Deferring a May born child

[Kingfisher4]

I have a daughter born 29th May. She is currently 3, due to start school next year.

I am currently thinking about deferring her, but only if she is able to start in reception the following year.

Would most people think that is crazy? She is not developmentally behind as such, although she is not fully toilet trained yet. I have been trying for months, but she still has more than one accident a day.

My reasoning is more based on how I feel about the education system in general. I don't mind reception as it's still very play based, but I hate the idea of 5 year olds going into key stage 1 and starting formal education so young. I have 3 older sons, none of them summer born, so have never been able to make this decision.

So hold her in another setting and have her join in Year 1 at the normal age?
Basically "skip" reception.

I don’t understand why you’d want to. Reception is not a huge leap from nursery. I have a May child and a late July child. It never occurred to me to hold either back and they had no issues - the May child is at Durham uni now and the thought of her going through school a year older than most is just weird. She would have been bored out of her mind.
I don’t see why your other kids being ND should affect how you treat her - school and its structure may help even if you think she is too (you won’t know til she goes).

Maybe I'm missing something, but as I understand it, she will still be entitled to free funded nursery hours.

As for sports, the only experience I have is boys football teams. They go by age in years, so under 9's under 10's etc. It may mean she would have to join a team that corresponds to children in the above academic year, but she would still be able to join a team?

I deferred my end of June born dd. I have absolutely no regrets. I don't understand the mn negativity around deferring a year. It gave my dd an extra to develop her confidence which has helped her at school socially. She didn't skip reception, which I think was the right thing for her.

If you feel deferring would benefit your dc, then do it.

But her friends and co-hort will be with her as she will have started with them and they then become her peers.

I can see both sides to this. It wouldn't be allowed if it wasn't needed in some circumstances. However I do think when your child is 19 and still in school education they might be less keen then.

I think it is utter madness to defer a May born child and IMO you should only be able to defer for July / August children . Wherever the cut off is in the year for school there will always be older and younger children but allowing people to defer just makes this gap wider and wider .

A lot of the research talks about disadvantages and benefits. Focusing only on the disadvantages, especially if your daughter is developmentally on track, is loading the question.

If you start off with low rather that reasonable expectations it will do nothing for her ability to develop as a rounded assured individual. Yes be mindful of the potential challenges, but these are only things that might happen. Also be mindful of your own flaws and how that might affect your parenting. It's ok to want to do the best by your children but don't make their world smaller than it needs to be just so you can operate in an overly protective comfort zone.

It’s your choice but from experience I wouldn’t defer. Talking as a parent of a child born 31/08 who started school 3 days after turning 4

I sit on the LA panel for Community and Voluntary Controlled schools for deferred admission . The question that we have to consider is that once a child is of statutory school age and required to attend school will it be better for them to join Year 1 or Reception. And even though I might disagree with the decision of the parent to defer , the reception year is so beneficial in terms of introducing phonics and numeracy that missing it will make the first few years of primary school much harder. We do make parents aware that if they move to a different LA or at secondary level then their child might have to join their age cohort. That the place at their preferred school might not be available. And if they want to apply for grammar schools that they should seek advice about out of cohort admission. But we do agree them.
The majority are for July or August born many with additional needs but not yet diagnosed. A lot of these children go on to get an EHCP. The ones that are April to June births either are premature births with additional needs or tend to come from the more affluent areas of the city.

The problem is being the youngest in the class. So all you’re doing is making the problem worse and making it even worse for an August born kid 16 months younger than yours.

but also, all the benefits are front loaded. I’m sure it possibly is nicer to be top of the heap in reception. Absolutely shit at the other end of school when you’re desperate to get out travelling and working when you’re 18, but you’ve still got a year of school to do because your elbows out parents wanted to use other less privileged children to make you feel better at school in a year which you can’t even remember.

Yes, that’s right. In any sports, including school sports, she will have to play with her actual cohort, so the year ‘above’ her. So for example, she wouldn’t be allowed to play in the primary schools year 6 team as shes actually year 7.

Yes, I'd think it was crazy but I have a July and mid August born.
Both mine started after their 4th birthday and although you could tell they were younger socially, academically they were okay.
Both couldn't wait to leave school, had they still been there at 17 because I'd held them back a year, they would have been massively resentful.

OP - you’ve stated you don’t believe under 5’s should be in formal education. You’ve also mentioned your own experiences as a child which sound like they’ve contributed to you taking this position. If that’s your stance then just defer her 🤷🏾‍♀️

FWIW you’re the first person I’ve heard of considering May deferral. I was born 30 May and wasn’t deferred, no issues at all, excelled at school throughout. My DD was born on August 31 and we didn’t defer her. She was the youngest in her entire school at one point (140 students) and is always the youngest in her class. She settled faster, made more friends and consistently performs better academically and with sports than her sibling with a March birthday.

Same here - born 31/08 and started 2 days later! Very glad I didn’t defer.

It’s crazy. No need.

OP can't revisit it, as she'll need to apply in the next couple of months (I have just received the letter to apply for DS who's 3).

Personally I wouldn't defer, children change massively in a year. DS1 is autistic and has a delay of about 18 months, but still had to start with his correct cohort as he's an October birthday. He only potty trained at 4 and was non verbal until 3, but is doing better than anyone expected at school. If your DD does have SEN then that's not going to change in a year, and (wrongly or rightly) allowances are made for the youngest in the year. I would consider how much it will affect her at high school, when the social aspects kick in.

I agree, 5 seems so young to be expected to sit quietly and work, rather than learn through play.
But you don’t have to send them until the term after they turn 5 which would be the September of year one.
I wish they all just started reception a bit later or the curriculum as more okay based for longer.
unfortunately that isn’t the case and i expect school will just put them straight into year one which would be more of a shock to her. Even if they allowed her to go into reception she would then be quite significantly older than a lot of the the other children and I think it would be noticeable to her.

In my area they refuse most deferrals to reception unless there is really good cause, eg an August born preemie with developmental delays. You can find out your own areas policy on this and the schools policy.

Nobody to go to 16+events with? Or go to the pub with while she waits a year for her classmates?

FWIW you’re the first person I’ve heard of considering May deferral. I was born 30 May and wasn’t deferred, no issues at all, excelled at school throughout.

lots of people saying stuff like this. But the statistics don’t support you. Of course children can thrive even if they are summer born, but statistically, children older in the year do better socially, academically and in sports. It’s not crazy for a loving parent to at least think about this before just signing her child up to school, even if she ultimately decides to just work within the system she has and enrol her child at school.

''I get that many 4 year olds do cope really well. I was August born. I guess I coped ok, but it took a very long time to catch up socially and academically, and I carry those scars of being made to feel stupid and somehow inadequate for most of my life.''

But your daughter is not an August child, she is born in May, which isn't particularly young for her age group.

I think you’d be doing her a dis-service tbh. At least let her try with her peers. Here, she’d have to go straight into year one if you deferred and that would be a much harder transition. Also though, even if she can start reception where you are, why , at the age of 3, would you make a decision that for her whole life means she essentially a year behind where she should be?

I don’t think it’s right you can defer a child born in May, because it means they are likely to be better socially, physically and academically than their now much younger peers.

And this is at the further expense of the genuinely youngest children in the year, who might now be 15 months younger than their classmate.

@MidnightPatrol
But that’s the system, so op is right to at least consider what’s best for her child, rather than
the winter borns who would ordinarily have been the older ‘better’ ones and now aren’t
or hypothetical August born children who may or may not be in her DDs class.

i don’t think it’s a fair system for anyone fwiw

Just want to add, my May born child ended up needing an extra year in sixth form due to wanting to change subjects, so he was 19 when he left. Have you thought about what might happen if an already deferred child needs to do that and so is still in secondary school age 20?

Holding a May child back would be really odd. It's not that young. A quarter of the year will be younger than her. And do they not go straight into Y1 if you defer?