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Elderly parents

Mother feeding cats- at a loss.

88 replies

speakout · 10/12/2022 20:09

My elderly mother lives wih us- she totally dotes on our two family cats.
I have cleaned up four piles of cat vomit in the past 24 hours.
Both cats are on the heavy side, one in particular, but my mother just won't stop feeding them Dreamies.
They are fed adequate amounts at regular intervals, but my mother hides packets of cat treats in her bedroom, pockets, bags.
From the content of the vomit it looks like they are each eating more than a packet a day. They will over eat on these type of treats.
She gets a huge amout of pleasure from feeding the cats, and I am at a loss.
I have suggested that she takes over feeding them one meal a day, I have pinned a feeding schedule to the fridge door, so any of the family can feed at the appropriate time and tick off, she agrees, but then instantly ignores.
She also feeds then cheap processed ham- easily a packet each- which again I often see in vomit.
My mother claims to love the cats more than anyone, and tells me I am cruel.
I am concerned as my cats grow older and are so heavy.

OP posts:
Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 30/12/2022 08:43

I think you have misread my post op. I was implying whilst your dm's mh isn't affected by her behaviour I bet yours is. And if she was away from your home and your poor dcats your life - and theirs - would be better. Your dm doesn't trump you in terms of well-being.

RettyPriddle · 30/12/2022 08:48

OP, this sounds awful. It seem like you’ve been putting up with your mum’s poor behaviour all your life. I think you should put yourself - and your cats - first. Good luck

BanjoVio · 30/12/2022 08:56

Is there someone who could foster your cats while they get well again? I’m really sorry to suggest it but it sounds like these poor animals need rehoming if your mother doesn’t stop this and you can’t foster them out for a while.

Blip · 30/12/2022 10:49

Is there a way to give your mother another interest to replace feeding the cats?

Or maybe get her a hamster or similar to feed instead? I'm not sure if you can over feed these?

I think phoning the vet before taking your mum to see her for a lecture is a good idea. Then make a zero tolerance rule. Say that she is not to feed the cats or hide ham or cat treats around the house or in your room and that if she cannot respect this rule she will need to be rehomed and not the cats.

If she moans to other people in front of you that she cannot treat the cats say "mum the vet has explained to you that your overfeeding is cruel and is causing serious health issues for the cats".

speakout · 30/12/2022 11:48

Blip - in fact that's what happened.
I bought my mother an interactive companion pet- a toy for christmas.
She is completely obsessed with it- it purrs when stroked, moves, sleeps, she has a couple of outfits for it, has her alarm set for grooming and "feeding" time, it sits on her knee- something my real cats won't do.
She is completely ignoring my actual cats- no evidence of her feeding them, they are back on a healthy schedule, and no vomiting since christmas eve.
Thanks for the advice.

OP posts:
Blip · 30/12/2022 12:21

Bravo OP what great problem solving!

Suzi888 · 30/12/2022 12:42

Brilliant news!

LemonSwan · 30/12/2022 12:48

Give her a bag of special treats from the vet as dreamies make them ill.

(aka a fancy kibble).

Both MIL and cats will be tricked by this.

LemonSwan · 30/12/2022 12:49

Good news! Should really rtft 😂

CharlotteStreetW1 · 30/12/2022 12:54

Wow that's great! Well done OP!

MrsSkylerWhite · 30/12/2022 12:55

Who does the shopping?

FictionalCharacter · 30/12/2022 13:16

FuckMyLife2022 · 10/12/2022 22:57

She is cruel to your cats and was to her own.

She was so awful to her children that your sister left home at 14. I can’t imagine she was nice to you.

So why the fuck is she living with you? Elderly or not, this is a form of self harm OP. I’d ramp up the therapy and get her out of your home.

I agree with this. You're already aware that she's a narcissist and she will never change her behaviour. She caused her own cats to die prematurely. She pins yours to the floor to give them unwanted attention. She's slowly killing them with an overload of unsuitable food. Yet she's manipulated you so successfully she has you thinking you are being cruel to her!

Why does she live with you? She sounds absolutely horrible, whiny and nasty (telling people you've been mean to her?!)
This clearly goes way beyond the situation with the cats and you would have a much happier, healthier household without her. She probably has you believing you're obliged to house her and look after her, but you are not. If she had no daughter she'd be living somewhere else.

PritiPatelsMaker · 30/12/2022 15:16

So glad that you've found a solution.

Was just going to question the waiting list for sheltered accommodation. Before Covid my DM's place had a 5 year waiting list . Now it's zero. Have you spoken to them yourself to see where she is on the list?

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