Should I keep my daughter at her private school ??

[mummyloveslucy]

I'm really not sure what to do about my daughters schooling. She is 3.5 and in a nursery linked to a private girls school that goes from 2-18 years. She really enjoys the nursery and we love the school. We had planned for her to stay there for the juniors at least and hopfully she would pass her 11+ and go to the grammer school.
She has a speech disorder and co-ordination difficulties, and we don't know wether she will later have difficulties in reading/ wrighting. The school she is at is very accademic and is in the top 5% in the country for exam results etc. I'm not sure now wether it is going to be the right environment for her. She would benefit from the small classes but is 1 teacher to 15 pupils the same as 1 teacher and 1 assistant to 30 pupils ?
I really want to do the right thing for her but I'm not sure what that is. She absoluitly loves music, so she might do very well in that area.
Would it be fair on her to take her out of the school she loves and put her in to a good state school? She is quite shy in large groups of people.
I know that is she didn't go to the private school then she could have music lessons etc.
What would you do ??

They are really doing all they can in the nursery to help her. They have improved her confidence to the point where she will call out loud and proud "Good morning Mrs X", even though she knows it dosn't sound much like how it's ment to. They really praise her efforts. I was really suprised at parents evening to hear all what they have been doing and plan to do with her. They seem to have her sussed.

She is having speech therapy one to one every week. We also get sheets to take home.

but for all you love it , if you didn't have doubts you wouldn't be asking.

tbh I sometimes have had doubts about where ds is , it isn't all plain sailing and there have been times where I have wondered if he wouldn't be better off elsewhere. Bit too late for us to reconsider now though. He is too emotionally attached, doing well enough academically and the systems around here don't lend themselves to swapping easily at his age. If you are likely to need to move her, do so sooner rather than later before L could get the impression that somehow she has "failed".

Oh they probubly mean when she's at school. The ST has said that she will still see her if needs be at the clinic. She won't go in to the school though, she can phone etc.

I don't know what proportion leave at 11 for the grammar schools, but the school should be able to tell you that. I gather it's not an 11+ hothouse like some prep schools, and that at least some of the prep school parents are making a conscious decision NOT to choose the grammar schools because they want somewhere that is smaller/more nurturing/less driven/ safer.

And I know that in Y7 they have a significant intake of girls who didn't make the grade at grammar school entrance, either through not being that academic or through lack of confidence or stamina.

The thing is, she might end up being fine. The SALT has said that she gets more support than any other child she sees. She also said that she is responding well to therapy. (It seems slow progress to me though). She will have us to help her at home too. I can see your point though, if we had to move her I wouldn't want her to think that she's failed. We would probubly keep her there if that's what she wanted and just try to help her at home as much as possible.

Thanks frogs, I would also love her to stay there all the way through. It's just that it will become extreamly expensive.

Frogs- Is there an etrance exam for the seinior school?

To put it bluntly what if the school turned round at say year 2/aged7 and said she wasn't coping so suggest she might she be better off somewhere else ? How would you explain it to her ? Hopefully that situation would n't arise but you need to be sure. Does the school have a SENCO you can talk to as regards whether they have any previosu experience in this specific area.

There are lots of unknowns here and you , quite understandably , want to give dd the best opportunity to succeed. Gather all the information you can about L's problems, and if you haven't already spoken to an OT re coordination issues it is probably worth trying to do so , visit the state schools and ask questions then discuss the smae questions and potential scenarios with the current school so you can actually compare what is on offer and where L will derive most benefit.

If that did ever happen, then I'd tell Lucy that we couldn't afford it any more. I wouldn't let her know it was anything to do with her.
I will talk to the school though, to make sure that this won't happen. I'll talk to the head of juniors and to the SENCO to see what they say. The worst it could be is language difficulties and delayed reading/ wrighting. She could on the other hand have no problems at all by the time she's 5.
I am optemistic.

That's fine but by that stage they are often already acutely aware of where they come in the pecking order.

To be honest I'm not quite sure about the co-ordination side of things. I've noticed that she trips a lot and when she runs she looks a bit all over the place and I worry about her falling. She has always been a very coutious child and won't climb a ladder or ride a 3 wheeler by herself.
She was late to sit up, walk etc. She also bites her tounge a lot while eating. This is very distressing for her.
When she's tired her co ordination and her speech tend to go out the window. I feel there might be a link there.

Thanks everyone for all your advice. It's been really helpfull. I will keep an open mind, find out all the facts and decide what's best for my daughter.

Do be aware that if they cannot deal with her wetting herself at 3.5, they will be even less able to deal with her wetting herself at 4.5, or 5.5.

That would be a deal breaker for me. I couldn't bear to send my child somewhere where he would be shamed for not having bladder control as good as the other children - and to some children, it comes later than others. A little boy in Ds1's reception has no special needs, but still wets once a week! Imagine going through the ordeal of your teacher making you feel ashamed of yourself for something you can't help every single week

And what sort of teacher does that to a 3.5 year old anyway? What a terrible, terrible lack of respect.

And bear in mind that 93% of children in the country go to state school - a surprising number of them do not talk, walk or act like "yobs". And a surprising number of the 7% who go to private school may not walk or talk like yobs but certainly act like yobs. And state school pupils can be "polite and lady-like". And state schools do not generally weed out those children who may not fit the "image" the school wishes to project.

Try to put your prejudices aside - then you will be able to find out what's best for your real life child, not what was best for you or what you would like your child to be. And fight your child's corner. If you think what a teacher does is wrong then question it. Don't assume that they know better than you - don't allow yourself to be blinded by results, publicity or tradition. Or by your own wishful thinking.

I don't think how she handled it was that bad. I think she was just trying to point out that Lucy would get no attention for doing this. She has better bladder control at school than she does at home. She gets lots of praise ond stickers for using the toilet. They can cope with accidents, they are just trying to limmit them.

I know seeker, sorry. I'm just going by my secondery school.
You are right and have given some great advice. Thanks.

Just to give you a bit of an idea about poor coordination, my DD struggled with lumps when being weaned, a bit late to crawl, not late to walk, very late to jump, pedal a trike, messy eater, used to trip a lot and was all arms and legs flapping when running, struggled to dress herself, found it very difficult to hold a pen, immature drawing, has to be held by the hand firmly when walking down the road so she didn't bump into lamp posts or fall over. There was more but I can't think of it atm.

As she was my first child I didn't have a clue really what was going on. It wasn't until reception that it became obvious. She attended our local coordination clinic which does OT and physio and had one on one sessions with the senco. She is now hugely improved and the dyspraxia doesn't have anywhere so much impact on her life.

Knowing that Lucy does have a few coordination issues at her age is great as it gives you a really good chance to work on it from a young age.

DD's speech is now normal, her problems seemed to have been with her having difficulty getting her tongue to move in the right direction.

Good luck with whatever you decide. You are in a good position as all this has come about whilst she is young so you can make informed decisions now.

One thing I learned early on was that I had to drop my preconceived expectations that I unitentionally had. I had assumed with out meaning to that because both DH and I are academic, that DD would be too. Once I ditched my ideas about the grammar, which would definitely be too pressurized for DD, things got much easier and I was able to base my decisions firmly on DD and her needs.

By the way MLL, I remember your very sad thread from Christmas where you were having trouble with your DH as he had called Lucy a "fucking little bitch". I didn't post at the time as I didn't know what to say but was very sad to read this and was wondering if he had now stopped doing this ?

Agree with CT about the coordination . It really is worth asking for a referral now , whether via SALT or gp to see if there is any underlying problem such as dyspraxia which could affect her ability long term with things like writing, organisation , sports, toileting, even speech, none of which would be her fault or within her control.

The earlier you can get intervention on this type of problem , as you are with SALT, the better chance she has of not being frustrated by any gap between her academic and social awareness and confident expression of it. I wonder if what has hitherto been her "strong will" is actually her way fo dealing with frustration and developing coping mechanisms. although it is a very common condition lots of schools tend to overlook it unless it causes additional behavioural problems. While private schools may have a wide curriculum which can help, the staff can be less proactive, sympathetic and the symptoms can be dismissed, as L's accident was.

Chocolateteapot- Yes nothing like that has ever happened before or since. He was under extreme pressure at the time. He has lost the hearing in one ear for no apparent reason and was having urgent MRI scans to rule out a brain tumor. It was compleatly out of charactor. He absoluitly adores her and she is a real Daddys girl.

The co-ordination dosn't seem as bad as your daughters, but I'll still have it checked out. The tongue biting concerns me though as it is so painful for her. It is good that she is still young enough to get some help early on. Thanks.

Oh good, glad things are better with your DH. With the coordination it is good to keep an eye on it. We were blissfully unaware when DD was 3 as she was our first and we didn't really know what to expect and no one at her nursery or the HV picked up on it. It was only in reception that it became obvious.