"Toxic" mother trying to get money off her 18 year old grandson

[ElderAngst]

I wasn't sure whether to put this in 'Elderly Parents' or 'Relationships'.

I went NC with my ("ignoring" covert narcissist?) mother recently after her latest abusive meltdown directed at me. The latest in 4 decades worth.

Recently my son's Child Tax fund matured. My mum put in some money over the years and it grew in value. To my surprise, my 18 year old son told me today that my mother wants him to buy her a £500 television. She told him she deserves this "gift" from him in return for her putting around £15K in the said fund over the years. He's easygoing and agreed to buy her a TV, though tbf he wasn't given a choice in the matter anyway!

I should add she is a very comfortably off woman and has plenty of money herself. £500 is literally nothing to her.

It brought up so many awful feelings for me, I just can't even describe them.

Am I over-reacting?

I feel I need to calm down, but can't seem to.

Can anyone help me here?

This sort of crap too is precisely why I state that if a relative is too toxic or otherwise batshit for you to deal with, it’s the same deal for your child too.

She was not a good parent to you when you were growing up and she has not changed in all the years since.

Has she specified a model, or does she just want any tv that costs £500?

I would at least try to find that model cheaper, or perhaps find something else that is cheaper but comes more highly recommended than the one she wants (“you’ll be so proud gran, I saved SO much!”)

She’ll still get a tv, it just won’t be quite on the terms she was expecting, and it would look awful to complain. So a bit like her request in a way...

Thanks for all your spot on observations and comments.

I loved the one about the "educational experience" by Bicycle. Even my son's eyebrows are beginning to rise ... just-ever-so-slightly ... Two weeks before this she told my son to "watch" me in case I took money for myself out of his account ! FGS.

He is "briefed" SssLou, but I will have to keep an eye on it. Its all very tedious when I have gone NC myself, but will have to find a way. I also wonder how far she will take this destructive bent (fear).

I think I saw Atilla's v good points over on relationships board today about money and how its used "instrumentally" by people with strong narcissistic traits.

by fear, I meant my fear. I have to get clear of this.

Nasty post Growapair. Says lots about you though you're probably "unaware".

Growapair - clearly the sort of person who would give a child a gift and then want something from them in return - nice.

Thank you for deleting Growapair's post MNHQ, it was dripping with hatred.

I'm saddened your son is still going to give granny £500 even when he knows she as been abusive to you but all credit to him trying to be kind to someone who doesn't deserve it.

Completely understand your feelings OP, she was being very manipulative.

However it may be the best thing she was so blatent - if you think she'd try and worm into your son to get at you, at least she did this early on and even he as a naive 18yo is raising an eyebrow! Worse if she'd subtly crept in with him

Wow, I really hope your son can see this for what it is. What a manipulative backhanded ‘gift’.
I wouldn’t hold back with him to spare her feelings explaining why you have gone NC with her.

This isn't about money. It's about control. And because you've gone NC with your mother, she is now coming after your son.

She is marking her territory.