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Original poster

Deferring a May born child

223 replies

Kingfisher4 · 03/10/2025 18:48

I have a daughter born 29th May. She is currently 3, due to start school next year.

I am currently thinking about deferring her, but only if she is able to start in reception the following year.

Would most people think that is crazy? She is not developmentally behind as such, although she is not fully toilet trained yet. I have been trying for months, but she still has more than one accident a day.

My reasoning is more based on how I feel about the education system in general. I don't mind reception as it's still very play based, but I hate the idea of 5 year olds going into key stage 1 and starting formal education so young. I have 3 older sons, none of them summer born, so have never been able to make this decision.

OP posts:
AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 03/10/2025 18:50

I’m pretty sure you can’t hold them back a year in England or Wales. May isn’t considered particularly young.

Readyforslippers · 03/10/2025 18:52

How is she socially etc? Dd was desperate to go to school, it would've been wrong of me to hold her back.

Readyforslippers · 03/10/2025 18:52

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 03/10/2025 18:50

I’m pretty sure you can’t hold them back a year in England or Wales. May isn’t considered particularly young.

You can, May counts as summer born for deferral purposes.

TheNightingalesStarling · 03/10/2025 18:53

You need to look at the council policy. Some is an automatic yes, some you need to apply now and ask for a deferral, some don't really like it.

Buxusmortus · 03/10/2025 18:55

May born isn't particularly young in the year. This wasn't a thing when my children were young and they were both born at the end of June. One of my son's friends was born on 31August. They all coped absolutely fine. In all school years there are children who are nearly a year older than others, but within each cohort there's a huge variation in maturity anyway irrespective of some being older than others.

3pears · 03/10/2025 19:03

Do you think she might feel a bit of an odd one out being so much older than the rest of the deferred school year? It’s a bit different for an August child whose birthday could be days away from a September child but a may one would be months older. And possibly 15 months older than some children in the class. That’s quite a difference. It’s not just academic ability but also the difference in social, physical and emotional development too - she will likely be much further along than her peers

Original poster
Kingfisher4 · 03/10/2025 19:04

She is a sociable little girl, but I would say she is slightly on the younger/ less developed side. Nothing that would actually count as a developmental delay, however. I think part of my reasoning is that all 3 of my boys have neurodivergance, and I suspect she may have some issues, but it is not as obvious.

I don't know what my local authority's stance is, or the school I intend to send her too. It seems that the only way to find out would be to fill in the paperwork forms requesting admission out of normal age group, but I want to be sure first.

OP posts:
CarpetKnees · 03/10/2025 19:22

Would most people think that is crazy?

Well I would (think you are crazy).

Unless your child already has a significant learning delay, it seems a really bizarre thing to me, to try to make them as different from their peers, as you are able.
Firstly, she will be so very different in a year's time, and secondly, this will be until she is 19. Just why would you want to do that to her ?

Pennyhillxxx · 03/10/2025 19:28

CarpetKnees · 03/10/2025 19:22

Would most people think that is crazy?

Well I would (think you are crazy).

Unless your child already has a significant learning delay, it seems a really bizarre thing to me, to try to make them as different from their peers, as you are able.
Firstly, she will be so very different in a year's time, and secondly, this will be until she is 19. Just why would you want to do that to her ?

This 👆My three children all born at different times of the year and absolutely no difference as to how they settled in at school.
Son has 2 friends both born 30th August. Both boys were fine at primary and have done extremely well at secondary/ university.
Only negative that my July born son had ,was that his friends were served in pubs before him .

Linenpickle · 03/10/2025 19:34

She will be fine. Just let her start school at the normal time. She’s a May birthday, not like she’s August for example.

westcott · 03/10/2025 19:34

you don’t really have a clear reason for doing this. Why would you do this? You have plenty of time for potty training.

ChocHotolate · 03/10/2025 19:41

She will be up to 15 months older than some of her contemporaries if she starts in reception.

BendingSpoons · 03/10/2025 19:43

I wouldn't do this. I understand your reasoning (an extra year of play) but she would end up significantly older than some kids in the class and be constantly explaining that.

Original poster
Kingfisher4 · 03/10/2025 19:54

My main reasoning is that ultimately I don't believe that 5 year olds should be in formal education. I don't think a child will be damaged from having an extra year to play, but I do think they can be damaged by being pressured to do things they are not developmentally ready for.

However, I realise there is a social aspect to this, and that is really what I'm trying to decide. Would the social aspect of being up to 15 months older than some of her peers be more or less damaging than being made to start education too young.

I get that many 4 year olds do cope really well. I was August born. I guess I coped ok, but it took a very long time to catch up socially and academically, and I carry those scars of being made to feel stupid and somehow inadequate for most of my life.

OP posts:
BingBongBoo86 · 03/10/2025 20:00

Join the Facebook group - Flexible School Admissions for Summerborns. There’s examples of parents who have delayed their May born. You’ll also be able to search your LA to see how easy the process will be for you.

I delayed my July born daughter. It was a tough decision but absolutely right for her.

Handeyethingyowl · 03/10/2025 20:01

You can defer a May born child in some councils. I have done it with an August child. I knew I was doing the right thing. Only you know your own child. What I would say though is that girls often (not always) want to start school sooner than boys. Girls also mature a lot quicker in year 6 onwards than boys (generally). And my son got a bit bored by the end of primary. Also, my April born daughter was hopeless at potty training due to constipation but we sent her because we had to at that time, and she was fine. Between 3-4 is quite a leap.

ThingsgetbetterwithalittlebitofRazzmatazz · 03/10/2025 20:02

My May born child is currently in year 11. She's always seemed young for her year and is less emotionally mature than her sister (winter birthday) was at this point in year 11. Would definitely benefit from having another year to mature before exams and making decisions about what comes next, so in your place i would definitely give it some serious consideration.

justasmalltownmum · 03/10/2025 20:04

Our Lea would not consider this.

TheNightingalesStarling · 03/10/2025 20:07

One thing to be aware of is they can choose (and you can't stop them) to leave school at the end of Yr10 if you defer, as they will be 16.
They will also be 12 leaving Primary, 17 doing GCSEs, and 19 doing A levels. So they may find they "outgrow" settings.

But the main thing to remember is you don't have a crystal ball and you will never know how things will turn out if you made the opposite decision.

ItIsReallyFine · 03/10/2025 20:08

My son is May born and I should have deferred him. I didn't and it was a mistake. We've just moved back a year, in year 10. It's so much better. Should have done it years ago.

booklover164 · 03/10/2025 20:10

May isn’t particularly young in the year. We didn’t hold my late August boy back and I am SO pleased. We know someone who held their July baby back and I think it’s a mistake. I think being so significantly older than your year group is odd and imagine having to explain that at every birthday party etc. I would worry the impact it would have on her self esteem- my parents held me back because I wasn’t ( insert here) enough.

Enquire at your local primary but I know a lot of schools that still do continuous provision up until year 2 so if it’s the lack of play that is a concern for you then that might help.

Namechangerage · 03/10/2025 20:10

So my August born is potentially now with kids aged 1 year and 4 months older because parents can defer a child born in May?!

unless there is some background such as preemie or other needs I think this is unfair. I couldn’t afford to defer my August born.

dontcomeatme · 03/10/2025 20:12

I am currently thinking about deferring her, but only if she is able to start in reception the following year.

Okay I'm really confused? Doesn't this just mean she misses nursery and starts reception as normal with her actual year group?
If yes, they don't need to legally start school until they're 5, year 1. So why not just keep her home until she's 5 if that's what you want x

TheNightingalesStarling · 03/10/2025 20:13

Namechangerage · 03/10/2025 20:10

So my August born is potentially now with kids aged 1 year and 4 months older because parents can defer a child born in May?!

unless there is some background such as preemie or other needs I think this is unfair. I couldn’t afford to defer my August born.

1 year and 5 months... the legislation refers to children born 1st April to 31st August

Namechangerage · 03/10/2025 20:15

TheNightingalesStarling · 03/10/2025 20:13

1 year and 5 months... the legislation refers to children born 1st April to 31st August

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Bonkers.

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