Hand hold if anyone is around - my Dad just passed away

[KavvLar]

I'm feeling very sad. Still in hospital. He was old and ill and behaved very badly but he was still my dad. I'm glad he is at peace now but feeling very overwhelmed.

My head is pounding and I keep crying. DH has taken the day off work and has the kids at home. I've never lost anyone close to me before which is really lucky but also I don't know what's normal. I was sad that he ended his life on a hospital Ward with seven other patients, I had thought they might locate a private space for us and him once it was clear he was on the way out. Grieving felt really intrusive in the middle of the night when elderly patients were trying to sleep and I don't know how I would have coped being on that ward with a dead body next to me.

KavvLar so sorry about your Dad. Even when people are old and ill it’s still a huge huge shock when their time comes.

You don’t know what’s normal because there is no normal. You feel how you feel. There’s no right or wrong or normal/abnormal way to feel. Everyone feels different.

You will be in shock for a while. Let the funeral staff be your guide and don’t feel rushed or pushed into decisions. They shouldn’t do. The majority are wonderful. Take good care of yourself. 💐

@Janaih it is exactly that. Such mixed emotions. I feel so conflicted right now. In life he was difficult, abusive, capricious and unreasonable, he made it clear you were only ever as good or bad as the last task carried out, and your value was measured by your compliance. He wouldn't let the hospital staff examine or treat him and it caused a lot of distress.

That being said, I have a lot of good memories of us as kids and as a family, he financially backed us when we needed fertility treatment for our beautiful DD2, and he was there for me when I needed him.

@TabbyStar and @PragmaticWench I'm very sorry you have also had recent losses. Did you find anything helped? People are not sure what to do at the best of times and I really want to be there for my mum but she needs to isolate too -she's over 70.

Thanks again for the advice and support. I really appreciate it, DH is downstairs looking after the girls while I try to rest a bit.

I've been quite worried about my DM, as she's completely self-isolating, but actually she's fine - I think for the immediate shock, talking to people who'd experienced it really helped, also going into practical mode - I sorted out all the admin. My DM has been upset, but she'd also been caring for him for quite a few years, and also he had quite a temper and so she walked on eggshells around him, so having time and space to herself is partly a positive. I'm talking to her a lot. It's such early days though. I remember being a bit out of it on the day that DF died. I spent ages trying to unblock DM's washing machine, which wasn't really a priority but something to do!

This happened to me too. It's very confusing emotionally. Just be grateful you got to say goodbye and make your peace, I never did and never saw his body, and he haunts my dreams years later.

It’s going to be raw and difficult but there’s lots of help on here and hands to hold
I’m sorry for your loss