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Original poster

Should I keep my daughter at her private school ??

152 replies

mummyloveslucy · 31/07/2008 16:29

I'm really not sure what to do about my daughters schooling. She is 3.5 and in a nursery linked to a private girls school that goes from 2-18 years. She really enjoys the nursery and we love the school. We had planned for her to stay there for the juniors at least and hopfully she would pass her 11+ and go to the grammer school.
She has a speech disorder and co-ordination difficulties, and we don't know wether she will later have difficulties in reading/ wrighting. The school she is at is very accademic and is in the top 5% in the country for exam results etc. I'm not sure now wether it is going to be the right environment for her. She would benefit from the small classes but is 1 teacher to 15 pupils the same as 1 teacher and 1 assistant to 30 pupils ?
I really want to do the right thing for her but I'm not sure what that is. She absoluitly loves music, so she might do very well in that area.
Would it be fair on her to take her out of the school she loves and put her in to a good state school? She is quite shy in large groups of people.
I know that is she didn't go to the private school then she could have music lessons etc.
What would you do ??

OP posts:
Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 01/08/2008 11:32

I'm talking more about secondery school age. At my old school you had to perfect the walk and talk to fit in.

OP posts:
rebelmum1 · 01/08/2008 11:33

I think you need to just look at the options around you and weigh it up. There are some awful behaviors from some schools but other schools can be quite different. Kids do learn from their peers and it is important. The only anti-bullying policy I condone I'm afraid is to hit back.

rebelmum1 · 01/08/2008 11:34

I used to have to dumb down at school too it was pretty grim.

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 01/08/2008 11:34

Definatly, I would be willing to drive any distance to get the right school for her.

OP posts:
rebelmum1 · 01/08/2008 11:37

have you looked online for other private schools in the area, at least if you have a look you can have something else to compare to.

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 01/08/2008 11:37

rebelmum1 You sound like my Dad. He was always trying to toughen me up.

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Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 01/08/2008 11:39

There are others but they are more expensive and are frankly not as good as the state schools (according to ofsted).

OP posts:
rebelmum1 · 01/08/2008 11:39

here

rebelmum1 · 01/08/2008 11:41

Honestly if you hit them back they leave you alone. I was bullied and eventually lost my temper and slammed a door in the bully's face, very hard indeed I thought I'd get into trouble with the teacher but of course she didn't tell anyone and left me alone after that. Result. My dp went had a tough time too and swears by hitting back and sorting it out yourself.

rebelmum1 · 01/08/2008 11:42

If you're prepared to move/drive you should look a bit broader.

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 01/08/2008 11:44

Good for you !! It's the only language they understand I think.

OP posts:
ReallyTired · 01/08/2008 11:46

What about catching a dose of religion to get a nicer state school?

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 01/08/2008 11:51

at "catching a dose of religion". She does go to church with her Grandma.

OP posts:
Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 01/08/2008 11:55

I'll have a look at all the options. It's anoying that it's the summer holidays so I can't do it now.

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Loriycs · 01/08/2008 11:59

there are 2 children at my sons school and they are both struggling socially as they and their peers get older. The school is very supportive with their education and they do get all the extra help. It looks as though they will be moving soon to a special needs school. One of their mothers is happy about that, the other feels that there is stigma attached and cant come to terms with it, which is a shame. Socially i guess it would be kinder for the children to be in an environment that they can cope with. Its not just about the education at the end of the day.My sSIL law works at the specil needs school and speaks very highly of it, they have excellent facilities to suit all needs. I dont know anything about private schools when it comes to special needs. Remember its not a decision that you have to make now as she's so young. If you can afford private, go for it and she how she gets on, otherwise you'll never know. If it doesnt suit, then consider other options. All the best.

LIZS · 01/08/2008 12:53

and what does your dh think ?

Quattrocento · 01/08/2008 13:02

Only read the OP and I confess I do not understand the problem

She goes to a school that she enjoys and you love it

You say that you are worried about whether or not it is the right environment and you hint that it might not be the right environment because it is a very academic school

Aren't you crossing a bridge before you need to?

My experience of very academic junior schools is that they gently weed children out who are going to have difficulty keeping up. You'll know if she can't keep up and you can move her then.

ReallyTired · 01/08/2008 13:12

Quattrocento,

If she waits for her daughter to be "weeded" out then Lucy might not get a place at the state school language unit. The older the child gets the harder it becomes for them to get a statement.

If Lucy got kicked out of the private school she would have to fail at a mainstream state school before getting place a language unit or a statement. Imagine what that would do for a little girl's confidence.

If she goes to the state school langauge unit and does well she can always be transfered to a mainstream state class within the school.

Chocolateteapot · 01/08/2008 13:21

DD's lovely SALT has just come round on a social basis with her new baby and it has just made me think.

She is very very clued up about the various schools and how they are with children with speech disorders. What about having a good chat with Lucy's SALT and asking her opinion ?

Quattrocento · 01/08/2008 13:36

Thanks Reallytired - should've read the whole thread

The OP did not mention that money was an issue and I see from later posts that it is. It's a ridiculously expensive thing to commit to and I wouldn't do it personally if it meant hardship for the family as a whole.

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 01/08/2008 19:00

My Husband wants her to stay at the private school. He said it would be cruel to move her as she enjoys it so much and gets indevidual help. He thinks she would just be one of many at a state school. He has said that if she needs extra help there then we will manage.
He has said that now she's been to that school, nothing can compare to it and she won't be as happy.

OP posts:
frogs · 01/08/2008 19:05

MLL, is the school SKS in T? If so I know people with kids there, who are almost cult-like in their adoration of the place! It isn't that academic actually, despite the v. good results, as particularly at 11+ they take a lot of girls who failed the grammar school entrance exams.

It has been v. nurturing for all my friend's 4 (!) girls, three of whom are still there albeit older than your dd. Having said that, as a convent school still largely run by the order that founded it it is a bit of a law unto itself, and I gather the running of the place can be somewhat idiosyncratic -- great if it works for you, not so great if it doesn't.

But they still love the school.

hth

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 01/08/2008 19:10

Thanks frogs, we absoluitly love it too. No one could possibly go there and say they don't like it. I'm glad to hear it's not too accademic as I thought it was due to high exam results.
Do you know if they have ever had any children with speech problems?

OP posts:
frogs · 01/08/2008 19:19

MLL, I gather they have high exam results as they have very small cohorts and teach them well -- up to GCSE, anyway. The wheels are apparently coming off the Sixth Form a bit, due to some poor management decisions in the past few years. But certainly none of my friend's dd's are particularly academic and all have been blissfully happy and very nurtured there.

I don't know about the special needs end of things, though -- the thing about small idiosyncratic schools is that when things are great, they are great, but if they can't deal with your child's needs, they may not have the resources or the specialist knowledge to deal with that. Plus might not have the insight to admit when they are over-demanded iyswim.

I would certainly look at the alternatives, just to get a feel for what else is on offer, then you can make a more informed decision.

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 01/08/2008 19:20

Oh and do you know what the 11+ pass rate is like?
The speech therapist has told us that she might end up having normal speech and no other problems. She says it's impossible to tell at the moment. So just in case. We are optemistic as she has so much determination and concentrates really well on her therapy. I just feel that if any child can overcome the condition, she can.

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