My 16 year old just failed maths resit, and has ONE gcse. Talk me down from the ledge.

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He doesn’t seem even slightly bothered. He said he knew he was going to fail it again. He’s doing a level 2 course at college and the accepted him on the basis of 3s at GCSE but want 4 in maths and English for the level 3 course which starts in September. He has another shot at it in June but that will also be in conjunction with English.

What’s driving me insane is that he’s fresh out of fucks to give and wants to get a full time retail job. But of course there’s no chance of that at the moment without Maths and English. He’s not particularly committed to his college course.

What are some realistic options? He’s nicely spoken and well presented, but has ASD (bit PDA) and dyslexia and reckons he can’t remember “stuff” apart from gaming stuff.

Help. Help help.

There is the chance of a retail job still. I know a young lady who was in a similar situation who got into a well known chain when she was 18 and has now been promoted to assistant manager. Whilst I feel your anxiety about the situation something will always turn up. You must know deep down he isn't the only kid in this situation.

Unless he was only a few marks off in June and early resit was a bit of a punt. How far off was he?
Can you afford a private tutor?
Next year he may need to swap to a different level 2 course if he doesn't meet the level 3 progression criteria.

Functional skills English is more accessible, but the funding rules mean he won't get to do it at college if he got a 3 for the GCSE.

You don’t necessarily need maths and English for a retail job. He could start on the shop floor and work his way up.

I don’t know how far off he was this time and his college insisted that he resat in November. I’m driven insane by this. He’s had tutors, overseas bootcamp and more. I have thrown money at it. I swear he has a will to fail somehow.

Can’t find anyone at all who will take a 16 year old with one gcse.

What’s driving me insane is that he’s fresh out of fucks to give and wants to get a full time retail job

He doesn't want to fail again and believes he will, so he just wants to move on. To be engaged to study for another exam something needs to be different, can you afford tuition?

Yes but I don’t think he would engage, given how unengaged he has been so far. We had some spectacular rows about it.

Never say never, my friend has recently got a job at savers health and beauty, she doesn't have any gcse's and hadn't worked for around 8 years

Examples included - sleeping through the online tutor sessions, refusing to do the homework. Then he begged me to let him board mid week at his posh(ish) senior school and I did and that seemed to help, but then the week of his GCSEs he arbitrarily decided to not take his ADHD meds. I’ve spent around £25k so far. For all the good it’s done I may as well have spent it on fine wines and new teeth and tits for myself.

That’s great but this big lump can’t sit around for the next 8 years! I’m googling “Foreign Legion” as I hear they’re ok about qualifications apparently…

You can take a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. You have done your bit and provided learning opportunities. He is telling you he is not on the same page as you
option 1 keep doing the same and hope he changes his mind - unlikely as he is backed into a corner and not motivated
option 2 let him sink on his own and wash your hands - probably understandable but mean
option 3 hardest one- tell him to find the job, get it and do it. You will support him but you won’t carry him. If he can’t get a job he’ll need a plan b that’s legal and realistic. Let him work it out for himself.Let go of your dreams for him they aren’t his.

My ds works in retail and while he got a C in maths, he was never going to get that in English. He did functional skills L2 at college and that’s accepted as an equivalent level to GCSE pass (it’s not equivalent to a GCSE as it is narrower, but the level is the same). That’s been accepted by retail and hospitality- is that an option? Talk to the college maybe.

Rather than throwing money at the problem, if you want him to get a decent maths grade, you will have to sit down yourself and essentially do the GCSE with him.

It is not beyond him to get this GCSE. He is defiant and lazy and this behaviour is destructive and unacceptable. And I say that as the mum of an ASD teen. But you will have to invest your own time and literally do it with him all the way.

There’ll be a queue a mile long but there are gaming shops. Could he try one of those to start on the shop floor?
awful question, if he’s at home, does he just game all the time? Can you shut the router off?

Let him go apply for jobs. Either he gets one, which is great, or he fails and sees that he needs the qualifications and goes back to college. Even if he doesn't end up on the Level 3 course he can do the level 2 and try again for the level 3 a year later.

Just make it clear that he has to be doing something, whether that's full time work, eduction, or job searching. As long as he's not sitting around all day you'll support him.

I wasn't suggesting he sit around for 8 years I mentioned it to show it didn't matter to them that she hadn't had any work experience for the last 8 years

If you do decide to give tuition another go, make sure it's in person and ideally with a tutor used to working with students with ADHD so that they understand how to adapt their teaching methods. (Edited to add you've probably already done this so ignore if so!)

But to be honest, it might not be a bad idea to let him leave formal education for and attempt to make his own way. There are plenty of access courses for adults who want to return to education later in order to get the essential qualifications they need, sometimes teenagers just need to do things differently.

Does he have any creative interests? Because if so, if he does just give up on qualifications for now, you could enrol him in a course for those (eg photography) if he's likely to do well. He needs some wins to build confidence.

My daughter had slow processing ( plus severe anxiety, depression and a chronic painful health condition that gives her fatigue on top of other painful symptoms.

We always knew maths GCSE was going to be a struggle for her. She did a functional skills maths course in addition to maths GCSE to give her two chances. Is that an option?

My DD had quite a bit of tutoring and finally we also found a local sixth former who was doing maths A level and he really helped build her confidence by doing past papers with her. She got better and better at recognising the questions and knowing what to do. He seemed to get through to her where others couldn't.

It really is a case of practise practise practise . She had set times that we sat down with her to do past papers in addition to the time she spent doing them with tutors.

She could not be left to get on with it - she was very much spoon fed as left to her own devices she would just sleep all day.

She passed GCSE with a level 4 and also passed FS maths.

We always told her that if she could just get this pass she will never have to worry about a maths test ever again.

I wish you luck - it's such a worry.

The forces would take him I'm sure, not on officer track, but they'd also encourage & sponsor qualifications, might be just the right environment for him

My daughter is in year 11 so not taken her GCSE’s yet and works at The Food Warehouse. (I’d rather she concentrate on her studies but that’s a post for another day) She’s on £11.20 an hour so well above min wage for her age.

Daft question probably, but is he doing Foundation level?

I used to teach autistic students at secondary school.

most of them did not get their maths or their English gcse. Many of them were able to get jobs.

McDonald’s, sports coaching, hairdressing, etc.

I'm not convinced you need a maths GCSE to work in a supermarket. I've worked in one fairly recently and I haven't got one, although I do have other GCSEs. No one asked about it, they just want someone who will turn up, do the work they want and be friendly and polite. Some people like shop floor work because they get to move around all day. Getting into management is an option later on, anyone can apply for the management training.

What about something more practical? We get a lot of work experience college students on our farm. They are often retaking maths and English and the tutors work hard to get them through. Once they’re doing a job they like and can see why they need the maths (to work our feed rations for example) it makes them care a lot more.

He can join the Navy and do his qualifications through them?