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Original poster

9 yr old laughed at by whole class for getting question wrong

26 replies

chocolatelovingmummy · 17/03/2010 18:06

my 9 yr old daughter came out of school really upset today,she says she put her hand up to answer a question which was brave for her! she got the answer wrong and then tried to correct it and got it wrong again and then the whole class were in fit of hysterics laughing at her, she said she started crying,teacher told them to stop and then got on with things.i feel really bad for her and for the first time ever does not want to go to school tomorrow.I just think its enough to put her off of putting her hand up in class again,if anybodys got advise as to how they would handle this id really appreciate it.I know its just one of those cruel things in life that she has to learn to deal with but its a big deal to them at the time.Thanks for reading this,im new to this so i hope im in the right place and sorry its so long!.

OP posts:

englishpatient · 17/03/2010 18:27

I'm so sad to read your post - children can be so thoughtless. I haven't got any good advice - I am sure you are already reassuring her that it was GREAT that she tried, and that was what mattered, and how silly the other children were being! I'm glad the teacher told them to stop (my daughter was laughed at in yr 6 by the teacher, who encouraged the children to laugh at her for not doing as well as usual!). Is she generally shy or is it only in this sort of situation?

MmeBlueberry · 17/03/2010 18:28

What was the question and what was her answer?

Why do you think it was brave of her to put up her hand to answer a question? Surely that's what the expectation?

I agree that it is not nice to be laughed at, but sometimes children (and teachers ) say funny things. She should not have been laughed at because she was naive, or anything like that, and the teacher should have intervened to calm the situation (basically to add value to what she said).

GettinTrimmer · 17/03/2010 19:09

I was very nervous about speaking in front of other students in a seminar when I was at university, so I can appreciate your 9 yo dd was brave to answer a question in front of all the others.

Hope she gets over it - when I was in the 6th form I remember answering a question when I had a croaky throat which the others thought was hilarious, agree with englishpatient children can be thoughtless.

I would just keep reassuring her she has valid opinions and good ideas and when you get a chance have a word with the teacher to see if s/he can encourage her to continue putting her hand up.

chipmonkey · 17/03/2010 19:57

MmeBlueberry, for some children, putting up their hand to answer a question is a huge thing. If you are a shy child, it takes a lot of guts and if clm's dd finds it hard and then got laughed at, the poor little thing must be gutted!

chocolatelovingmummy, I would praise your dd for putting her hand up and explain that her classmates probably didn't mean to be unkind. Maybe have a quick word with the teacher and tell her how your dd feels and maybe she can encourage her to keep putting her hand up.

MmeBlueberry · 17/03/2010 20:43

I'm a teacher, chipmonkey, and I have never come across a child that feels that it takes guts to put up their hand at all.

It is something we expect all children to do, unless they have a particular special need.

RatherBeOnThePiste · 17/03/2010 20:44

..... and this is precisely why that DS won't put his hand up for anything. He is 10.

MmeBlueberry · 17/03/2010 20:47

My Year 5s practically have kittens to volunteer answers. I would be concerned if I had any in my classes that were afraid to answer. I would want to get to the bottom of the issue (sensitively, of course).

herbietea · 17/03/2010 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

tethersend · 17/03/2010 20:54

The teacher may well ask her a question tomorrow to which she is sure your DD knows the answer- thus restoring her confidence a bit. That's what I'd do.

Mention it to the teacher tomorrow if you can.

SingleMum01 · 17/03/2010 21:01

Mmebluebery - I would never put my hand up as a child and I hated being asked to answer a question. I have no special needs and was always in the top classes. Some kids are just shy

Prosecco · 17/03/2010 21:04

I teach several children every who would never dream of putting their hand up, even although it may be an expectation. Even when asked a direct question I have specifically selected for them, they look horrified.

I would stress to your daughter that she did the right thing by attempting to answer and maybe ask her to think of times when other children in the class may have said something funny she laughed at. Stress it was a one off, and whilst upsetting, she can't let it put her off. The class will almost certainly not be thinking about it any more.

You could maybe speak to the teacher although I think she will probably be looking to remedy it herself anyway. If it were me, I would be looking to build her confidence over the next few days by asking targeted questions of her that I am confident she will get correct. She will feel better about herself, the class won't remember the 1 time she answered out, and someone else will have no doubt said something even more hilarious by the end of the week.

JohnnylovesJazz · 17/03/2010 21:12

MmeBlueberry I'm quite surprised by your comments, my dd is terrified of putting her hand up, she is not an overly confident child although that is improving with age but she is also perfectly normal has has no special needs.

I find it hard to believe that as a teacher you have never come across a child who found answering a question in front of 29 other kids terrifiying.

Chocloving...I'd have a brief chat with the teacher in the morning to give her an idea of the impact the situation had on your child. Hugs.

MmeBlueberry · 17/03/2010 21:20

Seriously?

I must have an unnaturally large complement of confident 9 and 10 year olds in my classes. They are all bursting to answer. I can't think of any that wants to be invisible and I have the huge dilemma of making sure I am fair in my selections. Of course, they often give really oddball answers, but I can usually give the appropriate encouraging comment to keep up their enthusiasm.

If I am being perfectly honest, I don't think 9 year olds particularly listen to other children's answers. They are just eager to answer themselves. This often results in a string of identically wrong answers.

I would be interested in knowing what the question and answer was from the OP. I really wouldn't anticipate this kind of scenario until Year 7 or 8, tbh.

Original poster

chocolatelovingmummy · 17/03/2010 21:42

Thanks for all the great advice,have talked to her and have managed to convince her that they would have all forgotten about it by now and not to let it put her off putting her hand up and trying again,she seems alot happier now,but still wonder if she will actually have the guts to!.She is quite shy when it comes to speaking in front of the whole class but is also quite confident in other situations and has really come out of herself in the last year and it is a really big thing for her to put her hand up in front of the class to answer a question with out being asked first,in the past she would never have attempted it but does not have special needs.

OP posts:

Original poster

chocolatelovingmummy · 17/03/2010 21:56

Mmeblueberry-The question was by the sound of it from what i could make out,to do with a chart they had to decide if watcing t.v along with other situations was A=seems good but bad,B=seems bad but good C=seems good but good D=seems bad but bad!!.yr 4,not really hard but perhaps didnt think before she answered.

OP posts:

FrozenChocolate · 17/03/2010 22:08

Isn't there a saying something like if a person asks a question and people laugh he looks like a fool for five minutes but he who doesn't ask a question remains a fool for the rest of his life...or summat like that. Well she didn't ask the question, she answered but you know what I mean. I bet she was not the only one thinking that was the answer.

TabithaTwitchet · 17/03/2010 22:09

Mme Blueberry, I was another child who was terrified of putting their hand up. Even at university I used to sweat, go red, even physically shake after I had put my hand up to answer a question (and I only ever did it because I felt bad for the lecturer because nobody else was answering or they were all getting the answer wrong). At school I didn't care about the teacher's feelings, so I never put my hand up, ever - I'd usually whisper the answer to a friend and they would put their hand up instead.
I don't consider myself to have special needs. I was just shy, and still am (although now I am better at hiding it).

sherby · 17/03/2010 22:11

I still remember the boy who put his hand up and answered orgasm instead of organism

I don't think it is that unusual for a child to be shy to answer a question in class

dilemma456 · 18/03/2010 11:36

Message withdrawn

mymumsweats · 18/03/2010 11:56

Your poor DD.
Not what you want to hear but I still remember being ridiculed by the whole class age about 14 because there was a discussion of rape in relation to a book we were reading in an English class and I said that I thought a man could be raped by a woman.
The whole class laughed and laughed.

FernieB · 18/03/2010 12:13

How sad for your DD. As a shy person myself and a parent of 1 shy child, I found it helpful to realise that the kids are not laughing at me (or my daughter) but at what they thought was a funny answer. The best reaction when this happens is to laugh along as well and just say "oops, that wasn't really what I meant to say". I would have a quick word with teacher if you can to try and get her to ask your DD an easy question so that she can get something right in front of the class, just for her confidences sake.

I am trying to encourage my DD's (both 9) to speak up in German lessons at the moment. They refuse to speak as they are in a class of fluent German speakers and any mistake they make is laughed at, but they are slowly improving.

Clary · 18/03/2010 22:42

mmeblueberry am amazed to hear you are a teacher.

Maybe it's that you're a really good aned encouraging one so great!

But my DS1 is really really not keen to put his hand up and if he does he often doesn't give an answer. Just puts his head in his hands.

We are working to get round this and it is getting better but it's been a problem for ages (he's in yr 6 now).

And it's not just him; I have helped in lots of classes and done lots of work with schools and it's not at all unusual IME to find there are children (sometimes groups of childre) who never put their hand up and have to be actively encouraged.

OP sounds like yo dealt with it well. Please continue to encourage her: this has helped my DS1: "if we got the answers right all the time there'd be no point going to school because we wouldn't be learning anything, so it's not only OK to get it wrong, it helps the teacher see what you need to go over again."

MmeBlueberry · 19/03/2010 18:47

I can honestly say that none of my Year 5s and 6s have any trouble putting their hands up (I don't teach anyone younger). They all jump up and should 'me, me, me'. I do encourage students, but they also encourage one another, which I think is probably far more important.

I think it is sad that a child who spends several years with the same class members feels 'terrified' in their company. Something is wrong, surely?

If a child is particularly shy, the teacher needs to find a way of putting them at ease. I just could not let such as situation persist in any of my classes. I would really be letting that child down, and then I wouldn't be doing my job.

claig · 19/03/2010 21:47

I think lots of kids are shy like this. There is nothing wrong with them. Shyness is very painful, but it is usually a sign of greater sensitivity and often a sign of greater intelligence.

It is a mistake to try and force the issue. Many disruptive children are also shy underneath their tough exteriors, and trying to force the issue can lead to all sorts of behavioural problems for the teacher.

It is not only shyness, but also a reluctance to be exposed as looking stupid. Many students don't want to take the risk of being wrong as it exposes the level of their understanding to other students who may be rivals. It is unlikely that the whole class will be one big happy family, and some students will not want to give ammunition to people who are not their friends.

DinahRod · 19/03/2010 21:54

MmeB, how many in your classes?

It is not at all unusual for children to be nervous about answering in class. It's a shame dd was laughed at but it probably happens to everyone at some point - and it can seem horrible but it doesn't mean it was maliciously done. Think you dealt with it in just the right way.

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