This is a bit long, sorry.
This is about my FIL(86) and my DS(8), so his DGC. FIL does fairly well for his age although he has started to slow down a lot. Nothing significant, just age-related decline with some forgetfulness and getting muddled. MIL died years ago.
FIL has two DGC - the other DGC(7) by SIL. FIL has started being unkind to my DS but not the other DGC and I don’t know whether to ignore it, politely call him out on it etc.. DH gets annoyed but doesn’t say anything and says to ignore him.
Examples:
DS was sitting on the sofa next to me watching tv recently when FIL suddenly started almost shouting at DS “you need to grow up; you’re an adult now and you need to act your age. You’ve been stuck in this stage for two years now and you need to stop it and grow up”. Then he said “all you ever do when you come around here is break thing’s, smash them and it’s not acceptable. You need to grow up.”
He repeated the above two statement another two times. I was wtf and too shocked to speak. DH was in another room watching the football and didn’t hear. DS later said he had no idea what grandad was talking about but said he sensed he was being told off.
For context - we have absolutely no idea what FIL is on about. DS has NEVER broken or damaged anything, and the growing up comments I think stem from when DS was about 6 he had a big tantrum when we were leaving (out of character) and FIL still brings it up nearly 3 years later.
Secondly, DS won the end of year Best Progress prize for his y3 class last July. We were so proud as he has struggled with possible dyslexia so DS took the certificate to show his DGF the next day and he looked at it and then said to me “well that’s surprising given how he is” and he sat down and picked up the tv remote. DS looked so sad at his DGF response and later cried when we left.
Yesterday we visited and DS did his times tables homework while we were there. FIL started on at him that if doesn’t do his homework and try hard then his younger cousin will overtake him and be better than him at school, especially now that his cousin is at an independent school. He said it several times. DS later cried when we were at home.
We visit every week and FIL usually starts telling DS when we go to leave that he is an adult now (at 8!) and he needs to behave himself and not have a tantrum (all because of one tantrum he was 6).
I am getting really irritated and annoyed with FIL but I don’t know if I am overthinking it, but DS gets upset at all these comments as he’s a sensitive child. I’ve said FIL is getting old and sometimes they say things they don’t mean but I’m also annoyed with DH for not politely telling his DF to stop with these comments. I’m at the point where I really don’t like FIL anymore.
DNephew has also recently moved to an independent school so FIL now tells DH and I all about nephews ‘superior education’ and that DNephew will likely overtake DS now academically even though he’s a year younger.