My DM has been in her care home since September. I chose it because it was close to me, looked cosy and there was a reassuring mix of ages (DM is only 67 with Alzheimer’s). It’s a nice enough home as and all the relatives I have met rave about. Unfortunately they are not equipped to handle my Mum. She has deteriorated significantly since moving in and I am rarely able to take her out as she is often too sleepy or says she feels sick after the smallest amount of walking. She has had X-rays and scans and has kidney stones and diverticulitis. She screams every day in the home and has recently started smearing her poo. The home and local mental health team are in a tug of war over whether she needs more medication or more engagement. Care home wants her medication upped, MH are reluctant due to risk of stroke (she has a terminal illness but hey ho) MH team want staff to engage her more in the daily activities. If they do there is no evidence (there are photo albums in the lobby of activities and many Facebook posts, mum is rarely if ever in them and hasn’t been featured for months, in fact it’s the same old faces every time, the well behaved perfect residents with contented dementia, I’m sorry but it was a selling point in the beginning but now it makes me so angry!) Care home now say she needs one to one every evening, MH team said one to one to come in and take her out a couple of times a week (I don’t honestly think she is up to this as MH team have previously always overestimated mums abilities). Anyway a chat with MH team today and she has basically said I need to start looking for a new home because it is a matter of not if but when they give her notice. I don’t know what to do. The care home regularly ring me to complain about Mums behaviour. I have had a carer tell me to come in more to see her (I do 2/3 times a week). They act like I have the magic answer but I don’t. They called tonight with Mum in tears in the background, I spoke to her to calm her down but I couldn’t work out what she was talking about and within seconds of the conversation ending I could hear her crying. On top of everything I’m recovering from Covid which is flooring me in the afternoon and evening and making me exhausted achy and breathless. It’s a longer post than expected to say it’s basically all going tits up. What I want to ask is have any of you gone through this and did you find a forever care home for your non compliant difficult screamy aggressive parent? I’ve seen rumours online of nhs dementia units but I don’t know if Mum is extreme enough for that. Can someone who didn’t have a peaceful perfect parent please give me some reassurances?