I think I'm wasting my money sending ds to a private school. I need some help please.

[scrooged]

I can't see the difference between a state school and the one he's in. The classes are small but the lessons are being disrupted by some unruly pupils. They keep moaning about ds because he's joining in with them. I'm getting so annoyed that I'm paying for this. The work he's doing is no different to a state school, he's very bright and whizzing through it. I really don't know where to go from here. We could move and get a bigger house in a nice area with a nice school and save the money I'm spending on the fees. I feel like I've made a huge mistake moving him there but he's fairly happy. ARGH!!!

Not sure why you would think a state school would be more suited to scrooged's ds scienceteacher. Unless you think they are better at teaching very bright children, and I suspect that's not what you mean at all...

But anyway...

Why does he have this report card? What has led to him being on it for so long. We put children on report, but wouldn't keep a child on it for months on end without a better reason than laughing to himself while other children run riot.

Thanks.

He had problems settling in, he did (not now) shout out and was questioning the teachers (was severly told off for this and has been OK since). I was told he swore aswell, this is not normal behaviour from ds and was reported to the teacher by a child. I've not been told of anythings like this since they started using the chart in October and I have asked twice if he can no longer have it but the teacher keeps using it.

They have a SENCO science teacher if this is what you are getting at. She has no concerns and teaches the class for a couple of the lessons.

Have you been in and sat down with the teacher and talked through it all? You say you've "got" to go in because you've asked for him to come off the report. Forgive me if it's difficult for you - I work FT and would find it hard to get to a meeting in school too - but I don't see how this can be done without a face-to-face meeting.

FWIW my ds who is older but also exceptionally bright is faring much better in state than private. He is the type of kid who questions everything and needs to be stretched and engaged. He wouldn't do work that was just 'time filling' and I would imagine could be very challenging to teach

I've arranged to go in on Wednesday. I work FT but will do this as he's getting paraniod that the teachers don't think much of him and that he's being singled out. I spoke to her in October when she started using the chart, I did agree to it then because he wasn't settling in well. Shouting out was something we got rid of a 18 months ago, then it started again when he moved and I want to support the school as much as I can. Since then he's settled in alot better, they prefer parents to communicate through notes so I have had to write and ask for him not to use it. She's still used it though.

There are so many options, I'm afraid of moving him again and it all going wrong but I can't see how things are going to work out if the class is teaching him how to get into trouble IYKWIM.

How do you actually know that it is the other children starting it and him getting it in the neck, scrooged? Is this what the teacher tells you? Or is it how your ds sees it?

I am afraid I wouldn't take my own son's word for this sort of thing unless I saw it with my own eyes on a regular basis. I would always suspect that the other kids were saying the same thing about my ds. Perhaps I'm just a mean, suspicious old thing, but IME dc's impression on what went on in a classroom situation isn't always the same as their teacher's impression or the other children's impression.

I do agree cory. I've been told by some of the parents about their children's bahaviour, more settling in problems. At least I can tell from the chart exactly what ds has been doing and I know he's being truthful because it matches with what he's telling me. I am assuming some of it's exagerating though, like when he say's one boy swears infront of the teacher in German (german child).

How do you react when he tells you of these incidents - with disapproval or laugh it off with him ? I suspect he may well be picking up mixed messages . If he can be as mature as you believe he was in the year group above previously, he should be capable of continuing that now. After all they were then the age group he is with now. Some take life more seriously than others, identify those kids who he would be better emulating rather than the class clowns. You do need to view this as a collective problem - school and you/ds - and going to see the teacher is a positive start. I really doubt he'd be any better in a different school at present.

Surely scienceteacher no child deserves to have their learning disrupted by another child, whether they are state or independent sector.

It sounds as if a homework diary would be of use. That way ds or his teacher could fill in what the homework is and you can check if it has been done. If it has been done at school then the teacher can put a note to that effect. If he is very bright and repeating a year then not sure why his homework has to be repeated. Sounds if there is some underlying issue that may also account for his behaviour. Also don't understand why he has been moved back into his year group if he was doing well previously at the other school. What did his old school's report say about that and what was the reason for moving him back into his year group? If he is very bright and capable of doing the year above's work then I don't understand why that has been done. He may be bored and unchallenged in class which would account for some of his behaviour issues but that wouldn't account for failing to do homework properly.

If I were you I'd be loathe to move him again. You obviously took the decision to move him before and chose this school so I'd be minded to try and sort things out here.

I wouldn't be willing to pay for an education that has pupils disrupting a lesson. I would expect the school to sort it out or I would move my DC.

I dont think srooged that moving your son is the answer again.

I disaprove and try and emphasise how hard a teachers job is and how disrespectful it is to throw a rubber/interupt/tell a joke and disturb the class. I'm trying to get him to understand that he can be silly at play time but not in class as it disturbs the learning for everyone else. He gets it but it is giving him mixed messages if there are others in the class doing this.
He has a homework diary but it's rarly filled in correctly, he sometimes writes maths and nothing else so I can't always make sure he's done it all, he does tend to do the shorterned version too, I'm trying to get him to be more responsible for his work, if it's not done properly/enough I will ask him what the teacher wanted so he can have a rethink but he doesn't always put more effort in so it's often done again at play time in school.
The previous school was a primary, the new school has a secondary school aswell so it made sense to move him. I didn't get along with the religious teachings of the old head at his old school, it was the head's before him's idea to move ds up a year as she was going to be teaching the class and she knew ds was very bright. Then she left . The old school reports have highlighted him as having social problems (getting on with other children), we've worked really hard on this and he's really popular now.

I am reluctant to move him, I can't see how he is better off now though. I'll speak to them on Wednesday as I'm unsure what's going on with him. I'm assuming there's something they are not telling me which is why they are still using the chart.

How many of these problems are the same sort of problem as your ds had at his previous school?

None of them apart from the jokes.
He did used to shout out before skipping the year at his old school, he did answer back when asked what he was doing but no longer does this. He's more emapthetic now aswell.
The major complaints at his old school were that he answered back and didn't get along with the other children due to being socially inept. We worked on this a great deal and had alot of friends by the time he left and has no problems at this now (I've seen him with the other children). The old head though he was too opinionated (he is a very bright boy though) so I've taught him to only express them when asked and to respect others opinions.

Have you spoken to the school before about these issues or is this the first time? If you have spoken before then I'd refer back to that meeting and assess what has improved and what hasn't. Nothing wrong with being opinionated so long as he is also polite and respectful. Imo there is no place for being 'silly' at school as bad behaviour isn't to be encouraged either in class or in the playground.

I had a problem when my ds moved from nursery to reception. The child his teacher described bore no relation to anyone I knew. Ended up having a meeting with the head, head of pre-prep, his teacher and TA. Very productive and his end of term report reflected both his ability and behaviour to be the child I knew. I was pretty apprehensive and also wondered whether I made the right choice but I was very impressed at how quickly my concerns were addressed. Good luck with your meeting. I work full time too and the school suggested a meeting time of 8am which was very helpful to me (if it had been during school hours I'd have had to take a half day holiday to attend).

I thought the problem was that other children were being disruptive and he was just getting drawn in?
A lot of the problem would seem to me that school hasn't sorted out the general behaviour in class. What is being done about the other children?
I wouldn't generally move a child who had already been moved, but this isn't the state sector-you are paying for an education that you must think is better and yet it seems far worse! I would expect any DC who is regularly disrupting a lesson to be removed and their parent to be called. Have you seen the behaviour policy?

"I can't see the difference between a state school and the one he's in. The classes are small but the lessons are being disrupted by some unruly pupils."

The difference is that the classes are bigger but they don't allow unruly pupils to disrupt lessons (well they do, but not in the good ones). All I can think of is that they don't want to upset the parents of the unruly ones and lose the fees.

You have nothing to fear in terms of education by sending your child to a good state school rather than a mediocre private school.

However, I do recall (a bit) your old posts when he was at his last school and, sorry to say this, but it does sound like your DS may have issues with his social skills. He is clearly a very bright boy, and this can sometimes come with quirky tendancies, but any school may struggle to deal with this along with meeting the other children's needs. Have you thought about some outside counselling/therapy type thing to help him with empathy,socialising, appropriate expression of opinion, listening to others etc. This might help to nip any problems in the bud, and really help him as an adult.

When my DCs were that age their (state) school had nurture groups, to help children with social skills etc and buddy schemes. There were IEPs for behaviour. They weren't allowed to stay in the classroom disrupting lessons-but they did get help.
Now they are at a comprehensive there is a pupil referral unit unit, report card system, parental involvement.
I think you would be much better off with a good state school, or a better private school than the one you have.

He sounds a bit like a boy I know who is the same age, bright and articulate and shouts out alot. He also laughs inappropriately (for school, I mean - other children might laugh too, but the way he does it is very disruptive...)

He was at risk of permanent exclusion for things that sound similar to the OP's son.

Anyway, he has had some specialised support (in state education) to help him identify which behaviours are a problem, and how to take responsibility for self-control, and things are MUCH better now.

Is there any chance of accessing any specialised support for him?

They have a SENCO who was in on the first meeting. It was agreed that she would contact me at christmas if he still had not settled in and was having problems making friends. She's not done this, I've seen him with the other children, he's respectful, caring and plays well and I've been doing social skills work with him over the past 12 months, there is a clear difference in his attitude towards others and in his behaviour. He does help other alot, he empathise, he's not disruptive/distructive/violent, they do have far worse children there who are violent to others. Being a bit silly outside the classroom is a compromise, he's still maturing. By silly I mean boy stuff (jokes, running around, talking about bums), there's no place for this in the classroom but if he has to run around then the best place is outside IMO.
I had a meeting with his teacher and the SENCO in October when they introduced the chart due to ds having problems making friends, this is completely resolved now. He is being drawn into other children's behaviour, he's laughing at them when they are misbehaving and using the excuse 'I can't help it'. He's also getting into trouble for talking in class, he's telling me that all he's doing is telling the kid sitting next to him the date. I'm not sure how true this is but I know that he's a helpful boy and he would do this without thinking that it disturbs the class because he wants to help. Their behaviour policy is very good but it doesn't look to me as if it is implimented very well in his classroom.

I'm seriously hoping he's not at risk of exclusion for telling the child sitting next to him the date!

It won't be all the other boys who are misbehaving , probably a small if loud a minority. He needs to understand not to join in or talk in class and the fact that he feels the needs to suggests he is still socially immature as if it is a route to acceptance . Can you(perhaps with teacher's help) identify a few more sensible boys to encourage him to sit next to and befriend.

As to the hoemwork surely he should n't be doing it in breaktimes. Does he attend prep sessions and do it there? Even so why not ask him to bring it home and talk you through what he has done, then hand it in at the deadline

How is he at home - do you recognise any of the behaviours?

Is he your only one or youngest at home?

The boy I know found it hard to accept that adults in school treated him differently and had different expectations of him than his mum. She is a great mum, but something that he found difficult was the difference between her treating him as an equal, or indulging his attention seeking, and him being one child in a class of many who have to conform to certain rules.