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Elderly parents
Original poster

My Mum RIP

55 replies

pudcat · 03/02/2014 17:33

My mum passed away at 12.30pm today. I was with her. She was agitated all morning. Her morphine patch was doubled. Suddenly she stopped making noises and shouting Mum, was calm and gradually stopped breathing. I told her Dad was waiting for her and she could go. I hoped it helped her. All her wrinkles went. She is now free from pain. Love you Mum

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twentyten · 05/02/2014 22:06

So sorry pud. Can't find the other thread ThanksThanksThanksThanks for you and WineWine. Be kind to yourself. This too will pass. ThanksThanksThanks

Original poster
pudcat · 06/02/2014 08:05

Registrar refused to register death. Shock horror. She said the dr who had signed the cert had ticked she had seen Mum after death but put she had last seen her alive 30th Dec more than 14 days ago. I told her that Mum had only been seen last week for a chest infection and that the cert says the dr signing must have seen the deceased either after death or not more than 14 days before. That means one or the other to me. But no she had to ring coroner in next city. Surprise surprise his day off. So now have to wait in for Coroner to ring me and give his permission to register and than make another appointment at a different town on Saturday.

First time I have actually heard the phrase "It's more than my job's worth"

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twentyten · 06/02/2014 10:07

ARRRGH! How appalling. sending you Brew and hugs

whataboutbob · 06/02/2014 13:19

I know this will be no consolation whatsoever, I had a similar experience when I went t register my mum's death. Th e doctor had filled the death certificate incorrectly. They couldn't register the death. I let rip and howled ( easy enough as my lovely mum had died suddenly at age 54). That got them moving. They made some calls and I went back soon after and they registered it. Maybe it s not that uncommon for docs to stuff up on death certificates ?

Original poster
pudcat · 06/02/2014 13:55

I asked the registrar yesterday if we could go back to the drs to get the one who saw Mum last week to do another cert., but she was adamant that she had to inform the Coroner. I am still waiting for that phone call. The funeral director in the meantime has been and collected a new certificate and paper work to allow cremation. He told me to ring the coroner's office to explain and to get new appointment. BUT again when I rang the central phone number they would not give me an appointment because yesterday's registrar had informed the Coroner. They gave me the actual Coroner's number to ring but there is no one there. What an absolutely rediculous system. It has also meant that I have had to ring the pensions dept myself instead of having it done by registrar under their onetellall scheme. Mum died the day before pension day so we have to pay this weeks back.

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Original poster
pudcat · 06/02/2014 13:56

I am sure that the registrar yesterday could have rung the dr to sort it out. We asked but she refused.

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twentyten · 06/02/2014 14:00

You could so much do without this. ThanksThanks

whataboutbob · 06/02/2014 14:12

I don t understand the system but it does sound as if she could be a lot more helpful . My experience was many years ago, but the onus was not at all on me to chase people up, the registrar s office did that. They contacted the hosp doc who'd done the certificate .

Original poster
pudcat · 06/02/2014 15:37

The coroner has rung at long last. He is satisfied it was a dr's error. I now have an appointment on Saturday morning. So fingers crossed.

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oskybosky4 · 06/02/2014 19:01

Hope it goes alright for you, a lot of unnecessary stress for you at this time though.

Shartibartfast · 07/02/2014 09:41

What a PITA for you Pud - you must feel as if the world is conspiring against you!

Hope there are no hitches when you register tomorrow.Thanks

Original poster
pudcat · 08/02/2014 09:15

Well off to try and register Mum's death soon. Hope we can do it today. And let's hope this registrar is a little more compassionate than Wednesday's.

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Shartibartfast · 08/02/2014 16:36

Hi Pud, hope you had a better experience this morning.

twentyten · 08/02/2014 17:16

Hope it went well.how are you doing?

Original poster
pudcat · 08/02/2014 18:09

All went well today. The registrar said we were the third re-registrations today as other certs not correct. Not the same drs I hasten to say. I have the funeral director coming on Tuesday to sort out cremation arrangements.
Seems strange that I haven't been visiting. For the most part I am OK, but then all of a sudden I think of something and floods of tears come.
I am also a bit bothered that no one wants to know how her last time with me was. I want to talk to someone but no one wants to know.

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Shartibartfast · 08/02/2014 18:16

Perhaps people think it's all a bit raw for you at the moment, and you don't want to talk about it? You've plenty of listening ears here, but I know what you mean; it really helps to talk IRL. You may find that people who have been through the loss of a parent might understand a bit better that it's helpful to talk.

oskybosky4 · 08/02/2014 21:19

Can you talk to your son he may want to talk too but darn't ask for fear of upsetting you.

Original poster
pudcat · 08/02/2014 22:10

I tried but he doesn't want to know the details. I have decided to write it all down and see if that does the trick. Then if anyone does want to know they can read it in private.

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oskybosky4 · 08/02/2014 22:18

Thats a good idea, does the home where she was have someone or the chaplin at the hospital. It must be so hard when you need to talk it through.

oskybosky4 · 19/02/2014 16:15

Pud, just checking in to see how you are today.

My stomach is in knots and I feel very anxious today.

I just had a beautiful bouquet of flowers delivered, from my middle sons ex partner, she lives in another part of the country so couldn't bring them herself. This was so kind of her.

i did manage to tidy up an clean the downstairs and DH put clean bedding on for when my 2 sons come to stay tomorrow. He has been keeping my business ticking over but doesn't know where anything goes [he says] so the kitchen table needs sorting out now as thats where he has dumped everything.

Its very hard isn't it, but try to keep your spirits up.

Original poster
pudcat · 19/02/2014 18:05

Osky I didn't know it would be this hard. I am so tired with lack of sleep. I wake up about 3 am and toss and turn. I suppose now I just want it all to be over, I have never been one for ceremonies. I am baking tomorrow so that will help that day pass. Maybe after Friday I will sleep.
Just hoping my sister will not cause a scene with our cousins. She doesn't like them. And my sister says she will not get upset on the day because she does not do "upset". I have rung her everyday to make sure she is OK and gone over to see her - she lives an hour away. But she has not once rung me to see how I am so DH said to leave her for a while. So I haven't rung since Sunday and not a peep out of her.

The flowers were a lovely thought.
We will get through it osky, we will do our Mums proud.

It doesn't help that one of Mum's friends from the CH died today. They were both in hospital together in the same ward last year. And they were both told they had to go to a NH the same day. I taught all of this lady's grandchildren.

Take care osky - remember the good times.

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oskybosky4 · 20/02/2014 23:56

I will be thinking about you tomorrow. Sorry I would have messaged earlier but DIL been here all evening.

Original poster
pudcat · 21/02/2014 21:21

Well Mum has gone on her final journey. It was a lovely simple service. We had a spray of orchids from all the family on the coffin and donations for Mum's wonderful care home. The funeral director was so kind and caring and looked after Mum well. Not many at the funeral, my cousins came back to my house and we remembered lots of daft things about Mum and her sister who died 6 months ago. My 2 oldest granddaughters were so brave as it was the first funeral they had ever been to.
Mum is now with Dad again. I took a photo of Dad with me to give me strength to get through the day. Perhaps now I will sleep.

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oskybosky4 · 21/02/2014 22:13

Sleep well tonight Pud, will be thinking of you.

oskybosky4 · 23/02/2014 12:11

Pud, how are you feeling now.