She's still with us, but has advanced dementia. She doesn't know who I am anymore. On the good days she's pleased to see me because she understands that she knows me, but isn't sure why. On the bad days she thinks I'm a total stranger.
Just a bit of a whinge. We've been living with it for a while so it's not a new situation, but every so often it hits me, especially at this time of year. Like a wave of grief that I won't ever get her back.
I passed a woman my age and her Mum in the supermarket last week, shopping for Christmas stuff. I ended up leaving my shopping to go and cry in the car. I decorated a Christmas tree for her and found an unopened box of baubles that she must have bought before she became ill and had never used. I hung them up but it was so hard. I just miss her.