Caring for elderly relatives? Pop in for support, a hand hold, advice, whatever you need.

[picklemepopcorn]

Carrying on from previous thread, IF I can work out how to link...

Come and offload your worries and frustration here, and share your experience and hard won wisdom with the rest of us!

well and truly tits up today. She fell at 11pm, having got out of bed of her own accord, carer couldnt lift her and I had very sensibly gone to bed w/o phone. Paramedics arrived at 3am, wanted to take her to hospital but she wouldnt have it. She then had explosive diarrhoea twice, so porr carer got no sleep at all. Went round 9.,30, she away with the fucking fairies, the carer pushed her and there was a fight on the landing last night blah blah completely bonkers. ooh gp came round at lunchtime, said she needed to be in hospital, when all hell broke loose. ambo came, and it took them an hour to talk her into it. at one point they said she didnt have capacity to make decisions but would have to talk her through it - heroes. now at home grabbing sandwich as havent eaten since last night, will then drive carer to station. was going to then go straight to hospital but DB says not as she hates me at the mo, and that under no circumstance am I to bring her home - which I agree with. They can keep her til I can get a private nursing home sorted on Monday. fuck! and breathe.

Oh yolo! I am so sorry. Your dB is right..... you can do no more. I recall needmoresleep’s phrase about a wounded flailing animal. You have done everything you possibly could. Maybe worth doing a bit of digging re nursing homes tomoz to give you a head start? Sending large supplies of and Teflon.

Oh bless you. What a worry for you. It is clearly what she needs, though. At least this takes the responsibility out of your hands.

2 hours they were threatening to discharge her home, in a taxi. This is an 88 year old woman who is very confused, cannot stand let alone walk/go to the loo/make a cup of tea etc not to mention is only wearing a nightie, no shoes, has no money or doorkey and doesnt know the security code for her own front door. So DB went apeshit about their duty of care and we finally got through to someone sensible who said she was too confused to be discharged tonight. Feels like a reprieve. I will phone later to see how she is doing, and may visit tomorrow depending on progress. I think she needs 48 hours of obs, and poss a CT scan as I think this kind of sudden onset 'dementia' can be associated with a TIA. She is NOT coming home!!

Oh for goodness sake! They can't possibly send her home.

Oh yolo that is horrendous. Sending extra Teflon and 🍷🌺🌺 good luck tomorrow.

she still on A&E but going to CDU ward. Nurse I spoke to said she would be in for at least a couple of days, and then they would be looking at a care package and/or placement. Asked if it was possible she had had a TIA but they cant discuss clinical details on phone? Consultants' rounds at 11, so wont get a proper update til mid-day ish.

Now, she will refuse state care; but she only has enough money for max 4 weeks in a private care home, and to access that she will have to be sane enough to call her bank (posh private bank that pays 0% interest btw). So when the money runs out, she will have to transfer to a state place anyway, unless she has a miraculous recovery.

Private homes are miles away; I am going to try and sell her the state option on grounds of fact that I could actually visit on a more regular basis. (last Care Home of Horror was 40m round trip, the others are even further away - I did do almost daily visits, but that is not sustainable given I have to earn a living). She could sell her house if she wants to live in the lap of luxury I guess, but again she needs the sanity required to sign the paperwork as I dont have POA.

more and then bed knowing that she is safely locked up for now.

Hi, just catching up on everything here.

Yolo you are amazing, you have done so much. It's hard for me to make suggestions as you know my situation with DM ended in a very difficult way. However, as you all said to me, we can only do what we can do and our own lives and families cannot be on hold forever. The hardest part is that older people in this situation are just not able to comprehend the affect that their wishes have on those around them.
I found that the situation improved for my DM when I backed off a little after she was taken into A and E. This meant the hospital had a duty of care and Mum had to hear the reality of what was happening from others who were very caring but could lay out the choices she had without the emotional attachment.

We are still away on holiday. I've found it's been very up and down as time to relax means time to think and process my feelings. DH and children desperate for me to have a nice time, and I am but it comes with a feeling of it being surreal to be in such a lovely place after all that has happened.
Also had a call about Dad by the paramedic practitioner from his dr surgery. She was going in to see him as Home are concerned as he has just given up. This made me very anxious as I'm not around but actually she was lovely and very reassuring. Seems to be on his case and happy for me to call her anytime. Just hope he holds on tell I get home. Love and hugs to all.

Yolo, I hope you get through the day intact and that reasonable solutions present themselves.

On Monday perhaps it is worth having an in depth discussion with SS. There is some sort of scheme where they loan money to be repaid when the house is sold. I think a version of this happens anyway, even if she goes into state.

If she has enough capacity she could grant you third part access on her account. Just ask the bank for a form. I will admit that I got my mum to pay for convalent care when she was still a bit out of it following a hip replacement by getting her to sign cheques. (Actually, quite a lot of cheques as I found a heap of unpaid bills at her flat.)

whatever I am so pleased you are having a least a bit of a nice time - that sounds really weird but you know what I mean!

DM is described as 'delirious' this morning, spent the night wandering round the ward (with assistance obvs) and sitting in the nurses station - she will clearly become the patient they all love to hate, the poor sods.

Complete mental deterioration in 10 days - wtf is going on?? Anyway, off to feed her poor cat, do the mountains of washing/tidying that have appeared over the last week. And its only a week since my poor old dog was pts...

Yolo- so sorry, but she is in the best place for now.as nms says, many local authorities will make a charge against property to enable you to fund care until the house is sold- ss a very good call. I found hospital social worker to be really helpful.
Also, ask for fast track chc funding assessment- she obviously has nursing needs. This could help fund care. Age uk might help with advice too. Good luck.

I'm not diagnosing over the internet, of course, but have you heard of Lewy Body Dementia? It comes on suddenly after a shock or injury, maybe an operation. I looked into it after MiL went a bit loopyier than usual after a car accident. Would that make sense do you think?

so at 9.30 am she was described as delirious. At 12noon DB phoned to be told she hadnt seen a doctor, but was much brighter and that OT and physio would assess her for a discharge home this afternoon. Are they mad or fucking what?!!! Anyway he went off on one about no care at home, negligence, failure of duty of care but it will all be ok because "there's a daughter who lives round the corner"?!

Anyway she cant be discharged til a doctor has seen her, so I suppose that is at least something...

So I will go in at 6, try and get some answers, and absolutely refuse any responsibility. At this stage there is no medical diagnosis, no indication that she has even had a drip for rehydration, nothing. I am so fucking angry about this whole situation.

pickle I checked that out, you may well be right as she ticks a lot of the symptoms. thank you.

I can't find the link with trauma which I saw when I looked before. I hope tonight's visit goes ok. Weekends are not ideal in hospitals.

Good luck yolo. 🌺🌺🌺

So current diagnosis is temporary delusions caused by severe chest infection and poss c.diff (bowel) infection. antibs and waiting to move her to a side room. more lucid but still rambling - kind of drops in and out of being normal, more out than in. No plan to discharge - when judged medically fit OT, physio and SS will get involved re care plan at home. That current plan anyway. Relieved, but knackered, and should think she will there at least a week.

Phew. That sounds like progress. 🍷🍷🍷🍫🍫🍫🍫

thank you all so much, I really mean that. I am very lucky to have great support - DB, DSIL, my next door neighbour who is a psychotherapist(?) working in NHS, lots of online friends, and my own little(!) family. Must be so bloody tough on those of you who dont have that support, but this is such a valuable place for help, information and kindness. Cheers to all of you going through this shit xxx

Well, it will be good to see how she responds to the treatment. Hopefully the more distressing symptoms will go.

I honestly think I must be going mad. Physio says she can stand/get out of bed unaided and walk the length of the corridor using a stick and is therefore ready to be discharged tomorrow - IF she has 24 hour care. I pointed out that I would not be able to arrange that for a couple of days a the bare minimum and actually more likely not til next Monday given my own schedule this week. She has not been assessed for stuff like ability to make a cup of tea, cannot wash or dress herself.

Nor have we had the results of the c.diff test without which neither the caring agency or a nursing home will take her on, and I couldnt see the nurse in charge despite waiting 40 mins.

Waiting to be told they wont discuss clinical info on the phone, in which case they are stuck with her til I can next get there which wont be til Weds.

Physio said she is very high risk for falls; SS only provide 4 visits a day so I can only imagine she'd be back in hospital within 24 hours.

Is it me or is this just stupid stupid madness???

Oh yolo this is absolutely barmy. Have hospital social workers been any help? I found them v helpful. Stand firm. Stomp. And sending you industrial quantities of Teflon and gin. 🌺🌺

thank you sandwich I will gratefully accept the teflon and trade the gin for red wine, of which I have a steady supply.

Managed to speak to staff nurse, no c.diff results as yet "but she hasnt had a loose movement for a couple of hours" sorry if anyone is eating.

Their current plan is to move her to a rehab ward in a diff hosp 45 mins away until care at home can be put in place. This will not go down well... I have deliberately not given her phone, bank card or cheque book as I know damn well what she would do with those resources to hand.

Staff nurse says she will get SS ball rolling but imagine it will be slow. I am not having her phone til 4 SS visits a day in place plus the 24 hour carer. No one person can do 24 hours a day and survive so at least if SS carers come in then the private carer has a chance of a break.

Fuck me, life is so complicated, and my kids aren't even little but they still would like to see their mum at times and ditto DH his wife.

TBH I wish she would die sooner rather than later; she is not happy with her current life, and this will just go on and on as far as I can tell unless she has a fatal fall. She is perfectly healthy basically, unfortunately.

Bless you. It's a terrible place to be stuck. Try not answering the phone etc. They can't turn her out without setting something up.

These random calls are hugely stressful. Agree with not answering your phone too often, but you could call once a day (say at 1130am?) and/or ask for one member of the team only to contact you - my suggestion would be the OT or the hospital social worker.