The age-old private vs state debate

[mistressploppy]

DS is only 7mo but I can't decide about schools for him; here's the low-down....

We live in a pretty posh village and the local school is small and has a very good reputation. Small class sizes (actually mixed age classes, that's how small it is). It's also about 3mins walk from our house. However, the expensive Prep school is also 3mins walk away. DH went to this school. It has a great rep too; it features in those glossy schools inserts you get in Tatler

We can afford the Prep school.

Trouble is, I am a bit of an inverted snob. I went to a big city state school and got good results, went on to uni etc etc. Had a fab time at school. DH - not academic like me - went to posh prep school and even posher boarding school, messed around, got nothing! (But has a fab job now)

I'm worried that if DS goes to a posh school he'll only mix with mega-priviledged kids and won't have a rounded perspective. We're so lucky that we're in the catchement for such a good primary. But should I deny him the chance to go to a school with more opportunities if it's within our grasp?

Seeker - what my LEA specifically said in writing was that I had not been allocated any of choices on form and all schools were full. was put on several waiting lists, very low down, advisor at council said " you are not really in the catchment area of any school, everyone in your area goes private. There is not much chance of a place coming up at any of these schols before the start of the year".

So the choice was home school for an indeterminate time or go private. As I work the home schooling option was a bit of a non-starter.

So, really , seeker, it was no school at all.

Not just being precious about letting little Tarquin go to that rough school down the road.

They can't do that! Maybe they hoped to get rid of you, but they have to offer a place. All DCs have, by law, to be educated from the age of 5 yrs. If you say that you are not in a position/have no intention of HEing and can't afford/don't believe in private education they must find you a place-don't be fobbed off!

But that is against the law. They simply cannot do that - they have to provide a place at a school for all children between the ages of 5 and 16 -(or is it now 18?). Would you be prepared to name the LEA?

LadyInMauve...they would have offered you a place in the same county, but it may have been at a terrible school absolutely miles away.

My understanding - there are similar problems where I live - is that they have to offer an education appropriate to your child. It does not have to be in what most people would recognise as a school, as such. In the autumn, my LEA was proudly claiming that this year that it would able to offer a place somewhere to every year 6 child who wanted one. That is considered progress. A few years back, several hundred children were not allocated school places in March, and many were still without them in September. As far as I know, some of them were offered part-time schooling in temporary accommodation.

Part time schooling in temporary accomodation?! It makes us sound like a third world country.
Don't take 'no' for an answer-go to the local paper/MP -it is a disgrace.
Of course a DC has to have a full time place, between the ages of 5 yrs and 16yrs. I can see that it can be a place that you don't want-but there has to be a place!

see now what we have here is the combined weight of that formidable trio, clary, seeker and piscesmoon, up in arms at this situation.

I agree with piscesmoon and seeker as so often - this needs to be brought to the attention of local paper and MP; it's against the law as I understand it.

We must be right then Clary.

I once asked my DCs Head what happened if a new DC came and wanted a place, (DS had 35 in the class at the time)and she said they would have to take them, but she would say 'do you really want your DC taught in a class of 36?' and hope they would go elsewhere.
I'm not too sure on the numbers thing-she didn't give a very clear answer, but I do know that the LEA have to provide a full time school place from the age of 5 yrs.

Mistressploppy: I agree with all who've said you should put your son's name on the prep waiting list, and review once it gets to that stage. I also agree wholeheartedly with Hulababy, in that gut instinct plays a massive role in school choice. DS is at a prep, and DD in the junior department of a 3-18 independent girls' school, and both were gut instinct choices.

FWIW, DS's prep is very, very 'posh' (we are not). I have no sense whatsoever, though, that he's only mixing with 'mega-privileged' children. And even if he were doing so at school, he would certainly not be mixing with the mega-privileged at home. I think the privilege thing is a myth. But it is true in any middle-class school that school fairs are like giant Boden catalogue shoots. That's equally true of the 'outstanding' state primary in our road that we didn't choose to apply to once we'd seen the private schools that were also local to us.

Personally, I think you'd be crazy to choose the state option if you can readily afford the private one - but that's not a popular view on MN, and it's also not necessarily right for your particular child.

From what I know of the situation where I live, local papers and MPs are very much involved, the issue at times dominates local politics, people fight, fight and fight some more. If you do some googling you will find examples of campaigns to start new schools that have attracted a lot of press. But none of that means school places magically appear at the moment they are needed (and magic is needed as the forecasts are often wrong or subject to political massage), or helps alleviate the stress on families without places.

I know it is against the law but the law has to be enforced for it to mean anything. And it would have been down to us to go through a long battle (and possibly a very expensive one) to force the LEA to comply with the law. And our DD would have been stuck in the middle of this without a school place for possibly a year while we slugged it out.

I couldn't put her through this and gave in.

We were eventally offered a place after nearly a year, at a school miles away. DD was by this time settled in new school and did not want to disrupt her. So have stuck with private ever since.

I don't want to name the LEA as it could put my friend in the council in an awkward position. However, it will not be long before it is all out and MP, local press etc will be involved.

So what did the people in your position who could not afford private school fees do?

More ignorant generalisations, rasputin.

It also depends whether you can afford the life style and the school. if you can only afford one or the other, state school and pony wins hands down over private school and no pony!

Rasputin, bluntly you are talking cr*p.

My Dcs do not sneer at anyone, neither do their friends.

Prep school is about giving your DCs a good education and giving them the opportunity to develop their talents. The same as any good school, state or private.

The sneeriest kids I have met attend the local highly selective state grammar.

That school is openly all about exam results, not much interest in non academic pursuits. Most of the parents want their DCs to become doctors - ie money, money, money.

My DD desperately wants to be an actor and singer. She is very advanced academically, but that is not her passion. She will probably be a penniless actress but she will be doing what she loves. And we fully support her in that.

I agree that it would be great for everyone to participate in a well funded state system, and I tried to but was not able to get places for my DCs. I have friends in France who participate in their high quality well funded state education system, as does everyone living in their village. Would love DCs to have access to such. But because people in this country are not prepared to pay the level of taxes needed to fund such a system we have a poorly funded second class education system which can only operate even at this low standard by failing to provide a service for those it decides can afford to pay for it themselves.

I would be quite willing to pay much higher taxes to fund a better education system. I have all my life voted for whichever party promises this. But I seem to be in the minority as the votes go the way of the party promising lower taxes, more personal wealth etc. It's a shame but i can't change the attitudes of the whole country single handed.

I don't have time to swan about in Boden mixing with the super rich. Too busy working, as are a lot of parents at DCS schools.

My DCs are in private schools because those were the best available to them at the time. In fact they were the only schools available to them - see my previous posts. Sometimes people pay because that is the only way their DCs can attend school AT ALL.

Please remove chip from shoulder, rasputin.

seeker - do I HAVE to have a pony

Rasputin, that's rot.

Don't worry about making the decision now. Pay your £50.00 registration fee for the prep school so his name's down and keep your options open. The best option will become apparent when you know your child as a preschooler.

This is easy. Send him to the state school and see how he gets on. If he's doing well and you are happy with the school, then leave well enough alone and congragulate yourself on all the money you are saving for his future. If you're not happy with the school, then whack him into the prep. End of.

This is easy. Send him to the state school and see how he gets on. If he's doing well and you are happy with the school, then leave well enough alone and congragulate yourself on all the money you are saving for his future. If you're not happy with the school, then whack him into the prep. End of.

It would be that simple if Prep schools gave you a happiness guarantee, but they don't. He could be just as unhappy in the Prep.

And let's not forget the endless waiting lists at preps. There's absolutely no guarantee that you'd get a place if and when you got fed up with the state option.