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Original poster

Should I keep my daughter at her private school ??

152 replies

mummyloveslucy · 31/07/2008 16:29

I'm really not sure what to do about my daughters schooling. She is 3.5 and in a nursery linked to a private girls school that goes from 2-18 years. She really enjoys the nursery and we love the school. We had planned for her to stay there for the juniors at least and hopfully she would pass her 11+ and go to the grammer school.
She has a speech disorder and co-ordination difficulties, and we don't know wether she will later have difficulties in reading/ wrighting. The school she is at is very accademic and is in the top 5% in the country for exam results etc. I'm not sure now wether it is going to be the right environment for her. She would benefit from the small classes but is 1 teacher to 15 pupils the same as 1 teacher and 1 assistant to 30 pupils ?
I really want to do the right thing for her but I'm not sure what that is. She absoluitly loves music, so she might do very well in that area.
Would it be fair on her to take her out of the school she loves and put her in to a good state school? She is quite shy in large groups of people.
I know that is she didn't go to the private school then she could have music lessons etc.
What would you do ??

OP posts:
Chocolateteapot · 01/08/2008 10:19

I think generally you do have to pay for the extra support in a private school. You certainly do in all the ones we considered, it is just how it is and something you have to accept if she stays in the independent sector. So definitely best to have a honest discussion with the school, asking how they will deal with her if she does struggle to write etc. That way you will know if they will be able/prepared to support her fully and the bottom line as how much it will cost you .

I am actually having a little difficulty with the fact that you don't seem to have much of a problem with how your DD's toileting difficulties were handled. I still think this was not at all an appropriate way of handling the situation.

LIZS · 01/08/2008 10:23

Agree with Seeker tbh. You are hoping, almost against hope, for posters to endorse it on face value rather than possibly make what would be a big decision to change. You would not be "giving up" on L at all by looking around and choosing a school which has her best interests at heart and the will to support and encourage her. It may yet be where she already is, but you need to make a conscious choice based on information -form SALT, schools, LEA perhaps, rather than just follow a dream and hope things work out.

Ofsted have probably only assessed the Early Years part of the school btw. There is no requirement for independent schools to be inspected by them beyond that, but there may be a ICSIS report instead.

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 01/08/2008 10:23

Well, I'm going to have to talk to the head of nursery to see what she says. She has asked my husband if he knows wether Lucy's speech is likely to improve etc by the time she is 5. I think she might be a bit worried about junior school. It's hard to tell as I wasn't there and my husband is deaf in one ear, so dosn't always pick up whats said properly.
I need to talk to her and hopfully the SENCO and the junior school head.
I'll also see what other schools have to offer.

OP posts:
seeker · 01/08/2008 10:29

could you start by telling us what is good about the school she's at now?

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 01/08/2008 10:32

There are 2 ofsted reports. 1 for early years and 1 for the whole school.
I really wasn't sure about the wetting insident, that's why I mentioned it. I kind of thought Oh, that's different. Because the school has such a fantastic reputation and this teacher is known for getting the best out of children. I just thought well, she must know what she's doing. She has been in this job for a long time.

OP posts:
HonoriaGlossop · 01/08/2008 10:33

I think you ARE concerned about the wetting incident and how it was handled, otherwise why mention it?

good luck - just go and talk to the people at her current place, and visit local state schools with a truly open mind! I have a ds with some SEN and while he's a sensitive child and I REALLY worried about how he would cope, I have found that state infants has been perfect for him. The teaching is truly top class and if people are fussed about how it's classified they know it is very comprehensively assessed and watched by OFSTED. We have had the Educational Psych in for ds at no cost to us, DS has an IEP which addresses his needs and he gets extra input in small groups almost daily, at no cost to us. They have run a catch up literacy group in the early morning before school, at no cost to us.

and most importantly even than that he's with teachers who are consummate professionals and do not humiliate or intimidate young children who have accidents!

State is NOT giving up on your child!

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 01/08/2008 10:36

Everything! It is a fantastic school, the children are really happy, polite and lady like and the results are the best in the country. They also acchieve really well in music, sport ect. You'd have to see it really to know. The teachers are lovely too.

OP posts:
Chocolateteapot · 01/08/2008 10:38

Sorry, I'm sure you are concerned about the incident which is why you mentioned it. I was being most unfair and I apologise.

One thing I have learned along the way is that you have to trust your instinct and you have to become your child's advocate. If you think something is wrong then it probably is and you need to raise it. Hard at first but after a bit it becomes a lot easier.

Loads of good advice from some very sensible people on this thread (and I'm not including myself in that !) so I hopefully you now have a plan of action to move forward with in September and get to the stage where you make a decision that you feel happy about.

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 01/08/2008 10:41

I will definatly have to go and see some for myself. My state secondery was absoluitly awfull. I think deep down I'm terrified for Lucy. I couldn't have her being bullied like I was.
When I look at primary school websites, I can feel my heart beeting faster with the thought of sending her there. It must be psycological.

OP posts:
rebelmum1 · 01/08/2008 10:46

'polite and lady like' I would be concerned about this bit to be honest. Kids do still need to be kids, the school I'm sending dd to encourage climbing trees, they have underground dens, and do tons of activities. Play is much more valuable in learning than people realise, especially when children are so young.

rebelmum1 · 01/08/2008 10:47

Rather than just an academic record alone there are many others areas of intelligence which include creativity, social skills and physical skill and ability.

rebelmum1 · 01/08/2008 10:48

Is there another private school in your area?

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 01/08/2008 10:48

I think I will take Lucy with me to look at the state schools this time. I think that might help.

OP posts:
HonoriaGlossop · 01/08/2008 10:49

MLL, you need to do some work on seperating yourself and your DD in your mind.

Yes your dd has needs which make her more vulnerable possibly; BUT she is NOT YOU. There is nothing to say she will be bullied. You need to just look at what is in front of you when you visit, not 'colour' it with all these worries which stem from YOU not the reality of the situation!

TotalChaos · 01/08/2008 10:49

"She has asked my husband if he knows wether Lucy's speech is likely to improve etc by the time she is 5."

I think this is a crucial area for you to discuss with the head. As you have to see what the head says based on a pessimistic scenario - i.e. that she continues to have pronunciation problems - and whether she is asking this question for good reasons - because she wants to plan out future support Lucy might need - or for less good reasons - wondering how suitable the school is if Lucy continues to have speech problems.

HonoriaGlossop · 01/08/2008 10:51

Good idea to take her, but I think if you allow your worries and fearfullness to come out at all you will be poisoning her response to them....

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 01/08/2008 10:53

This school encourages outdoor persuits too. She goes for teddie bears picnicks in the woods, they have a climbing wall, loads of land. They encourage the children to be out in the fresh air whenever possible.
By lady like, I meen they are polite, smile back at you speek nicely and don't walk like yobs.
I'm going to take cover now !!

OP posts:
Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 01/08/2008 10:59

P.S I'm sure there are some very lady like girls in state schools too. They would probubly stick out though like I did.
I'll keep an open mind.

OP posts:
rebelmum1 · 01/08/2008 10:59

Maybe you're focussing too much on academic success, if I were you I'd just go direct to the head of the private school and ask what they will do for your child, find out what theire ethos is and whether you think this will enrich your child's development and enjoy her school.

ReallyTired · 01/08/2008 11:09

State schools often have fairly robust anti bullying policies. A school with a language unit would know what to do if a child got bullied about her speech, even if she is not in the language unit. It might also be good for Lucy's confidence not to be bottom of the class.

Girl schools can be very bitchy places and if you are odd in any way they can be completely mericless.

My son goes to a quite a rough state school. He never swears or uses bad language although I am sure he has heard it being used in the playground. Admitally as his hearing has improved his accent gone a bit to the wall. (He says dreadful thins like "Bettur")

As the summer holidays progres my son's accent becomes more middle class. Still I have jokes with my husband that we should send him to eloculation lessons.

TotalChaos · 01/08/2008 11:10

agree with reallytired. ds's state school is quite rough, but it's very small and caring and I have hardly ever heard swearing.

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 01/08/2008 11:16

That is funny because my Grandma in law is 89 and very posh and she has been telling people that Lucy is having elocution lessons. (she meens speech therapy)

OP posts:
seeker · 01/08/2008 11:21

Well, if you think that going to state school makes children "walk like yobs" then I'm leaving the thread!

Sorry - tried to help. I failed.

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 01/08/2008 11:28

Maybe it's just our area.

OP posts:
ReallyTired · 01/08/2008 11:32

mummyloveslucy,
The more you dig, the harder it will be to climb out.

A private school which is in the top 5% in the country achieves that by vicous selection. They don't tend to take on "high risk" children. If the school is as academic as you say you may find that you have no choice but to change Lucy's school.

Is it an option to move? Would you be prepared to drive to small country school?

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