Caring for elderly relatives? Pop in for support, a hand hold, advice, whatever you need.

[picklemepopcorn]

Carrying on from previous thread, IF I can work out how to link...

Come and offload your worries and frustration here, and share your experience and hard won wisdom with the rest of us!

It may sound cruel of me, but delay delay delay. Any movements IMO tend to destabilise, and she's not very stable now anyway due to change of med.

She'll be worse at home than where she is.

Mind, I'm reading between the lines a bit. You know best!

Yolo, have to agree with pickle listen to the gp.

but if she's at home her anxiety should reduce dramatically, she shouldnt be worried that all the staff hate her, and if her mental health improves then her physical health should? she is barely eating, and I think it is the anxiety... fuck I dont know. will see what GP has to say I guess. meanwhile, there is a labby shaped hole in my life, there should be a smiley face and a waggy tail. it's so weird.

So sorry.🌺🌺

gp said she could go home so took her there and then. now at home, very very frail and wobbly and confused. plus the fucking stairlift has run out of charge!! left DD1 there while I frantincaly try and find an engineer plus buy food etc for her house. got gp visit booked for tomorrow, carers hopefully but I will be sleeping in til we can get 24 hour care in place. all a bit tits up really.

Oh crikey yolo! Hope you are able to get stairlift sorted and carers sorted too. Hope your dm rallies being home. 🌺🌺🌺

Oh my! I hope things settle quickly, and that you find the support you need!

stairlift sorted by truly lovely man, £240 well spent. just dashed home for shower, clean clothes etc before gp visit, carers meeting etc. she is madder than a box of frogs I think from confusion, fear, the heat. Think is poss unwell too but its hard to tell. Darling Brother is on a train from Devon as we speak, so he can sleep in tonight and we'll do swopsies til the live in carer is sorted - he can stay at ours alternate nights

So glad stairlift is sorted. Gold star for dB. Hope she settles. Good luck today.

progress. live in carer arrives on Friday - described by care agency mangager as "a coloured lady" (we live in the backwoods...) anyway DM said I dont care if she's green as long as she's kind. pretty much my sentiments, and this is her job, swooping in and picking up the pieces and she has been working for the agency for years. I'm sure she will be absolutely lovely and will definitely take the weight from our shoulders. DB arrived 3ish, paramedic practitioner arrived after 4 - he was great had met DM before and he likes her so that makes a diff from complete stranger. basic diagnosis is gastric infection combined with muscle wastage, frailty, loss of confidence, anxiety and a complete meds review which is ideal as we know she has been taking too much diazepam/temazepam on top of cocodamol and morphine patches.

That sounds very promising Yolo!

Great news Yolo hope you get a good nights sleep

Congratulations yolo. I hope the carer is nice. If it helps my GP cousin suggested, when we were making similar decisions, that live-in carers were either saints or awful. Not many in between. I hope you get one of the saints.

Are any other oldies suffering in the heat. DM has had a few days when she was seriously disoriented. And indeed very anxious as she could not find her husband. The problem seems to have been solved, at least last time, by the carer staying overnight and offering her drinks at every opportunity. She was fine, albeit tired, the next day. But I can't get her to drink on her own.

need DM is doing the same, finding it hard to drink. we got round it today by giving her consomme (she was off solids for 24 hours anyway) and it is basically chicken stock, so liquid. she was also complaining of very sore throat, and hot liquid has helped that.

having said that, DB has been quite tough with her, saying she must use commode next to her bed, that he wont walk her to the bathroom - when I went in, she demanded I walk her to the bathroom and I said no, that DB and I had talked etc. She wasnt best pleased.

Waiting to hear what time to collect carer from station tomorrow, but had enough for today - let's hope she's a saint!

Yolo, everything crossed for the carers arrival.... i’m Wishing you a Mary poppins / nanny McPhee sort.
And yes the heat...... dm is pretty out of sorts with it. Ice cream seems to help.

haha sandwich I bought Sainsburys raspberry sorbet for her - she wolfed down whole bowl and said "I wouldnt buy it again..."!!

DM 'doesn't like the taste' of water. So every summer sees at least one hospital admission due to dehydration. Went to see her a couple of days ago and she was clearly struggling despite the 10 bottles of different drinks/flavoured waters I'd left in her fridge.

oh god nota I feel your pain. Tell her that if she gets dehydrated A&E is absolutely jampacked with elderly people who dont drink enough and she might have to spend 24 hours on a trolley in a corridor??

The cavalry, in the form of Shona, has arrived. She seems very nice, friendly, competent. Only downside is that mum has a cat and they make her sneeze - do think the agency should have told her that! She said she would be ok, agency mgr coming in on Monday to review so hope to god all goes well. I'm home for a bit then have to go back out to pick up some antibs for her and then drop them in.

I've just been to visit an elderly friend in a nursing home. She is clearly slipping away. I'm sad because she may well die alone, not because no one cares, but because it could be tonight next week or next month, and we won't necessarily get any warning. Lots of us are popping in and sitting with her for half an hour, but she's asleep and unaware. I sang to her, perhaps at some level she knows we are there. She's a wonderful lady.

Oh yolo!! Hope anti h’s work and she’s ok! You so deserve a break.
pickle I am sorry. I am sure she would have sensed your presence.
So hard isn’t it. 🌺🌺

pickle I am sorry for your friend, may she go peacefully.

Not going great here, Shona is a 'child' who cant possibly look after her; DD1 is a sod, and both of us are bitches. Reason: she phoned me, screaming with a panic attack, so we went round. I had to give some tough love: you are not dying, you can obviously breath because you are able to shout. ECG and all other tests done today are completely normal. She wanted me to stay in the house; I said that's what Shona's here for, so she cut me and DD1 out of her will (again! she doesnt remember doing it last time). She wanted me to "get me out of here" I said where to? because you are at home, its what you wanted. Anyway, to spite me she walked from toilet back to bed; she said "its ok because you told me I am perfectly fine". aaaargh. drinking way too much and not going to answer the phone again tonight. I suspect the carer will leave on Monday, if not before, unless there is a radical change of attitude, and then DM will be on her own. We (all 4 of us and DB and his family) have put our lives on hold for 7 weeks, she has everything she asked for - what more can we do? bah.

Oh dear Yolo. That must be so upsetting. Maybe she can't be comfortable and settled anymore. She has to rage against the dying of the light. I think you need to work out what is best for you, and make it happen. I don't think you will be able to find a solution that suits your mum.

Oh yolo I am sorry. I am sure the carer will have seen some of this. You have done so much and as you say put your life on hold.
You cannot do more. You cannot make your dm happy. Please take care. I do agree with pickle raging against the dying of the light.

you are all so damn KIND you have made me well up! ah well, today is another day and all that.

The agency manager will have seen it before. The manager of my mums sheltered housing, when DM first moved in, actually sat my mum down, refused to entertain her complaints, explained how lucky she was to have me supporting her, and made DM apologise to me. Fantastic as someone needed to break through the bubble of 'me, me, me' and unrealistic demands.

Temporise it and add a few fibs? The doctor has said you need to take it easy for a few weeks, so the carer is there to help you out? You will review but she has to put up with it for now.