Would private school suit a quiet DD unhappy at state primary?

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i am debating whether to send my DD7 (only child) to private school and wondered if anyone had experience or thoughts on whether it might help a girl like her.

She goes to a small state primary which has decent results but all the normal problems (34 in her class, narrow focus on maths and English, a few in each class with severe behavioural issues). She doesn’t enjoy school and regularly says she doesn’t want to go, if asked why she’ll say it’s boring but I’ve observed that it’s knocked her confidence and she is really not herself there.

She is very confident outside of school and able verbally, everyone assumes she’s really smart but all her school reports say she is average across the board and very quiet. She doesn’t struggle socially. I just feel she is not living up to her potential, and of course want her to like school. Earlier at bedtime she said really forlornly, “I’ve just realised most of time is spent at school, and that is so depressing. It’s like being in prison.”!!!

I went to see a local private school and loved it, I told them about my daughter and they gave me several examples of quiet underperforming girls whose confidence they built when they arrived. Of course they would say this as they want my business! However it was a lovely place and I had a gut feeling my DD would feel happier there, I think simply having 20 kids rather than 34 in her class and the broader curriculum would be game changer.

We are not wealthy enough that we can do this without implications but do earn well. We have around £30k savings, £150k household income, but a large-ish mortgage on our house.

Would you do this if you were us?

The only people we know who send their kids private are people with proper generational wealth. We both went to state school, and are the first in our families to go to uni, so no grandparent contributions will be made!

All the teachers and admin staff I know get 50. Percent off at a variety of private schools near us (ranging from small preps to large independents).

somewhat apocryphally, I heard about a nhs paediatrician who applied for a job as a school nurse as the fee reduction for her four children equalled her NHS consultant salary.

i think a good private school sounds perfect for your daughter. Nb not all are good.

Check out the SEN intake of the schools carefully (if this info is freely available, I don’t know if it is) and maybe consider a selective school. Many private schools now are filled with children who couldn’t cope with mainstream/large class sizes and so go private instead. The behaviour is probably better managed at private schools but the standards may not be as high as you’d hope.

We did this for my sensitive DD who was unhappy in state, and the difference is astounding. She loves school now, counted the days to going back. There are 18 in the class and no disruptors. Even though it’s so expensive, I’m so glad we did it and the positive impact on her self esteem has been so lovely to see.

Ooh okay this is very interesting info, thank you. I would be surprised if this was the case in Cambridge as I’ve heard of a few (mild) SEN kids here having to join state because they’ve been asked to leave private school. Potentially more of an issue in areas where demand for private is lower?

This would be my hope. My daughter is also very sensitive. I am so pleased it’s worked out well for you!

I’m near you, and we were very impressed by St Mary’s despite initially being put off by the religious aspect. Do go and have a look, we particularly liked their head teacher. We also know several children who are very happy at Sancton Wood both in primary and secondary, plus some families who have chosen the Perse and their girls are thriving. It’s worth visiting as many as you can, they all have different vibes, one of which may appeal.

Thank you very much, that's really helpful. If I've learned anything in this thread it's to shop around!

Definitely do it x

My DDs go to private and it really depends on the school. We have a number of girls who are shy/awkward but really fit in because the class is lovely. Im a single parent with a lower income than your household but i make it work. I would say go see a few schools and see if its worth it.

I think it probably varies by school a lot, but we live in an affluent area (as Cambridge is) with quite a few little prep-type schools and it’s definitely the case here that, because parents can afford the fees, they’ll pay for the smaller classes if their kids can’t cope. Worth checking anyway!

I would definitely go ahead if you find a school you like though - they spend too much time in school to hate it!

If I was in your position I’d definitely do this. You could downsize if it became a struggle. If she’s performing well, you might get a scholarship for secondary which would help.
Don forget to add on trips etc. Uniform can be bought second hand.

Exactly! Every now and I think the next 11 years are going to be very long if we don't find her a place she likes or a way to enjoy it!

Thank you. At the moment her performing well seems like a pipe dream but you never know.

Or you can go back to state for secondary. You’ll have a very different child by then who might thrive in one of the local schools. But you can cross that bridge when you come to it.

Are you in grammar area?

could you do private now with view to do 11+ and move to grammar - better on the finances!

There seem to be quite a number of girls who come out of St Mary's with eating disorders, if the intake at Hills Road is anything to judge by.

We moved DC from state to private in year 5 and 3 because we realised that they were not being stretched at state and DD in year 5 wanted to take the 11+.

I wouldn't base not being able to get a scholarship on the state schools assessment. Per the state school both children were at the expected level in everything throughout their time there except for DS who achieved working above at the end of year 2 in maths. We went to the non selective private school where both were tested and given scholarships due to their scores. We found that the state didn't specifically provide work for the working above criteria so unless they showed the ability on their own they never got it. DS ability in maths was so high they couldn't ignore it (his score was in top 2% for his age across the country).

We have found both children have become so much happier moving to a school with smaller classes, where they split the class on ability depending on the lesson and the specialist teachers. DS especially has come out of his shell.