Advice on how to stay strong for them

[DancingDownRain]

I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to be a mother with PND to an 8 month old baby and be strong and available and useful and hopeful and a good daughter to elderly ill parents and parents in law and return to after mat leave and find childcare and be a good wife, friend and sister. and not crack up. Please please please tell me how to be strong. I feel so small.

I can do the immediate, instinctive stuff to look after the baby day to day, and put on a show for my older child for a couple of hours a day That’s the important stuff. Anything else is a bonus. I think you’re doing really well

That's incredibly kind of you but I don't think i am. I am so so so tired, I'm snapping at everyone and being useless and mean. I had 8 hours sleep last night (DH stayed up with baby) but I could sleep for the rest of the weekend. It's the kind of tiredness where you're on the brink of tears and/or rage at all times. No one else to help look after kids and DH can't stay up 24/7. Another day in front of the tele because I'm too useless and exhausted to be a decent parent. Again.

Putting your DC in front of the tv the day after your DF's funeral is 100% acceptable OP, you are clearly a more than decent parent. You have been through so much in the last few years, why are you being so hard on yourself for being exhausted when anyone would be? I always think it's useful to ask yourself whether you would speak to other people the way you speak to/think of yourself in your head, and whether you would expect so much of others or hold them to the same standard you set for yourself?

You are allowed to struggle, to have human emotions, to grieve and it's heartbreaking to hear how hard you are on yourself in the midst of everything you've been and are going through. You're clearly a kind person but it's time to show yourself some kindness now. My sincere condolences on the loss of your father, please take care of yourself

Oh op l am so sorry about your dad, l am facing my elderly parents failing fast DM has dementia, and DF is heading that way. They are 88 and live with me.
l always feel l am failing as although l an good at all the practical stuff money/carers/appointmens, l am rubbish at being endlessly patient with DMs endless repeating, and hide often, then feel incredibly guilty.
I have two fab teenagers though, but always feel as though l am neglecting them...

Oh gosh, that is a lot for you! I wouldn't have been able to manage living with them. It's so hard, I hope you're okay xx

The other relative has now died. It feels like a glacial age passed since my first post, but also as if it was overnight for everything to turn to dust. I exist in fog.

I'm so sorry, Dancing, that this has happened within such a short space of time. It's a dreadful time losing a parent or someone close. I lost my dad 7 years ago a week tomorrow. I till cry for him regularly. My mum has dementia and I'm losing her in front of my eyes. We're just contemplating homes for her now.
The sad thing is, if they were 20 years younger, they'd be saying to me, don't tie yourself down with us. Live and enjoy your life. But they're my parents, how can I be happy if I don't think they are?
You're not superwoman, you're just human, and like all of us, all you can do is plod through life and make sure the essentials are done. Loving, and families, and memories are all far more important than the ironing pile being too high. Use your friends and don't be afraid to ask for help. People love to help - it makes them feel good about themselves and it gives them pleasure to feel useful and lighten your load.
I'm not going to lie, the grief stays a long time bt you will find ways to live with it and it will just be part of your new normal.
All the best at this awful time.

Thank you. I'm so sorry that you know this pain. You sound wonderful. I hope you can make space for yourself, too, as impossible as that seems xx

My surviving parent has suspected terminal cancer, I'm told today. They wouldn't get their concerns checked out over the past 5 years due to caring responsibilities. They served others before themselves. And now we wait. I don't know how much we are realistically expected to take. There is no balance, no calm, no chink of light. Enough now. Surely?

Oh, another two have gone. Unsure how much loss humans are designed to manage in this space of time. It's cruel. It's unacceptable. It's fucking wrong.

🎵I've got a lot to pine about / I've got a lot to live without 🎵