Mother feeding cats- at a loss.

[speakout]

My elderly mother lives wih us- she totally dotes on our two family cats.
I have cleaned up four piles of cat vomit in the past 24 hours.
Both cats are on the heavy side, one in particular, but my mother just won't stop feeding them Dreamies.
They are fed adequate amounts at regular intervals, but my mother hides packets of cat treats in her bedroom, pockets, bags.
From the content of the vomit it looks like they are each eating more than a packet a day. They will over eat on these type of treats.
She gets a huge amout of pleasure from feeding the cats, and I am at a loss.
I have suggested that she takes over feeding them one meal a day, I have pinned a feeding schedule to the fridge door, so any of the family can feed at the appropriate time and tick off, she agrees, but then instantly ignores.
She also feeds then cheap processed ham- easily a packet each- which again I often see in vomit.
My mother claims to love the cats more than anyone, and tells me I am cruel.
I am concerned as my cats grow older and are so heavy.

What would happen if you very clearly said ‘you can’t feed the cats Dreamies, you’re making them ill’. Te her that the vet said so if need be.

I know she gets pleasure from it, but it’s not fair on the cats (or you!)

Thanks- I have tried that, she nods then ignores me.
She honestly thinks I am being mean by not giving the cats treats.

Take your mum to the vet to hear it from them directly?

This really does not sound like a good situation for the cats, which I guess you know, or for you what with the cleaning up vomit.

Along with getting the vet to explain the gravity of the situation to your mum, which I was going to suggest, are there other ways your mum could interact with the cats that do not involve food? Do the cats like playing with toys, being groomed, or posing for photos?

Don't buy dreamies anymore or hide them well

Put one meal aside for her to fed it as treats a day. That way she gets fun but the cats are getting the right amount of food.

My mum had dementia and would water her beloved plants to death no matter how much I explained, put reminders, etc

She'd just forget she'd watered them already, not check soil, then water them again the same day.

Is your mother well in other aspects? Is it just the cat feeding that is feeling odd?

erinaceus - I don't ever buy cat treats- my mother does and hides them.
I think part of the reason she enjoys feeding them is that she struggles to interact with them in other ways.
She tries to stroke when they are not in the mood, she will pin them down to groom, they bite and scratch her often.
It seems food is something she can find to have communication.
I have invited her to join in the feeding schedule, but she is often busy, out, asleep, or not interested, she only wants to feed the cats when she is interested, rather than when they are hungry.
Who would have thought such a thing could cause so much tension!

Creamcheesedreams I had thought of dementia or some cognitive decline, but she had had this behaviour for decades.

Be blunt. I have had to be tough on a neighbour who keeps feeding my cats ham, and sometimes the "you're killing them" speech is what is needed.

Cats can’t digest ham so she is poisoning them.
what does she say when you show her the sick?

Physically take the treats away from mom. Ban her from wherever the ham is. Do it 20 times a day. Add the line " you are now responsible for all cat vet bills"

Compulsively over-feeding our cats was one of the first signs of my grandmother's dementia.

It's actually a recognised sign. The behaviour started about 10/12 years before she got a proper diagnosis.

Tell her you are taking them to the vets as all this vomiting isn't normal. Drive the cats round the block and come back in looking very tearful and tell her the vet says the cats have diabetes and will be dead in 6 months if they don't stop eating.

Do the cats generally not like being stroked and groomed or is she doing it wrong and could learn to interact with them on their terms? I can see why she would find solace in interacting with them by feeding them but her behaviour is sufficiently cruel to the cats (not to guilt trip you in anyway at all) that I am trying to think of another solution.

Interesting about the dementia link.
In many ways my mother is like a 5 year old.
If I try to be direct she gets very upset very quickly- the " I am just a burden " " Everything I do is wrong"
I can't police the food, she hides ham in her underwear drawers, treats under her bed, stuffs them in her wardrobe.

Yes, my assumption was that this was a dementia-related type of behaviour, I was a bit surprised that you had not already thought of this. Buying treats and hiding them in her underwear draw and feeding the cats until they vomit and then defending doing so is far enough outside the range of usual pet care and adult behaviour to assume some sort of problem. The challenge is how to deal with it, I am trying to think.

I would imagine you are far from the first person to face this problem so maybe have a Google of dementia-related advice forums to see if you can find suggestions? It's not to say she has full-blown dementia or even necessarily anything diagnosable but that techniques from that area might work to manage this problem. I had a quick Google but the first things that come up are about cats with dementia which was not what I meant.

Get her to clear up the cat sick every time and explain the cats are being over fed treats and this is the result.

If she behaves like a child you need to some extent to treat her like one and show her that her actions have consequences and that it is her responsibility to deal with them.

erinaceus like most cats they love being stroked, and seek out affection- but on their terms. They sit with me often, purr, nuzzle, knead, lie belly up, and really enjoy being stroked.
My mother attempts to stroke them when they are not in the mood- alert at the postman, being playful and energetic. If they resist she will forcibly pin them to the floor or hold them so they can't escape, then try to " do affection". she doesn't pick up on the early cues that the cats are not open to being stroked at that moment.
She often gets bitten.
I think food is the only surefire way she has found to communicate with them.

erinaceus what you are saying is helpful- thanks.
The reason I am not sure is that this has been my mother's way of dealing with cats for 30 years or so.
She only came to live wih me a few years ago, and has had several of her own cats die prematurely- very obese.

Make her clean up the sick. Every time.

I think the Dreamies packets say they shouldn't have more than about 18 a day? Could you show her that?

I'm afraid I'd be losing it with her and I would have no time for the "I'm such a burden" tears either.

I might also consider taking her along to their next vet check up and hopefully they will read the riot act.

Stealing/hiding things is definitely a symptom of dementia.

Honestly, if she's making the cats ill I would consider rehoming them.

Agreed. It is really cruel for the cats to be subjected to this behaviour, even if she dotes on them. It’s sad but unless you can find a solution or keep them separated somehow then the cats welfare needs to come first.

Can you consider changing the treats for something a bit more nutritionally rounded and then discounting (or skipping) a meal to make way for it?

Just as a way to reduce the impact on the cats health?

Put them in the cattery for 2 days. Tell her they are ill at the vets from the shite she is feeding them. Tell her the amount she owes you. She can pay the cattery bill thinking it is the vet costs.