Power of attorney and spending money

[Siriisatwat]

Hi,

I’m in a bit of a state at the mo, my dad is in hospital. He clearly has some form of dementia but so far hasn’t been assessed (he lived 3 hours from me until I brought him to stay here a few weeks ago so I could help him).

He’s had quite a rapid decline over the last week.

He’s only got two changes of clothes with him. I cannot afford the petrol or time to do a six hour round trip to pick him up more. And to be honest, he’s lost a lot a weight in the last few months so all his clothes are hanging off him and he doesn’t like spending money so all those now too
big clothes are years old.

I’ve been trying to take him shopping but he will not spend a penny, he’s always been tight. I finally managed to get him to buy some t shirts last week but the next day he made me return them as he wanted his money back.

I have power of attorney and I have his wallet here.

Would I be able to go and buy him some clothes with his card?

I don’t have the money myself to get any for him so that’s not an option, I would have to
use his account.

It's irrelevant whether they consider your home safe. Even if it was, you don't want him back and will refuse entry. Make that quite clear.
If you did anything before at all for him, anything, washing, shopping, cleaning etc etc state you now withdrawn every aspect of that support. You will do absolutely zero. Take the name of whom you speak to and ask them to document it.

I pushed and pushed.

We now have a diagnosis of vascular dementia, from scans and consultant.

They are going to find him a temp bed and do some more assessments.

I’m so tired now.

At last you have a diagnosis so you and he can access the help he needs in the future, have they carried out a Capacity Assessment to see if he understands and what decisions you may need to make now on his behalf. If they find him a temporary bed they need to have a plan for long term care, maybe you need to rethink the flat he is due to move into if he is going to need residential care. There are various organisatons who might be able to help you.
www.dementiauk.org/get-support/how-we-can-support-you/

God Sirii that's amazing. You've achieved the nearly impossible.

I had a social worker on the phone the other day implying I should give up my job to support my mother who is in an allegedly specialist dementia nursing home, because the home can't manage her behaviour.

I’d steer clear of the question of whether your home is safe for him. It’s irrelevant unless you are willing to take him in, and you are not, and there is no legal requirement that you should do.

Secretly they will understand and sympathise, even while they’re trying guilt trip you into taking him.

@BeyondMyWits

If going into respite (from experience) also buy a sharpie and write his name or initials inside EVERYTHING he wears or takes with him.

You have been there too then! Write on everything! Buy lighter coloured socks so you can write on them too. Everything goes missing!

Hi OP. My mum has full capacity but is housebound. I took the POA document to the building society yesterday. They scanned it and I can now withdraw money from the branch when needed. I have to show ID at point of withdrawl..
I keep all receipts in a file and will just go in once a month to be reimburse.
Is this something that wound help you too?

@BleuJay

Keep an exercise book to write down purchases you make from his bank account. Date, retailer, product and amount. Keep the receipts in an envelope that you can keep inside the exercise book.

Keep the book in the same place such as a specific drawer.

This is what I did as I had POA for my mum. Just a record of what was bought, date, cost and keep receipts, so you have proof if anyone ever asks. Get a card in your name when you have time.