leak and I waited to see if she was going to get a plumber or at the time I had a brother living at home but he was an alcoholic and she placed so much faith in him. Eventually she got me to get recommendations for a plumber and I did. I got recommendations for a plumber and I consulted with her before booking him. After he left she became far too critical of his work and shouted at me yet again - DONT FUCKING PHONE HIM AGAIN.

Basically her personality and thinking and comprehension wasn't very right. I began to piece all of this together and I began to think of she was going senile.

A few months after me thinking this, I found that she had items of my underwear amongst her own laundry as if they were hers. Even though we are different sizes. I reflected on that and I could understand one or two pieces of underwear getting mixed up in laundry but so many pieces of my underwear? No way. I now realise that she was going into my room snooping and taking my underwear even though my underwear wouldn't even fit her.

I discovered a situation where she became utterly enraged at the idea of a sibling wanting to come home from abroad with his family and there was no reasoning or logic with her.

I have many more observations and I long list of things and so much more.

During a time of stress two years ago she broke out and told me the most oddest tale. I realised that it must be more of my suspicions around the possibly of dementia and I knew not to deny her her reality and I listened to her and I tired to redirect her. She became utterly angry at me - 'Are you listening to me?' she demanded.

There been other things too.
Like poor planning sometimes. The sequencing of chores. She will sometimes stop things to move to another area to touch and feel things. Sometimes she looks confused especially first thing in the mornings.

I strongly suspect there's something happening with her. I chatted with her GP two years ago but I got nowhere with this. The GP asked me if there's any forgetfulness and I was honestly able to answer no.

She's getting worse now.

She's more easily angered and her facial expressions and hand gestures just don't look right to me. I think there is some forgetfulness coming in now.

Basically I am in a terrible place.

I really see things happening.

Right now I have a sibling home on holidays. I was going to write to the local GP office with a list of what I observed over the past few years about her. My brother and his wife do t see anything wrong with her. What they don't know is that nearly every time they have their backs turned she's acting out like a toddler and I am getting the brunt end of her anger. She knows to keep it quite and low and how to hide the anger. Also something else has happened this evening. Her sister/my Anu t would like to see her and the family and visit but my my mother is rejecting this social meet up. It's so so so so so odd.

I really think there's something happening with my mother but I am coming up against a brick wall. With everything and everyone. It seems as if doctors and even .y sibling and his wife would like to see my mother struggle with identifying with what a carton of milk is and what are clothes are before they will even consider the possibly of dementia.

I see so many things with her that's not right. She's utterly utterly utterly bitter and angry and she's far too critical of my brother and his wife of their parenting but they don't hear her vile words. She's directing it all to me.

She's just not behaving right at times. It seems as if she's currently using water as a ritual to relax herself or something. That's what it looks like to me.

My DM's dementia presented in a very similar way. Her aggression and violence became worse and worse.

Is there any possibility you can move out for your own wellbeing?

I will explore this and have a look.

It is such a common misconception that it is all about memory loss. There are so many symptoms to each type of dementia and that is further complicated when it is mixed dementia. I heard someone sum it up perfectly the other day.

"If you've met one person with dementia, you have met one person with dementia."

There are common symptoms but each person can be so different and each sex can be different. For example with Alzheimer's, research I have read has shown that women can loose their language earlier than men. That was definitely true for my mum and dad. My Mum really started to loose her language very early on, in fact it was one of the symptoms where I started to get worried but dad was more in the later stages of the disease.

It does seem at this stage you need to try and convince her to go for an appointment and get tested because it may or may not be dementia. It could be raft of other things the body, as we age, can become incredibly depleted but also infections can show up very differently.

Both my parents died of dementia and throughout the dementia period some of the symptoms were the same, some very different and some an exaggeration of their personalities. The ritual thing sounds like my Dad. He could sit for hours arranging the coins that were in a drawer next to the chair he sat in. He also had many other rituals.

I also have a friend who's Mum has been recently diagnosed with Dementia and she said the aggression and cruelness towards her is incredibly hard to deal with especially because her mum is not behaving the same way towards her other children.

Do you have both LPAs because if not I would get those sorted as soon as possible?

I wish you a lot of luck. It is so sad to see your parents start to decline because you feel helpless and you now will take on a different role for them.

No, dementia does not always present as forgetfulness, particularly at the beginning. Often, the first thing you see is problems with things like problem solving or reasoning. A lack of abity to 'cope' with any sort of stress. Sometimes people may behave in all sorts of bizarre ways to try and make sense of a world that is becoming confusing for them or to try and cover up from their relatives. Frustration at not understanding what is happening to them or why the world seems so strange can lead to odd or aggressive behaviour.

However, your Mum needs checking up to see what's happening to her. And you need to keep an open mind. It could be any number of things. Clearly, you're not in the UK, but doesn't she get any sort of health cover if she is of advanced years?

She has free medical card which entitled her to fre GP visits, prescriptions, dental work, hospitals (public system).

She used to look after her health.

The GP office was ringing her since May but she's not picking up and engaging with them. I think it was for the yearly blood pressure monitor and bloods.

She wasn't feeling well in April and she ignored her symptoms for up to a week and then eventually she rang the doctor for an appointment emtn but she couldn't get an appointment straight away until the next day. It made no sense. It was UTI and shingles.

She used to look after her health but she's ignoring it now.

It is impossible to get her to the doctor about this and I don't know how.

Do I phone the GP office or write a letter or make an appointment myself and see what plan i can come up with with the GP. I attend the same practice. I have no idea how to get her to the GP.

I'm seeing my brother and his wife break their backs helping my mother with DIY tasks around the home. They spend thousands of their own money and took weeks out of their life to come home to spend a summer together and it should be a beautiful time together especially with her grandchild. All I see from my mother is hate at every opportunity that she can get. Hate on my brother's wife. Hate to me. Hate. Hate. Hate.

My mother's sister is also home but she's staying on the other side of the county and she would like to see my mother and all of us and all my mother is doing is making excuses. Excuses. Excuses. Excuses. Excuses. Excuses. Not to meet her.

My mother and the rest of the family we could take an afternoon or evening off from whatever activities planned and just go and meet with my aunt/her sister.

As you go to the same GP practice, perhaps see your GP and share your concerns. They may be able to get her in under some ruse or other. Like being overdue for her medication. She will probably be aware that something is wrong with her and may also fear it is what happened to her mother. Which it may well be, but ignoring it won't help anyone. Good luck.

And as other posters have said, look for somewhere else to live. You sound like her anger person which is too tough on you.