Struggling after my mum passed

[Sja36]

Hi everyone..my lovely mum died 4 months ago from cancer in her early 50s..hurts like he'll and I miss her so much..

My mums parents are still here..mothers day is approaching and I stuck what to do..for years my lovely mum always got her mum something from me as well as her for mothers day..and I always had a little moan about why I need to buy her something when she's not my mum..but I did it anyway as it seemed to be a tradition..

Now I feel like this year I can't do it..im a mum myself and just want to spend my day visiting the cemetery and being with my daughter..im stuck on if I should maybe just send a card in the post to keep the peace ? Or just do what my heart says and have this year off from buying or sending card? We're not very close but I do speak to her once a week or so since my mum passed 😢

Shes only mentioned my mum once in 4 months 😔 so I feel angry she's not visited the cemetery and I just feel she's being cold
I'm struggling with grief still and I don't no what to do for the best ?

@ThePluckOfTheCoward

I'm very sorry for your loss *@Sja36*. After 4 years I still find Mother's Day hard. After reading your updates about your DGM I would be inclined to do what you feel is right for you. She isn't your mother and maybe this year it's time to start doing things differently. You could always 'phone her a few days before just for a chat, although if you were my granddaughter I would be 'phoning you on Mother's Day to see how you were doing. Make new memories with your daughter like your Mum did with you. I wish you well.💐

Omg I think I'll always find it hard.. this 1 is probably the worst..I hope you manage to get thru it..im sure you will..I send you love..the last bit just made me cry..your right my mum was very special we was best friends more like sisters as we was so close..I will definitely make new memories with my daughter..yes I think ringing on the Friday before is a good plan..thank you..hugs xxx

@Musicaltheatremum

I wouldn't expect funeral costs. I lost my husband when he was 50 and I felt it was my responsibility as his wife to sort these things. It came from his estate. However you must have been young when she died and that is hard. My daughter was 19 and son 16 when their dad died. My daughter once said to me ",you'll never know what it's like to lose a parent so young" ( just like you) it's true. My dad (her grandpa) is still here. Aged 88 and my mum aged 84. It is very very different. My dad has seen me through my whole life(I'm now 57) whereas my daughter's dad didn't see her graduate, didn't see her perform on stage in the West end and didn't see her get into a law degree aged 27 that's a lot to lose. Look after yourself. Your gran will be grieving but it's not up to you to help her.

Luckily there was a little help because of her age she passed..im sorry for your husband and kids going thru this..I only ever had my mum no dad..yes I believe she misses ringing her up to have a moan...I can only look after myself and little girl Thank you..sending love

I don't think you need to send the card. It's not on you to continue everything your mum used to do; I'd focus on care of yourself and your daughter for now.