Really really don't want to care for parent

[ReallyBadEyeDeer]

Will probably get shot for that.

But I just really don't. For many reasons.

• history of very difficult traumatic relationship
• they have mental and physical issues that do not make them easy to care for
• I am just not a caring person at all
• I have a very busy job and other hobbies and children commitments

Everything on line says "oh yes this will be very very difficult so don't let yourself burn out" but basically assumes you will still do it. Or that you'll personally fund a carer for them if you can't. And I know many many women do manage to do it.

I have no funds to pay for a carer. Parent certainly does have funds but doesn't want to pay for anyone else to care for them but is incapable of looking after themself.

I just cannot face it.

No is a complete sentence. You don't have to give reasons or excuses, no one can force you.
They will try and pass their responsibility on to you to save themselves money, that isn't your problem, it's theirs.

Just say 'no, I'm afraid I can't help at all' and repeat then ignore.

You don't owe your mother anything. If she can afford care then she can pay for it, if she can't then social services can sort it out.

When you're 4 years into that, let us know whether you feel as chipper as you do now

But if I bring any of this up to SS etc they just ignore it. I've even been told by nurses at the hospital "well we do it

There are several threads running on MN at the moment about the carers allowance scandal and how family carers are treated. The NHS workers are conspicuous by their abscence. Its like tumbleweed. Yet post a thread about how can we improve the NHS and its like a klaxon has gone off and the health workers on here (not all of them but a good amount of them) are lining up to patient blame and moan about how families arent doing enough yet post a thread about how family carers are being treated re CA and they couldnt give less of a shit!

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5048517-to-bring-your-attention-to-the-carers-benefit-fraud-scandal?page=1

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5045433-carers-allowance-and-benefit-fraud?reply=134540759

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5049094-to-think-the-carers-allowance-scandal-shows-the-uncaringness-of-the-dwp#:~:text=The%20pressure%20on%20the%20prime,a%20few%20pounds%20a%20week. The threads are nowhere near as long as the NHS ones are either.

4 years!?!? My aunt lasted less than 4 days caring for my gran before she dialled 999 and said if they didn’t come and get her then she was going to hold a pillow over her face!