Should I keep my daughter at her private school ??

[mummyloveslucy]

I'm really not sure what to do about my daughters schooling. She is 3.5 and in a nursery linked to a private girls school that goes from 2-18 years. She really enjoys the nursery and we love the school. We had planned for her to stay there for the juniors at least and hopfully she would pass her 11+ and go to the grammer school.
She has a speech disorder and co-ordination difficulties, and we don't know wether she will later have difficulties in reading/ wrighting. The school she is at is very accademic and is in the top 5% in the country for exam results etc. I'm not sure now wether it is going to be the right environment for her. She would benefit from the small classes but is 1 teacher to 15 pupils the same as 1 teacher and 1 assistant to 30 pupils ?
I really want to do the right thing for her but I'm not sure what that is. She absoluitly loves music, so she might do very well in that area.
Would it be fair on her to take her out of the school she loves and put her in to a good state school? She is quite shy in large groups of people.
I know that is she didn't go to the private school then she could have music lessons etc.
What would you do ??

At the nursery she is at they take a dimb view of her having "accidents" too. The head of nursery, who is lovely but very strict said to me that Lucy wet herself in one of her sessions and she just turned to her and said "not in my class" and walked away. She then said that it got the message accross because throughout the rest of the session, Lucy kept looking over to see if she was still cross.
I don't know if this is too strict or not.
Lucy is ALWAYS having accidents and in september she is going into the head of nursery's class.

that is a rather severe way to treat 2-3yr old. There should n't be a "class" as such at that age anyway. You mention coordination problems earlier, poor toilet control can be linked.

Oh bless her, my DD had trouble with wetting herself at that age, in fact she's had problems on and off for years. But her school has always been really brilliant and supportive about it. I would be most upset if she had received that reaction at 3.5 and it would ring big alarm bells for me.

We went down the state route, which we had decided on before we knew DD had Dyspraxia. She also used to have speech difficulties. For us it has been the right choice. She has had access to first class OT & physio. The SALT wasn't great but as we weren't paying school fees we were able to pay for SALT, had one who was also fantastic.

DD certainly wouldn't have coped well in a very academically focused environment. Having been where she has been and with all the help she has received in school and from the other health professionals she has made really really good progress and is about to transfer to Middle School not on the active SN register, which was completely and utterly unthinkable a couple of years ago.

We did think about the private sector as I thought there would be no way she would be able to cope with Middle school but when I looked into it I didn't feel there were any private schools locally which would be able to help her with her particular needs.

yes, SALT services are pretty thin on the ground. The only way you'll be able to get one-on-one weekly speech therapy is either by applying and fighting for a statement and having it quantified in the statement, or paying for a private SALT.

Maybe you could have a discussion with the school, be very open and honest about your DDs needs and see what they say.

The way the head of nursery dealt with your DDs accident is not a good sign in my view. Not at all. If your DD has dyspraxia or dyspraxic traits, toileting is one of the issues that is definitely affected.

Early Years Action is just the formal term for the level of support in a nursery, when a child is deemed to need more help. It's the first stage of response and all it means is that your child is on a SEN register, and the nursery may adapt teaching to suit her needs, or she might get differentiated assignments and an Individual Education Plan. The SENCO should co-ordinate this and the early years officer from the local authority SEN team usually gets involved.

It's a bit of a jungle, but keep asking as there's lots of us in a same boat!

Oh Lord MLL, get her out. If they cannot cope with a three year old little girl wetting herself to the point where they berate her they cannot cope with much, can they?

Get her into a good state school, don't leave her there with that awful woman, the only 'message' she put across was that she has no tolerance.

yes, that IS too strict - in fact dunno about strict, it's just bad practice and unprofessional to deal with a child of THREE that way

She should have experienced nothing but a kind, non-judgemental adult taking her off to change.

I think if it helps and FWIW I would start her off at a good state primary if this was me. Because she's so young and you don't yet know how she will progress and develop and how much help she will need. If you can't afford help on top of fees I think it would be ignoring the facts if you let her carry on where she is.

I think that you should visit the local state primaries that your daughter might go to. See what the unit is like, read the Ofsted report rather than going on hearsay. You might be pleasently surprised.

agree with ReallyTired. We considered private for ds and the state school he goes to is far better! The grounds are HUGE, green, and leafy with a little wooded area and a wildlife area/pond...the classrooms all have luxurious carpets and huge thick pile rugs and those interactive whiteboards and PC's in every classroom..........the teachers (99% of them) are brilliant, quality of teaching as well as environment spot on.

by the time he goes to senior school locally it won't be so posh but for infant age - it simply can't be bettered.

don't be feeling you're not giving her enough if you go state - i think it sounds like you'll be opening up MORE opportunities for her to get help.

I know how hard it must be to decide.

Didn't you go to this same school? I'd say it's natural to want to provide what WE had as kids, if it was good because we have those lovely memories; but your DD is not YOU.

Oh we are quite close, but a different LEA.

Some private schools can cope well with SEN (especially if the child wouldn't be statemented.) Other's can't.

Erm is the private school near the primary school you asked about?

I agree about visiting the one with the unit with an open mind. Our local primary has a SALT unit attached and the ethos of providing support pervades the school, there are focussed staff and facilities (such as using less echoey floor surfaces) to cater for specific needs beyond those of the kids in the unit. Class sizes are often less than 30. As a result there is a breadth of children and culture of tolerance. L may not need the specialist unit but could benefit from its ripple effect. If your niece is so unhappy there why haven't her parents moved her? Is it any more true than of any other school I wonder.

The money that you would have spent on the private school could be invested for your daughter and if necessary it would pay for a private secondary school if she doesn't get in the grammar school.

Children are not carbon copies of their parents. What might have suited you as a child won't necessarily suit your child. Also state schools are far better funded and resourced than in the past.

Its also attitude to children. Ie. Would the school value your your child or make your child feel stupid? Will the teachers feel happy to teach a child with language delays. Or see your child as liability who will bring them down in the league table positions.

Children with language delay often catch up and do well later. Please don't feel that your child won't do well academically. My little boy had virtually no speech at three and half, but at six years old his speech is fine and is making good academic progress.

Oh, my niece isn't unhappy there. I've just herd her talk about the children in the unit being very loud and disruptive. She isn't in the unit. She see's them at play time and dinner time.
My daughter is anythig but loud and disruptive. In fact if she hears raised voices on telly it upsets her.
She wouldn't cope in that environment.

Why do you feel that sending her to a state school is giving up on her? I'm not sniping - I'm genuinely curious!

ANd to be honest, I'm not sure that a primary aged child would be a very good witness - your neice may have heard one child in the "unit' being loud and disruptive and assumed they all are. Go and see for yourself.

How old is your niece? She might not be the best judge.

Ie. There might be one or two loud and distruptive children, some children who are elective mutes and some children who are in the middle. There are probably loud distruptive children who aren't in the unit.

I suggest that you ask if you can observe a lesson in the unit. You can then decide for yourself.

It's not a language delay that she has, it's a disorder. The difference is that with a delay they will eventually catch up.
Her vocab is very good but her speech sounds are very distorted. This makes it VERY frustrating for her.

She is 8 and very quiet and timmid. I should go and see for myself. i know that there is a girl with down's syndrome in the unit that my niece really likes.
She said to me " X is always smiling, I think she's the happiest girl in the school". I thought that was sweet.

Seeker- Maybe that was the wrong choice of words. It's just that I went to a private primary (same as my daughter) and I wasn't at all accademic and so I wouldn't have passed my 11+ so my mum put me in to a state secondery which I HATED. My brother was very accademic so he went to a private secondary. I felt that I'd been given up on.

My DD2 has special needs and no speech and is due to start at mainstream primary in September. A friend in the Midlands whose daughter has the same genetic condition and is 2 days younger than my daughter is also due to start school, but at the private school where she has been at nursery.

My daughter has a full statement and 30 hours of 1-1 a week.

The LEA where she is won't even assess her daughter for a statement because they say the private school is meeting her needs without assistance and has done so for the last year. They are only meeting her needs because my friend is paying for extra support!

So be careful if you keep her in private school and want to have her assessed for a statement - the LEAs will often use any excuse possible not to have to assess children.

(As an aside if a member of staff treated my 3 year old like that for wetting her pants, NT or SN, I would have her out of there in a flash. That is a totally unacceptable way to treat any young child who has had an accident.)

If she has an identified speech disorder perhaps she should be statemented, this usually starts at 3.5.

I have 2 DC with (varying) SN in the private sector. My DS' SALT goes into his school, as does the cluster area senco, physio etc so do not understand why the SALT will not go into the school.

I'm going to be really honest here, but you need to consider what is right for your DD.

My DS joined my DD's pre-prep's nursery - his name had gone down before birth - but I knew that a highly academic/push environment was not right for him. After a few weeks it became obvious that he was not welcome and not wanted he did not fit their criteia. Hewas still in nappies, did speak, I had to pay for a 1 to 1 and after only 4 weeks they insisted he be kept back from his peer group the next year.

I found another private school that is smaller and more nurturing, they love him and value him as a pupil. They bend over backwards to accomodate his needs and make him welcome.

The difference in one year has been astounding, they have completely understood what motivates him and how to help him achieve.

At his last school I was told his pencil skills were poor. At his new school I was told they would be using trays of sand and salt to help him understand 'mark making', he was given buckets of water and big paintbrushes and he painted on the dry playground etc all these things were done directly to assist his understanding of prewriting skills - I was never once told his pencil skills were poor (which they are).

Just because you are paying for the education doesn't mean it is the best one for your DD.

Sidge, unlike your friend my DS has been awarded a statement BUT my LEA will not pay for an assistant in a fee paying school.

Has she a diagnosis/prognosis for her speech problem, or is it too early?

And what did the Head say when you told him/her about the pant-wetting incident?

The school has been very supportive. They are giving loads of indevidual help to her. They even work on her speech hrough music and rythem which she loves.
The head is a bit strict but Lucy loves her, she cuddles her when she sees her. She also gets fantastic results. She sees a lot of potential in Lucy.