I need to firstly say that I do love my parents very much and they are lovely parents.
BUT recently I have been feeling very anxious and overwhelmed by them.
Basically, I am in my late 40’s they are in their late 70’s. I never moved far from them. I live in the same area I grew up in (I live with dh and my 2 dc), my dsis also lives nearby with her partner (they have no children).
I have always been close to my parents and pop in to see them several times a week, which has always been fine and up until recently was easy as I was a SAHM and had the time.
Over recent years my mums health has been deteriorating, she has heart problems, is bent over with osteoporosis and sadly was diagnosed with the early stages of Alzheimer’s last summer.
I feel that they are very lucky to have their two children and grandchildren living just moments away but I feel they never truly appreciate this and I often feel they (especially dad) takes this for granted and almost expects me to be on hand.
My sister pisses me off to be frank. She works full time but is home by 4/5pm most nights and has no kids or any other responsibilities yet hardly ever pops in to see them during the week, saying she has to work and is ‘knackered’.
I now work part time, look after my kids and still find the time to see our parents most days.
Since mums diagnosis dad has put on me more and more. I appreciate its hard for him, she doesn’t even like him popping down to the shed these days. If he goes anywhere he will often ring me and ask for me to pop in to see her (often at late notice), if I go more than two days or so not seeing them I will get a ‘oh we wondered where you’d gotten to??’ remark when I do see them, yet my sister never gets this as she is ‘working’.
I’m feeling overwhelmed by this (not helped by the fact I suffer from anxiety) and as mum has a condition which is obviously going to get much worse I can see my life is going to be more and more bogged down by it all. Of course I want to help them but I feel like they just expect me to be there (which of course I have brought this on myself by going round too much).
My parents aren’t hard up (mainly from inheritance from mum’s dad) yet they are really tight with their money. I don’t expect any thing from them and have never asked for anything (unlike my sister who regularly asks them to pop round hers to wait in for tradesmen etc, she never takes the time off just expects dad to do it. And they have paid her debts off in the past).
One thing which has really upset me recently is that Dad has been sorting his will and the solicitor said that by law he can give away, as a gift up to £3000 to family, friends etc. Yet the first thing he said (and keeps saying) is ‘why would I want to do that, why would I want to give any of MY money away?’ I found that really upsetting it’s as though I don’t count. Only this week he rung me up, basically asked me to drop everything to go get my mum some flowers as he had forgotten their wedding anniversary. I am always there for them and struggle with money at times, I have never asked for any money but a little offer here and there as a thank you would make me feel much more appreciated in fact just a thank you for being there would be great.
Does anyone else have these kind of issues with their elderly parents? I just feel it’s going to get worse and drain the life out of me, yet I don’t think there is anything I can do about it now. Btw it’s no use saying anything to my sister as she just gets angry and defensive saying she has too much on (she says her life if full on even though after 5pm her day is her own!), she has form for burying her head in the sand.
Any advice how I can get through all of this without loosing my marbles would be gratefully appreciated.