Are detentions compulsory?

[greengreytrue]

DS13 is getting a lot of detentions due to behaviours that we are working on.

Some of these are for such petty reasons that I’m inclined to say he won’t be attending e.g. shirt had come untucked twice.

Where do we stand?

Of course they are. Who would attend one by choice?! No punishment or disciplinary measure in school, work or society issued by an authority figure is ever optional. That's kind of the point.

You can't hold a gun to his head to make him go but condoning or actively providing excuses for him not to take his punishment is not being supportive. It's detrimental to his development for his mum to imply rules don't apply to him.

Seems like ds school does.

If he got a detention for something like rudeness , lateness for no reason , fighting , bullying , not doing homework etc of course he would attend the detention. For ridiculous pointless rules he doesn’t . It’s also very telling that when he doesn’t attend they don’t follow up at all.

You agree to the rules of the school when you send your child there.
It’s not actually that hard to follow the rules and avoid detentions.

Repeated detentions is often a sign of something else going on. I would expect school to realise this and have reached out to you to offer support by now.

As they haven’t then reach out to them.

My daughter is out of school now but while she was there they attempted to give her 2 detentions. On both occasions after I spoke to her head of year and they investigated the detention was cancelled as they were due to a misunderstanding because of her communication and people pleasing issues (she’s high masking autistic).

I'm a teacher, but it does irritate me when people say "but you chose that school". Largely, parents have to send their dc to the catchment school. Or if they do have a choice, it's between schools who all have a similar uniform/mobile phone/jewellery policy. There's very little genuine choice.

That said, I do agree that parents who actively undermine the school are doing their dc no favours. If certain parents spent as much time encouraging their kids to settle down and focus, as they do arguing about every negative behaviour point or detention, their children's education would be much better for it! Everyone is aware of their rights but few are aware of their responsibilities. I waste a lot of time dealing with behaviour at the expense of teaching time - it isn't fair to those kids who work hard and want to do well.

My eldest is starting secondary next year so no experience of this (I assume primary school policies will be very different!)

Genuinely, what happens if you don’t sign these policy agreements? Do they deny you the place and then the LA sends you to a different school with probably the same policies?

DS’s secondary is very strict and apparently it works incredibly well as the rules and consequences are crystal clear. But I honestly can’t imagine taking seriously a detention for removing a blazer without permission.

My son used to bowl (pretend/cricket) and get into trouble for untucked shirts. He was just bowling so not trying to be cool. I found extra long shirts in m&s. Game changer.

Our school rules say that refusal to attend can result in expulsion but it sounds like he is heading the way anyway if he is getting multiple detentions.

Shirt 'had come untucked'
Just like skirts accidentally roll themselves up, I assume.
I'm no fan of super-draconian school rules, or petty uniform rules, but it's not actually difficult to keep your shirt tucked in fgs. Of course he's going to tell you that it had come untucked!

So basically, you're saying that the detention is nonsense but it is also nonsense as they don't follow it up. You sound like an attention seeker or looking for a row. Not helpful tk child development at all.

To the contrary ds is well behaved and studies hard and has no issues with other children. I value good behaviour and hard work at school. He know though that rules are only worth something when there is a clear reason for them and the school
keep having these ‘behaviour resets’ where they change the boundaries and they come up with rules so strict about the most pointless ridiculous things. He needs to be able to stick up for himself which he does well. He explains why he won’t be attending a detention given - the fact they don’t follow up says to me they know they haven’t got a leg to stand on. They can’t punish a child for wearing weather appropriate clothing , being kind to another student who collapsed or not being a certain time in a sport !

I can imagine why they don't bother arguing with you.

I don't believe what you have written as it all seems too simple. I work with teens and know it isn't as simple as you have written. You can say what you like. I don't believe it

Not necessarily because work is nothing like school. My son struggled at school but when he got a weekend job whilst at college he thrived there. Because you know what they treated him like the young teen and adult he was becoming. His opinion mattered he had a voice he wasnt shut down and he wasnt challenged because of his haircut or the colour of his socks.

I agree with others. Support the school and continue working on the behaviours until the detentions are no longer necessary.

Tell your kid to stop mucking about with their skirt and you need to support the school

That wouldn't work in many schools as they'd just escalate to longer detentions/isolation/suspension.

Detentions are not compulsory; they are contingent on your offspring misbehaving in school.

You are the parent. Raise him better.

My DDs would not have attended for the misdemeanours you describe @Coffeefirstthen - absolutely not. If parents don’t demonstrate that there are incorrect decisions, such poor behaviour by staff will continue. In the light of trying to deal with automaton teachers, I would leave. How can you have faith in a school like this?

I’ve found dc value fairness. Punishing for the sake of it, without taking anything else into account, and for petty reasons, is not fair. So many parents are so gullible. Many parents don’t have a choice of school either. Teaching dc to evaluate what’s fair and what’s unnecessarily draconian is a huge lesson in life. Employers want you to work well. Often hours are flexible, clothes are flexible and employees would never be punished for helping an ill colleague! Many young people view fairness as being close to Godliness! They are correct.

Detention if you don’t achieve a certain time in the cross country (which is laps of the school field) ds has hypermobility of course he won’t always get the required time

This is discrimination on the basis of disability. In your position, I'd be making a formal complaint.

Nice to know you'd have been going along enthusiastically with everything suggested in Nazi Germany.

Or is authority perhaps not always correct?

To not have an untucked shirt?

Why do you think a school must be right about everything?

What do you mean you’re ’working on’ the behaviours? How can you be ‘working on’ his shirt being tucked in? It’s either tucked in or it isn’t.

If he knows you and the school are divided in your approach, good luck to you.

You do realise that the vast majority of kids don’t get detentions don’t you?
Teachers really and truly do not want to give up their precious time supervising detentions.
if you pick and chose which he does I can guarantee that things will get worse. Back the school up even if you think it’s petty. Whilst he is in school he is under their rules and regulations.

An untucked shirt is, put simply, in violation of school rules. The school also stipulates consequences for such violations.

Ergo, the school is right and the boy wrong. Little Johnny should tuck his shirt in and take his licks.

And then get on with his day.

We need a ‘Stupidest Post of the Week’ award.

Yeah, the instruction to tuck your shirt in is definitely similar to the Nazis. Definitely.