Daughter worried grandson will miss feeder secondary school after moving house

[Nanof1boyand1ontheway]

Hi all. Any advice please
daughter & grandson lived with us for 1st 7years, so grandson went to nearby primary school. In school year 3 daughter finally got housing association place after a long wait. But it's on other side of the City. She took it because of already waiting for 8yrs. She kept grandson in same primary because she worked over this side of city and we are here for childcare etc. She thought she would get him into the feeder secondary school when time came by using our address as she didn't change it with the primary school. However, he's now in year 5 & she's discovered that they do stricter checks than just council tax bill which she obviously used ours for primary school. The feeder secondary school is where friends will go but its not as good as the secondary school in catchment area where he lives now. She'd be lying in reverse lol like where others lie to get kids into better secondary school she's lying to get him into worse! I know people who sent their kids to different secondary school from friends & they all say their kids are doing fine. My daughter is worried sick and thinks the boy will be all alone at break & get bullied etc. I think he should go to the better school as its round the corner from her place, it's better in ranks than other school, and no lying involved. But she's getting too worked up about it. Sorry for not using abbreviations I'm new to this

If it's undersubscribed she might get it anyway, she should put it down first choice.

First of all, lying about where she lives is unacceptable and she could end up with a completely different school by doing this!
Both my DDs went to secondary schools alone in that none of their friends went too. They made friends very quickly, were not bullied, enjoyed their time there. I’m a firm believer of children going to the nearest school to where they live for lots of reasons! Cost of transport to school, meeting up with school friends locally, independence.

She shouldn't lie about this. It's not worth the risk. Give the correct address, but that doesn't stop her putting the school closer to you first if she wants to. It seems a bit crazy though! The other school is closer to her house and a better school, and at secondary school her son will want to have friends who live near him.

Being close to secondary school is so valuable. He can get himself there and have friends over easily. It's a better school! He'll make friends quickly, the school works to ease the transition.

I've just got my DD with SEN into a school on the other side of town (which we're now moving to) where she will know 1 other student in her year who she doesn't actually like and who won't be in any of her classes. Her SEN means she does struggle somewhat to make friends but the right place is so important!

Has she checked how they rank the criteria? There should be guidelines on the local government website. Being a feeder school might be quite high up. However, I know everyone will say the same thing but it really is true that he will make a new set of friends in secondary, so going for the better school is probably sensible. Please tell her not to lie, it’s not worth the stress.

Its not undersubscribed, its over! But they live 0.6 miles from there so no problem getting in! I'd see others lying to get kids in there as it's one of the best schools in the city.
The other school, the feeder high school isn't the greatest iv heard bad stuff and my niece has now taken her 2nd child out of his primary school (which feeds into same secondary as grandson current feeder school) and moved him to different primary so hel go to another secondary. I hope this makes sense.
My grandson is sociable he makes friends when we go on holiday and when he's at school holiday club which is not linked to his school he's just fine. I think my daughter is over thinking and over protective

She’s moved and it would be better for her ds to attend a more local school for his independence. Start him attending social activities there now so he builds different friendships. Depending on the priority admission policy and oversubscription criteria he may yet get a place at feeder school but that may not be in his best interest long term.

He should go to the closer better school. Lying to get your kid into a worse school because of friends is wild. They all make new friends anyway. So she’ll have the hassle of getting him there and by Oct he won’t be hanging out with his old friends

I don't want her to lie. But as I said shel be lying to get him in a worse school which is silly and nobody does that. All she can do is put nearest school to her home as 1st choice then put feeder school as 2nd.

Is she applying this year or next?

Because the best solution woukd be for him to move Primary now, have a chance to make local friends before local Secondary.

Lying to get him into a worse schoolmiles away makes no sense whatsoevsr

Is there an element of daughter hoping you will be able to help out more if the DS is at a school closer to you?

I agree with PP - there's no reason why the DS won't settle fine at at the closer school. Plus it's a better school and it will be easier for him to travel independently there and meet up with his friends outside of school.

Education education education… your daughter needs to re-think all this, he will be fine, he will make friends. He will be close to home - he needs to go the best possible school for the best possible education. If she lies she’ll get caught out. There is nothing to worry about, I also agree with PP get him into a local primary.

Yes shes signing him up to stuff in the area. She's the only person I know who wants their kid in a worse school! My friend actually sold her house & moved her the kids & husband in with her mum so her kids could go to school of choice. My daughter can't come back home that's not happening just because of school lol grandson will only be there for less than 5yrs (they finish in May in year 11 don't they?) And iv asked daughter what's she going to do when he goes to college etc put him in a bubble! I'm sure shel eventually see sense

Perhaps I'm misunderstanding but I think you've misunderstood this poster. She's saying if the worse school is undersubscribed he might get in anyway. I'm not sure why you go on in your next post to say she should put the feeder (worse) school as her second choice. If this is what she wants and it's not a popular school, she should put it as her first choice and he might get in if it's not popular locally. She could contact the admissions team and find out if it's been over or undersubscribed for the past few years.

Agree the whole thing is bonkers though and if there's a space she should move him to her local primary for Y6 and then he can go to the better secondary with some friends.

Next year for 2028 she doesn't really want to move his primary school because of some other stuff with his selfish father at the moment. And we live near the current primary school for pick ups and I don't drive so at the moment it works for us all.

No nothing like that. We help out now because primary school is 5 minutes away but the secondary school she wants him to go to with his friends is a bus ride for him & 2 buses for me as I don't drive. She totally wants him in feeder secondary for friendship reasons nothing else. She's convinced herself hel be alone & picked on in a different school which is ridiculous because he got attacked by another pupil a few months ago in year 4 of his primary school!

All of mine went to secondaries where they knew no one. Your grandson will more than likely be fine (more chance of things going well at the better school, in fact) and your daughter is definitely being overprotective. She's clearly been through a lot. Can you help her to relax about it?

Grandson can visit his primary friends when he comes to see you.

Both schools are oversubscribed because they are both in more affluent areas of the city. But the feeder secondary isn't great as iv said about my niece & her boy. Grandson will get into the better secondary school close to his home no problem as its half a mile away to walk. I'm sorry if I'm jumping the quotes but I'm new to this I can't follow it. I'm 56 and the school system has changed a great deal since my 2 were in school and even more so than when I went. I find it ludicrous that schools are over & under subscribed based on the economic status of a particular area of a city. When I was a kid you went to nearest school end of the area we lived as kids was a mix of people from all walks of life. Now that area of the city is run down and nobody wants their kids in schools there

No she should put her genuine first preference (the worse school) as her first choice - she might get it. Even if the worse school usually reaches capacity there's a chance she might get it. The closer school can be 2nd/3rd/whatever and they might end up being offered a place there, but only if the worse school gets completely filled with people who live closer.

If after places are allocated they are given the nearby (more popular) school then I guarantee there will be at least half a dozen families who have been given a place at the less popular school that your family wants but who desperately want the upgrade in the opposite direction and it should be possible to engineer a swap. If this is genuinely the right thing for your grandchildren then it will happen

However I don't think it will be the right thing. The commute will get annoying and the primary school friendships will lapse anyway. Very few friendships made in primary school persist through secondary, and making new friends at the closer secondary school will be far easier than overcoming all the disadvantages of a long daily journey to a worse school.

Both my children went to a secondary school that none of their friends went to because we moved house to deliberately put ourselves into catchment for an incredible secondary school.

What the school did, a member of staff visited them at their primary to introduce themselves and tell them about the additional things they put in place for children coming from primary schools outside their usual feeder schools.

There is always a day at secondary in July where all the primary school children spend a day with their new teacher in their new school, well there is in this area. It is then obvious from jumper colours and logos how many different schools feed into the secondary.

They also organised a morning at the secondary for all the children from non typical schools so they could see they weren't alone. They played games together to build some familiar faces and potential friendships.

Once they started secondary, a couple of weeks in they have a team building day where they deliberately separate primary group friendships to give children the possibility of making new friends.

After years of having to choose friendships from either a class of 30 or a year group of 30, 60 or potentially 90 lots of children relish new people to chat to. There are also lunch time clubs, after school clubs too to establish friendships outside of the form class.

Both my sons made friends really quickly. They are now young adults and are still friends with many of the original year 7 friendship groups. Your daughter is not thinking this through. If she lies about her address the school place can be withdrawn leaving her son with limited options of where a school place actually exists. As you seem to be looking into this, contact the school in her area and ask them about children coming from non-feeder primary schools and what they do to help them make friends. It is what a year 7 Head of Year does anyway.

Yes this is what iv told her. And if she starts preparing him over the next year or so he should be OK about it. One of his friends at primary is going to a different secondary school his mum has already decided. My grandson doesn't understand yet about how secondary school is allocated so he thinks he can go to same school as that friend. But anyway in at the deep end I say & character building

I wouldn’t be surprised if some of his friends’ parents aren’t going to try to get their kids into the better school. She’s being a bit naive to assume they’re all just going to go to the worse school. You could tell her that she’ll look a bit silly if she’s put to worse school down as first choice and some of his friends actually end up going to the better school. How big is the worse school? If it’s bigger than 100 per year then the year group will probably be split into two halves that never have lessons with each other. So you could point out that he may end up in the other half of the year to some of his friends and needing to make new ones anyway.

this is ridiculous. I don’t understand what you meant about her moving the other child already ? However for older one though she really must not lie. as everyone here said.

choose the school he can get to independently 5y is a long time
choose the better school

find someone who can talk to her about this as she’s clearly not listening to you

she’s needs to better understand the bigger picture for her son. Loads go to schools without primary friends and do fine. If he goes to school near you he will suffer later when he’s not near friends for social stuff.

you know all this though.

why is she she so anxious and have a low view of her child’s ability to make new friends? Is she very young ?

My daughter is too overprotective. Ironically she had a bad 1st few months at her secondary school because her friend from primary school stopped hanging around with her within a few days of starting year 7 and the other friend was constantly off sick. This was at the feeder secondary school so she knew other kids but was so attached to this girl she was left floundering for a while. Shes now still friends from new friends she made from other primary schools she's 28!

The best thing she can do now is go to the open day of their nearby school (likely in Sept) and ask questions about how they support children who come not knowing many children. Some schools will do extra sessions for those not knowing others or will think carefully about form groups to make ot easier to make friends.

It's a good opportunity to make new friends, and if he makes friends easily he should be fine.