Oh I feel for you. I understand refusing treatment for things but only if you are then prepared to accept the consequences.
My mother, to give her credit where it is very much due, has refused any life extending treatment options (heart related) and is very annoyed at still being here.
Over the years, I have been pleased when she's called and said she's done stuff independently. She's even been to cafes alone - unthinkable ten years ago. In the heatwave, she went to town early, got a milkshake alone in a pla e with air con. A big thing for her.
What pisses me off is the "shall I just go on the stepladder briefly" -NO! Who will have more weeks of hell when you've broken a bone?
I now just say that sort of thing. When we put her in respite care recently, I just told her - through tears - that she was going for my benefit, even if she thought she didn't need it.
I do remember genuinely feeling that I might die of stress before dad died though. He was always conscious of not being a bother.
There is a much bigger risk I will go before mum now, as I am fat, and have recently taken up smoking. People in the family have heart attacks in late 40s when they actually looked after themselves.
Dad also apologised for being a bother, every day, for the last three months of his life. I really appreciated that. Didn't help much at the time, but I appreciated it.
My neighbour recently lost his mum, at 100. I said sorry when I saw him. He told me to please stop talking. The relief was writ large. I cannot begin to understand how he has coped. He's been at his mum's nearly every day since I moved here - 14 years ago. He has a two week holiday every year but that's it.
And breathe.....