Responsibility for Elderly Parents? Support thread right here!

[Needmoresleep]

Several of us are on the same journey. Some more difficult than others, some longer than others, but none easy. Feel free to share tears, rants or laughter with others who will understand.

Thanks TT. His Carer walked out as was exhausted, there's a temporary one who doesn't speak Englsh. Neighbour is looking for. NH. He isn't eating or drinking much, kidney function poor and keros shouting out, I worry he is in pain.

Clearly we are now in an end of lif situation but there is currently no provisiom for this. I dread the phone ringing as know we DH and I will have to try and find flights plus accomodation over there plus they are in the middle of a heat wave and I don't do heat. Also there are the DC's to sort, not DD but DS. Have made some headway on that so it's something. But it's quite hectic between now amd middle of Seot with holiday, GCSE results, start of 6th form (what depends on results) plus DS's birthday and a trip to Soain in the middle if it makes me feel a bit ill as am knackered. But that's life.

However the news from Thailand this morning is good. My Mother is accepting the carers and had them running round her as she loves people to do -to quote 'has found her control nirvana and they play along with it beautifully'. He'll have to be bit careful when he goes back and I think he shouldn't hurry but currently it is working after one hell of a five weeks.

How is DD bearing up with the results wait?

Hell spt. Sorry to hear the news from Spain- having to deal with everything in a foreign country sounds awful. Neighbour sounds brilliant. Try and conserve your strength.
Good news about your mum- sounds like the care is working.
You must be exhausted. I often feel it's like a steeplechase, trying to anticipate the next obstacle and plan ahead but never sure how high it is or if there's a water jump beyond!!
We have just come back from a beautiful lazy week in Dorset- we don't do hot. It was great- a fabulous cottage and lovely walks/ gardens/ tea/ cake- our sort of break. Plus dd was happy with- huge bed good wifi and ducks.
Dd is fine- focussing on driving lessons and chilling out plus some work- avoiding the stress transmitters from school. If she doesn't get her grades she will resit as she really wants to do the course at Bristol. So she's v pragmatic.
How is your dd? Are sixth form entry grades a big ask? In dd's year there were some big surprises with results in some subjects- but at the moment nothing can be done.
You must feel in limbo- unable to act and dealing with so many variables. Where are you off on holiday?
How do you recharge?

Thanks TT. Saturday I was exhausted and got to the point where I felt physically unable to move so did very little and felt much better by end of yesterday. The steeplechase analogy is bang on.

I'be realised i'mm going to have to get better at putting the FIL situation in a box and leaving g it there hen deal with it when time comes. MIL 's funeral was put back whilst SIL went away fir a couple of weeks so have decided if it clashes with say results or first week of school when my childcare is away as it happens then we just say we can't do it snd another day can be sorted.

Glad you enjoyed Dorset, that's our neck of the wpods. DD was quizzing me on the wifi where we're staying the other day. TripAdvisor suggests it is rather poor so she will have to get on with it. We're off to the Netherlands to combine a bit of Amsterdam sightseeing with Center Parcs.

I think DD will just scrape 4 GCSE'S this summer.she's got another qualification school will accept in lieu of a 5th which should just get her into the l3 courses, bit tight though, the exams were a bit of a disaster. From what I have been reading the next step for her depends on a good portfolio so hoping she will come into her own in 6th form.

Your DD sounds lovely and I have my fingers firmly crossed for her.

hi all, thanks for all the good wishes, my journey is now at an end as my lovely mum finally passed away peacefully whilst I held her hand, this was after 8 days of no food or drink. it was hell for a while watching her struggle and independent to the last she kept wanting to get out of bed for the toilet which distressed her. until they got her meds right and got her on a syringe drive when things were calm and peaceful. It was hard watching but even though she stopped responding I know she was pain free and calm which was a sort of comfort. In her last week I kissed her head and saw her smile and I want this to be my final memory of her, not seeing her struggle I will miss her so much. Its almost 2 weeks on, we had her funeral on monday and after the wake all the family stayed together for drinks at the pub then to a restaurant for a meal, it was good to be all together and mum would have loved it I am now back home after almost a month away being with her every day, it is so strange as things are almost normal which feels wrong somehow. I keep thinking I need to ring her and is strange to think I never wil again... sob. My thoughts go toall of you still on the journey with your family members, you have been a great source of supportand comfort tome when I needed it so once again, thanks you and to you all.

I'm so sorry to hear that Eccles. But it must have been a great comfort to her that you were there to the end.

I hope so CMOT, I like to think she knew I was there.

Thanks for coming back to the thread and telling us about your mum. You did as much as you could and I'm sure that will help you in the weeks and months to come.

Eccles thank you for posting- I am sorry for your loss but glad that your mum died peacefully and you were with her.
You did her proud.

Thank you for telling us Eccles. I'm very sorry but also think you will have been a great comfort to her

Oh Eccles, sorry to hear that, but you did your best for her

RIP Eccles Mum.

Take care of yourself Eccles.

thank you all again,

Would anyone like a useless brother? Mine has reached new depths - he put the phone down on dad when he asked if they could have a photo of the new baby (3 weeks old), and he'd send money if that was the problem.
Dad was nearly crying on the phone about it, so I stole a photo off brothers FB page and did a Moonpig card for dad while he was on the phone. 5 mins and £3.96 - not a lot to ask is it?

oh CMOT that is a new low, what is his problem? what a lovely gesture to do the card. DB will regret this one day, rest assured. so much easier to be kind now whilst he can, foolish boy.

Flipping heck, where is that coming from CMOT? That was a lovely idea with Moonpig. If you don't mind I'm going to pass on your generous offer of having him as gave only just sorted mine out - hope his improvement is not temporary.

FIL has gone from only having a few sips of water plus not being awake most of the day to having mouthfuls of food and more fluids so have gone from final days to a bit longer again. Poor DH, an emotional roller coaster.

The problem is that brother would never, for a second, think about what this all means to dad. Dad is so obviously mourning that mum would have loved a granddaughter, and all the things she would have made for one. That maybe they'd have gone up to see the baby on the train. Instead, she now can't even get her spoon accurately into her mouth, and now needs her face wiped after eating. He desperately wants her to look at a photo and exclaim over it.

Brother will probably be angry with me for taking the picture, but I don't give a flying about what he thinks.

That is sad and hard for you It is quite weird behaviour of your Brother,do you know what's behind it ?

Oh CMOT I am so sorry. It is beyond comprehension- how can he be so cruel? Brilliant idea re moo pig- well done.

Oh CMOT that is sad and mean of your DB, but great idea of yours to do the card. Sod him.

Also meant to say that is a roller coaster, SPT.

Thanks BTM. Awoke to email from Brother askng how I feel about stopping Galantamine for a week or two to see what happens . We had briefly touched on this before so not a huge surprise.

We've seen before a big difference between when she is on and off it. She's mentally much sharper on but it is a double edge sword as she is incredibly paranoid and now starting to get pretty aggressive with the carers. He said it is very painful to see her like it which I can well imagine, and he'd like to look at sedation. She's had some horrendous sun downing incidents too apparently where she just has a total sensory overload and it all gets too much for her.

I have said that I think he should go ahead and try her off it. We've agreed if it makes the situation worse then she goes back on. Between that, FIL, mice and biting insects this is not one of our better holidays !

Is sundown a bad time for dementia?

SPT - I agree that trying your mum off the Galantamine is a good idea, but I don't think sedation is something to try unless things are really bad. Sedation can make people even more confused and aggressive, but with added risk for falls. Are they trying bringing bedtime forward, or an earlier settling time with low lights, quiet etc?

BTM - just like toddlers can get frantic and overwhelmed in the evening when they are tired so they can't cope with anything, then people with dementia may have the same issue.

Yes it can be BTM, have a read of this . I noticed she suffered a bit at home - there was an incident where she rang me to say I hadn't ordered her coffee. She was so agitated I went round and found the coffee on the work surface (very big drum of it) and her clutching the big stepladder. She was very unsteady on her feet and had been clearly up the ladder looking on top of the cupboards, though denied this strenuously and convincingly afterwards.

It was round about then I realised she was fast becoming a danger to herself. The ladder incident was part of the Capacity assessments and solicitor fiasco that followed .

The other day after the trip to Psychiatrist she was so stressed that she curled up on bed in foetal position and was non responsive and Brother thought he had killed her. Difficult situation for all involved and I'm not going to lie, I'm relieved it it me now insulated from it by about 7,000 miles.