Are detentions compulsory?

[greengreytrue]

DS13 is getting a lot of detentions due to behaviours that we are working on.

Some of these are for such petty reasons that I’m inclined to say he won’t be attending e.g. shirt had come untucked twice.

Where do we stand?

I imagine that when you agreed to your son having a place at the school, you agreed to the code of conduct, behaviour policy, rewards and sanctions that the school uses.

Whilst I agree some detentions are for petty things, I don’t think you can decide which ones you do/don’t agree with. Lots of schools are strict on uniforms, it will all be in their behaviour policy. At DCs school if you skip a detention it then becomes a longer detention and will keep escalating.

Within in the rules of the school I would imagine they are compulsory, yes. What would be the value if they weren't?

They're not legally enforceable. You won't go to prison if he doesn't go.

A better approach would probably be to address the issues though. What's wrong with his shirt/trousers/motor skills that means his shirt keep coming untucked? There is a reason this is happening. Solve that. Energy far better spent.

Why not tell him that having or not having a detention is within his control. If he doesn’t want one then tuck his shirt in otherwise suck it up. You’re not doing him any favours by giving him the message that rules don’t count

And I doubt the shirt had become untucked. He pulled it out.

In a nutshell, yes, school detentions are mandatory.

I'd be looking very closely at what these detentions are for as it may be related to undiagnosed barriers and unmet support needs.

Engage with the school formally. If you think that there is a chance of the above then make this super clear to them and ask for supportm

Going through this right now with our forth with ASC but have made it super clear that we if we see any discrimination then it comes with consequence. We were seeing this and let's just say it's stopped instantly.

You e mentioned the things you regard as petty, such as his shirt being untucked, but you also said that other detentions are for behaviours that you’re working on. Are those the sort of behaviours likely to be more disruptive in general and therefore attract sanctions.

No they are not compulsory. We informed the school ds would not be doing any that we didn’t agree were necessary due to a whole range of ridiculous rules.

Way to go in letting your child rule the roost. When you go to a school you agree to the rules. If you don't like the rules, go elsewhere.

I tuck my shirt or t shirt in every day and unless I untuck it, it remains tucked in.

Both my dc untuck their shirts. If they got a detention for getting caught with it untucked then so be it.

yeah you can see why kid has behaviour problems.

Well, they aren’t if you turn around to the school and say he isn’t going, they can’t really enforce it.

But, that’s just sending a crap message to your child. I’d be making sure he did them and also be telling him to bloody well behave, or the consequences will be coming home too.

If the rules are ridiculous then why would you follow them ? Have you any idea what some UK secondary schools are like?
Just a few of the rules I disagree with are :
-Detention if you wear the school top with a jacket and no jumper in between (so on warm but rainy days you have to be too hot) they tried a lot to give ds detention for this he just came home each time and ignored it.

-Detention if you don’t achieve a certain time in the cross country (which is laps of the school field) ds has hypermobility of course he won’t always get the required time - again we refused detention for that.

-being late to class. Ds was late to a lesson on one occasion because on his way another pupil fainted and he stopped to help. We were told ‘it’s good that he helped but he was still late to class regardless so has a detention’ again he just came home instead of attending it.

That’s just 3 examples there are many more. It’s ridiculous

Here is the thing.

When I was a teacher I didn't care whether your DC turned up to the detention.
Not because I didn't want them to or thought that it wouldn't benefit them, but because I could push it up the ladder for the management to deal with.

But you can always tell which kids knew how to work the system.
miss a couple of 30 minute detentions for a one hour on a Friday.
and when they had so many that the school could no longer fit them in they were written off.

Poor parenting and bad school management, the bane of a teacher's life.

The school doesn’t need parental permission to issue detentions and non-attendance can be met with escalating sanctions whether you’ve said he doesn’t have to attend or not.

Parents used to be able to object/veto detentions at one point, but my understanding that was changed, perhaps during the period Michael Gove was Education Secretary.

Little sympathy if rules were clear right from the outset, such as in the school prospectus. Even less if you voted Tory or did not vote over the last few years.

What kind of message are you sending your DS if you allow him to pick and choose which forms of discipline he's prepared to accept? To use a phrase beloved of my mother, you're making a rod for your own back. One of the myriad reasons for teachers leaving the profession is parents like you, who rather than see themselves as in partnership with school, side with their DC against the school.

I would think it excessive if my DD got a detention for having her shirt untucked or wearing / not wearing a jumper. However, it's within the school rules and I'd expect her to attend anyway. She can quite easily avoid another one by following the simple rules like the hundreds of other students in the school. Thinking of herself as being above such petty things would create bad feeling between her and the teachers and I'd rather they had a good working relationship to help her succeed at school. My only concession to the fact that I think the detention is for a 'silly' reason would be that unless it becomes a recurring issue I wouldn't follow it with further punishment at home the way I would if it was for swearing at or otherwise being rude to a teacher etc.

It doesn't matter if you deem the rules as ridiculous or not, they are the rules of the school and should be abided by.
What are you teaching your child? That they only have to stick to rules they agree with in life?!

Don't blame the rules just learn from them? Schools don't just sit around making rules up for fun 🙄

Parental permission is no longer required.

in practice what most schools do is that there is an escalating series of sanctions.

if detention not attended then longer/after school detention set.

sone schools do a “heads” detention that the HT has on a Friday after school for max inconvenience.

if your child refuses to attend detentions then it’s usually a day in isolation for failing to attend detentions.

the only way out of that is not attending school which means fines.

caveat, if the detention can’t be done due to dentist appt or no safe transport home most schools will accept lunchtime detentions up to a point.

This. You chose that school for your child, so you chose their rules and expectations. Support the school. Tell your child to leave his shirt tucked it and behave himself.

😂😂😂😂

If the rules are so ridiculous that you believe your precious shouldn’t follow them why is he still at that school? Maybe just opt out of school completely and free school him?

I work in a school and feel that the rules have to be adhered to. If detentions are issued then arguing against outstanding ones will look like you are working against the school. I would take it and look at why these things are happening or potentially escalating. Can't imagine it was only an untucked shirt. It was likely the the shirt was untucked and he was asked to tuck it in, to which the response wasn't to standard.

That is what usually happens.

This is not helpful behaviour.

Your child will struggle with workplaces when older because you have told them that they don't need to follow the rules.

It would have been mpre helpful to work out the cause of the problem than to avoid following rules.