When do we reject state school place?

[JadeVS72]

We have accepted a place for our DD at a local private school for secondary. She also has an offer for our 2nd choice, oversubscribed state school.
When would you turn down the state offer? I am paranoid if we do it too soon one of us will lose our job and we will want to scale back and do state 😆 we will be funding mostly from savings but if something unforseen happened we might need those savings! When do most people finalise their decision?

Yes, it's common and it's shit.

There are children on the waiting list for that state school place and parents getting stressed out and wasting money on school uniforms that won't be needed when they get that last minute call to say that they've got a place off the waiting list.

You're causing stress for those families who are waiting and the children involved won't get to attend their settling in day at the correct school.

Don't be dick - you've got the private school place so let someone else have the state school place.

I'm amazed at some of these posts!! The stress involved in waiting lists and appeals is immense ... decline your state school straight away when you've been offered a private school place, or otherwise don't even bother attempting the private school route.

My twins got their second choice (a few years ago) and were very upset that they were going to a different school to most of the others in their year. It took until June for both to be offered a place at their preferred choice, with a few weeks of them potentially being in different schools.

I'm just going to leave this here again!

Previous post not directed at the OP who has said she will nos reject the place, just other people who think it's not a big deal.

Private schools are also closing down at twice the normal rate just now, often with very little notice. Certainly less than 6 months.

Your friend's situation is very different @Hazlenuts2016 since the difficulty is that her DS doesn't have a place at all.

Her problem isn't that the place was released in the summer. That might have been stressful, but ultimately OK for her. Whereas a child giving up a place only to have their private school close would then unnecessarily be in exactly that unfortunate position your friend is in.

As I said, don't set yourself in fire to keep someone else warm.

Unless you're suggesting that someone should give up a place they would like to use, in order to benefit your friend's DS

“It's not at all selfish to keep a guarantee of the best state school”

It really fucking is selfish.

It reeks of privilege that the majority of the population don’t have - you can afford a private school but are hanging onto a place at a state school because you are entitled to it. In the meantime, some other family is going through a level of stress you cannot begin to imagine because you are blocking the place that could otherwise be given to their child. And as has been said by another poster, this will have a domino effect across multiple families. If causing this stress just because you are entitled to something you don’t intend to use is not selfish, I don’t know what is.

@strawberrybubblegummaking light of it doesn't make it right. If your child had no school place and someone you knew was keeping a place unnecessarily, would you not feel angry?

@strawberrybubblegumand are you suggesting people should take up private school places to keep those businesses afloat?

Wow how selfish! So glad the op isn’t.

@strawberrybubblegum letting go of a state school place that you are unlikely to need is hardly “setting yourself on fire”. It’s letting go of something with minimal value to yourself but huge value to someone else.

Your post is sheer selfishness.

When my DS started at his grammar school, there was one boy who never turned up, and when the school chased it turned out that they'd gone private but never bothered to reject the state place. Another boy left after two days as an alternative grammar school that they preferred had a space come up for the same reason! Now, his school is very, very over-subscribed and both places were filled within the week, but that's still two (or three if you count the one who changed grammar schools) kids who started at another school (with buying of uniform, transition sessions, starting to make friends etc) when they needn't have. So please don't be those people and reject the place (ideally before September!)

I turned ours down the week before term started.

Would you have gone State if you got your first choice of state? Because you might have bumped yourself out of the system entirely by now rejecting your second choice?
On the other hand, if you have savings to pay the fees entirely, then I think your DC will be OK! Most people who worry are those relying on income alone to pay fees.

I knew someone who held onto the state place for similar reasons to you and she never actually told them. They phoned up on the first day of school when dc didn't turn up and she let them know then. That's taking it much too far as someone else could have had the place who would by then have bought uniform for another school and had settling in days/childcare arrangements

Don’t! It doesn’t sound like you can afford the private school.
It’s not just the fees, eg my child is musical, lessons are £85 a time, per instrument.

Exactly the opposite.

It's turning down something which has a very high value to you (access to a good school place if circumstances change within 6 months)... but minimal value to someone else (early certainty about a school place. Not the school place itself - only early certainty of it).

My post isn't selfish at all. Yours is either unclear thinking or partisan.

Agreed, that's poor behaviour.

I think there's a reasonable point which is later than 6 months - which is easily long enough for bad things to happen which change plans - but still gives enough time for orientation, school uniform etc.

I do not understand why these threads always get so divisive.

There are some people in the population who are choosing between best state schools and can just about afford private schools. I reckon the OP is in that category. They wait and see what they are allocated and then how they feel having gone through the process and as it is so much money to spend, they are likely to feel some indecision. That does not make them morally reprehensible.
There also exist different types of family who have never visited a state school in their life, never would have sent their DC to a state school and never bother applying. They are those rich enough and ideologically welded to private education, often it is funded or part funded, by the wider family aka grandparents. State school never comes into the equation.

As my DC are in grammar schools, we know a fair few people who are in the category of would do best state schools but if we do not get it, will do private as a backup.

There are also some people who are multimillionaires who refuse to send their DC to private schools for ideological reasons, when they could easily afford it and often they are hogging the very best state school places. Nobody on MN ever seems to have a go at this category of parents which I find rather amusing.

Please reject your place once you have made your final decision so the place can be allocated to someone else whichever school you choose. One piece of advice though is that it will be very difficult to switch back to the state system later as you will have to take whatever place is available, if you have any doubts on your finances start your dd at state secondary perhaps consider topping up with tutoring from year 9, and maybe consider private 6th form or better still use the money to pay for her university tuition so she owes less. Your decision but pulling her out of private school is to be avoided if at all possible

I’m talking about 2 months - turning down at the start of summer - not 6 months.

The state school place has high monetary value if you needed it, of course. But if you don’t intend to use it, if it’s only a “just in case” your finances have an unexpected change between June and September (what are the chances of a change in those two months specifically??), then low value.

Partisan how? I’m not on any waiting lists and my children are privately educated. I wouldn’t dream of holding onto a state school place I have no intention of using.

How.many multimillionaires who are vocal advocates for state schooling do you actually routinely see on mumsnet? I would probably tell them not to hog a state schools place if they class themselves in that category.

It’s a nightmare for admissions when people leave it to the last minute

There are also some people who are multimillionaires who refuse to send their DC to private schools for ideological reasons, when they could easily afford it and often they are hogging the very best state school places. Nobody on MN ever seems to have a go at this category of parents which I find rather amusing

Why would that be hogging a school place? Are people who can afford taxis hogging public transport? What about economy plane seats? Or GP appointments?

We turned it down straight away as the school is oversubscribed. That way someone who does want the place can take it up.