Power of attorney while parents are well?

[Neenaw20]

Hi

I’d appreciate some advice. My parents are getting order. Neither are in good health. My mum has Leukaemia and has various other ailments including diabetes, high blood pressure etc. My dad has frontal lobe damage, is more or less deaf and has reduced mobility.

My mums speech has deteriorated significantly recently. She is at times unable to string a sentence together, slurs her words and has lost confidence (not helped by the corona lockdown and isolation). I have been living with my parents for the last 10 months whilst my house has been renovated and have seen a definite change in her behaviour (as has my dad) and we are both worried for her. Her memory and metal capacity appears generally ok. Not great but ok.

I have asked my mum to see a doctor to see if she can get some help for her speech but she has until now refused to acknowledge there is a problem. My dad has also spoken with her. We are now at a stage where she has agreed to see the doctor next week and she is looking into a Power of Attorney. Something I believe is sensible to put in place whilst both parents are well, it wont take away from their ability to look after their affairs at this time but it means I (and my siblings) can help them when required and it can be enforced should anything change in the future which affects mental capacity.

I think it’s the right thing to do and have been advised by many friends and family to put this in place based on their experiences.

My sister is however hesitant about it and feels it’s overkill. She thinks if we just write a note to the institutions that mum needs to speak to (like banks) that this should be adequate.

I am quite frustrated by this. My sister very rarely sees my mum (3-4 times a year) and when she pops by it’s briefly and my mum is on best behaviour. I feel she has no real understanding of the level of support both my parents need (even now). I am also fearful that should anything happen with my parents health then I will be left to puzzle my way through the minefield of legal and financial challenges associated with a lack of power of attorney. I wouldn’t be able to spend the time doing this. I live by myself, I have a full time job which is very demanding and I have my own mortgage and financial commitments which I can’t walk away from.

I suppose I am asking, am I doing the right thing by asking my parents to think proactively about the POA? Or is this overstepping the mark? As said previously, as I understand it, it Is something you should do while you are well in preparation for when you aren’t well. I want to make sure I am in the best position to help my parents. I love them very much.

l would recommend obtaining it ASAP before they can no longer give permission. Your mum's speech could be due to vascular dementia and there is no way to tell how fast either of your parent's health could deteriorate to a point where they could no longer be considered capable of giving permission.
Best wishes for the future.

Do it as soon as possible. Mine are in full health but set them up with is several years ago. Nothing then changes until you need to take over. Notes to banks etc will not suffice.

Do it asap. In fact do it for yourselves as well.
We did it for mum years ago when she was fit and well. It was put away and forgotten about. It only came into play this year just before she died but made life easier.
DH and I have both got LPA with each other and both DCs as named attorneys.

Its very easy to DIY as the government website is very helpful, you don't need to pay a solicitor if the cost is an issue.

Get it done, for both of them and both LPAs. Heath and Finances, immediately.

My brother and I got my Mum and Dad's LPAs registered and just a couple of months later my Mum fell really ill. It would have been a nightmare if we hadn't of had the LPAs.

You don't need to register them with companies they can sit in a draw until they are needed.

I know other people who have not had them and it causes such a problem trying to get things sorted.

I tell everyone now how important it is to sort LPAs out.

Definitely get one, the speech concerns me the most, vascular dementia as a PP mentioned could be an issue, and could cause her to deteriorate quickly. In fact everyone should get one set up, something as simple as a car accident could really be life changing

Get it done. We did it for my Mum years ago when she was still fit and active, with her full agreement. It’s invaluable to have it in place now she’s 97 and increasingly frail physically and mentally.

Your Dsis is in a fantasy world. It's hard enough to get banks to accept a POA. Good luck getting them to deal with you on the basis of a scrap of paper. Stick to your guns, OP.

Yep of course now is the time. God it’s difficult enough to pas if checks for yourself without having to convince institutions to let you do it for someone else. ‘A note’ is ridiculous. You need the two types too.

You don't need to register them with companies they can sit in a draw until they are needed

True, but make sure you do register them with the OPG, or they won't be valid when you need them.

Your sister is making stuff up, ignore her and get it done now. I am fit, healthy and under sixty and I have one because if the worst happens then it's too late.

Sounds long overdue. Better 10 years too early than 10 days too late.

We did ours in my 40s.

Absolutely do it now, and make sure you register it with the OPG at the same time. You then can just keep it in reserve ready to be implemented when needed - while your parents still have capacity they are the ones who make decisions, POA or not, if that would reassure your sister.

In the nicest possible way, your sister is a fool. Companies do not operate on the basis of little notes written to them (sometimes it’s hard enough to get them to act even when you have the actual power of attorney).

It's absolutely the right thing to do to get it now whilst your parents are able to do so. Once it's too late (sorry), life is so much more difficult. POA makes the processes much with banks etc manageable. Your DSis is in cuckoo cuckoo land I'm afraid, both with your Mum's health and thinking a note would suffice.

Id go ahead with it x

Set it up now. You don’t need to activate it yet though. If you wait for them to get older and not have competence, you will have a bloody nightmare sorting anything.

Being brutally honest, your parents are already not that well.

We left it too late with Mum - she caught an infection and died in a month.
Dad is very well, has no underlying health conditions but we sorted out his LPA as soon as we could face it after Mum died.
It's much better to do it too early than leave it too late.

And - in case it helps you persuade your sister - my understanding is that it's cheaper to do it while your parents are able to consent as if you need to involve a solicitor later, it will cost a LOT more.

Yes, we had/have health and financial LPAs for my mum, parents -in-law and for ourselves (early 40s).

So far, we have only needed our mum's as she was in hospital for months and although mentally capable, she was very poorly and was unable to easily make phone calls to DWP Etc so I did it all for her with the power of attorney.

Just to say that there are two options with the financial LPA - one allows the attorney only to make decisions once the person loses capacity but the other allows them to make decisions (with consent) even though they still have capacity. We had the latter which was important when my mum was ill in hospital.

You are right, your sister is wrong.
But yes to get them registered straight away - it takes a lot of time and energy to get them registered and accepted by the Court if protection and various companies you need to deal with, which you may not have when you need to use them.

Do it ASAP.

My mum had to go to the solicitor in person to sign the papers so they knew it was her. (Or they could have come to the house but this was ore Covid).

So do it now while she is with it. If she is judged by the doctor as being incapable of managing her affairs you won’t be allowed to do a power of attorney. It will be a legal route that will take years and cost thousands.

Make the solicitor appointment now. Your sisters heads up her arse. Ignore her.

Yes get it done right now. We are in a complete family nightmare at the moment due to no LPA.

Also, don't assume banks etc will speak to you even with authorisation from one of your parents. If you end up trying to manage your parents affairs without LPA it will literally become your full time job.

Can I just ask what registering with the OPG is? I recently got a POA for a loved one, but no idea what the abbreviation OPG is.

I did a new Will for my father in law 3 years ago online. It was straightforward and afterwards it asked if we wanted to do an IPA. It was easy to do, FIL was happy to sign it, although he had no health problems at a time.

OPG = Office of the Public Guardian

Agree with everyone else that you should treat this as urgent. You know your parents and can judge that their memory and cognition is still ok, but with the difficulties you are describing it may get harder for outsiders to make that judgement. The sooner you arrange LPAs for both, the easier and cheaper the process may be compared to later, and if either are judged to have lost capacity they can not make one.

Tell your sister that yes, she is quite right that you can make individual arrangements with the banks without a power of attorney. I've had permission to operate my mother's UK bank account for years on that basis (she lives overseas). However, she would like me to try to find a better place for her savings, and in order to open any new account (including with the same bank), I will need to dig out the power of attorney document that was done a few years ago. Individual arranagements are more limited than you may need.

My parents named who would have POA should they need it. They don,t at the mo but things are in place should they need it.

You can do it online it's much cheaper than a solicitor doing it but definitely, I had months and months of trying to sort things for my grandparent because there was no power of attorney and my dad had ignored it all for years, I told my dad that he needed to sort power of attorney for himself as I couldn't sort anything without for his parents, also it takes months we sent off my dad's in February got it registered at the end of July so get it done asp it's quite quick to do online but just takes a few months for it to be completed and registered, if either are told they have dementia or something similar or eblven if someone got ran over and was in a coma etc you won't be able to get it at all, you could try for a court of protection order but they are very costly and they can take much longer to go through, you wouldn't have to tell your sister if she doesn't agree although if she thinks writing a note will surfice she is massively not the one who should be looking after this, it won't work anywhere that believe me.
I would get it sported for both of them though not just your mum, they can select as few or as many as they want, it costs £84 for it to be done online for financial purposes and the same again for health purposes, you can select if the attorneys can assist straight away or just when it becomes necessary. Get it done ASAP.