So bloody exhausted waiting for someone to die 2

[StiffyByngsDogBartholomew]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/elderly_parents/4866628-so-bloody-exhausted-waiting-for-someone-to-die?page=1
Carrying on from our original discussion

@TheShellBeach well not really, he said he isn't feeling the benefits at all.
I've had to stop responding to the messages as they are non stop & he's obviously angry with me that he's there.

I honestly think you're better off ignoring his messages.

Have you even managed to clean the house yet? I remember that was bothering you.

JellyWellyBoots That’s perfect then, tell him everyone is recommending a longer stay as he is doing so well there. You don’t sound as if you’ve had a rest at all and as I’ve said before I’m much older than you, and mum has been in the care home six week now and I still feel rubbish.
The mental load is the worst and that’s the thing you’re not getting a break from. It’s awful but it’s not going to get better. You have to make the change happen. Good luck I hope you get a peaceful weekend.

Not that I think you ought to be cleaning your house, don't get me wrong.

Listen to @Metoo15 who has nowhere near recovered after a whole six weeks.

Good. Well done!

Now you need the next step and stop reading them in the first place. If it's a real emergency, it will be the home calling you, ot him, and they will leave an aswerphone message/ phone again repeatedly if you don't pick up or read a text. So you have no need to read anything from him or the home.

I seriously think you should have another week's respite. Your MH is at risk. If you won't do it for yourself, do it for those who depend on you and need you to be well.

What @MereDintofPandiculation said. If it's important the home will fall. The rest is just manipulation.

Fully agree.
And you need to consider very seriously if you'll have him back at all.

You have a child to look after, as well as yourself.

Your dad has behaved appallingly, I know it's easier said than done but I think he needs some hard truths.
you have a 6 year old abd are a single mum abd work. You need to prioritise her. And keeping a roof over your head.
he obviously is full of resentment abd anger, whatever you do will never change that or be enough.
I think the light for me came when DF thought Dd should miss a party so she could visit my mum instead. They don't care about anyone but themselves and however nice they used to be they are so completely wrapped up in their own misery it's impossible for them to see anyone else needs to take precedence. And think everyone should be running around and feeding their misery 24/7.

I'm sitting writing this in the drive of my parents house, I know when I go in I will just get. Catalogue of moaning, woe that I didn't go yesterday afternoon after my extra day at work and how awful it's been in the last 24hrs. Probably some medical dilemma
he won't ask how I am at all

You need Stinker Pinker to appear, Stiffy, to sweep you off your feet.

(Sorry. I know it's really hard for you. I love your user name, though)

I felt so angry for you reading that. What kind of life is this? I am sure this is not what you had planned for yourself when you got married and pregnant. It sounds really tough. I wish I had some answers for you. I’m just feeling really annoyed for you right now. X

Omg I never thought anyone would get it !
lve been on MN for years under various Wodehouse ladies' names. And Nigel Pargetter

I've seen Honoria Glossop and Madeleine Bassett.
Lady Florence Craye has escaped my notice though.

DaphneDeloresMorehead was a particular fave :)

I am so sorry to hear this. Complicated relationships can lead to really difficult grieving. I am sure you have done all you can for your mum. Do you really think she means it or is it the ‘illness’ talking and she is lashing out at someone close to her? I am sure that your gut feeling is probably right. Good luck for the days ahead.X

Ugh, how irritating. Without this respite, you won’t be in a fit state to be able to go back to this endless list of demands. Stand your ground.

@JellyWellyBoots Try and have a long think over the weekend about whether you can cope with having your Dad back. You certainly haven’t had a break and you definitely need to put you and your daughter first. It’s likely that your Dad will be even more demanding if he returns to your house because he’ll want revenge for you placing him in respite.

Well dad wasn't too bad today as he was looking forward to the hairdresser coming. I did however get told off for talking too much to the hairdresser.

the hairdresser is my childhood best friends cousin, I have known him since I was 11 and he was 16. I am now almost 48. We went to his wedding, he came to ours and he was one of the first people to see DD as mum was at the salon when I came home from hospital and we popped in to surprise her. so it's fair to say HD abd I have lots of shared history! But anyway...mustn't talk too much 😂

I hate that they become selfish then tell you off as if it’s your fault, it’s so frustrating. My mum was a wonderful grandma to my two, but yesterday when it was time to leave, because I was babysitting my DGC she said in her annoyed voice “ well if that’s what you want to do it’s up to you “ WHAT, of course it’s what I want to do. They have no idea have difficult it all is.

Thank you, @TheShellBeach

And thank you, @RescueRespect
I am really hoping that it was just rage at what the cancer has stolen from her. It's taken so much, so quickly.
@JellyWellyBoots please, please try and stand your ground. You have the right to your own life.

Home at last ! Been out since 5am and just got in after doing some food shopping after DPs, school run. Poured a massive G&T even thought I've another 4.30 start tomorrow
in a fit of pay day extravagance I also bought 3 Krispy Kreme filled doughnuts and fondly intend on eating 1.5 of them after my dinner ! We have a DH-free evening so we are watching Taylor Swift reputation tour (we both love her)

two good things happened today. DHs much loved watch that hasn't worked for 4 years randomly started working again yesterday and has carried on working today. He's utterly thrilled. And I took my keyboard that mum and dad bought me in the early 90s into work and hid in an unused meeting room on my lunch break. So I got a whole hours' practice in for an upcoming festival performance:) I'm all about maximising my time 😂. I think we could all to a PhD on it on this thread

I think maybe trying the Pollyanna approach might be a good way to try and deal with it all. My mum always adopted this attitude and she was a very positive, affirming character. It still amazes me how she remains so cheerful . So I shall Try and think of good things that have happened in the day.
im a firm believer that happiness is a choice, that we have no control over what happens to us but we can learn to control our reactions and make them more positive. My default is definitely glass half empty like my Dad and it takes a huge amount of willpower to get out of that. MH issues notwithstanding, I believe we can try to take steps to make ourselves happy by focusing on the positive not the negative. By exercising the happiness muscles. I've found The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubins very interesting but I start with good intents and then fall off the wagon. I need to work to exercise my positivity muscles.

so in that vein
what has been positive for you today. It doesn't matter if that's tiny. If all it is is getting a tin of half priced Heinz baked beans in the shopping when you usually only buy own brand (yup happened tonight). If it's just listening to your fave song on the way to work and singing at the top of your voice. Or a treble gin 😂

Lovely idea, @StiffyByngsDogBartholomew
My positives: walking in the soft pink dawn back to my house to feed my little cat

The frost on the ground this morning was really beautiful 😊. I'm enjoying a cup of coffee and a sit down having been up for 4 hours and finally found a moment's peace!