Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Education

Join the discussion on our Education forum.

Original poster

Are all private school parents petty minded snobs?

334 replies

ReallyTired · 01/06/2008 16:21

I had someone at church telling me that she thought I ought to pull my son out of his state primary and send him to a private school that helps children with learning difficulties like dyslexia.

My son is mildly deaf, but does not have any learning difficulties. He is doing well at his state school. Even though the class is big he has a good teacher. He is in middle ablity groups for everything at the moment.

He is in year 1 and can add and subtract numbers below 100 nicely. His reading is developing well as well. His spelling is very strangem but don't most six year olds have odd spelling? I can't believe that private school kids are two years ahead already at the age of 6?

This person made it clear that she thought that if my son went to a normal private school he would be in the bottom group for everything. Apparently her daughter is bright and she attends selective girl's school so she isn't held back children with SEN.

OP posts:
booge · 01/06/2008 21:43

In answer to op, of course not, you may as well ask if all comprehensive school parents are oiks.

nellyraggbagg · 01/06/2008 22:41

Oh, I hope my 4-yr-old DD never finds out that there's a school with pink uniforms...

I was tempted to move to find a boater-wearing school, but fortunately my boater-fixation has been satisfied by the nursery school that DD goes to for two whole mornings. They also have the blue uniform, so I am in Private School Mummy snob-heaven.

Beetroot · 02/06/2008 08:38

they have a polka dot pint and white skirt too.

pagwatch · 02/06/2008 08:45

seriously - does anyone- anyone know of a six year old who has been asked to leave because they can't keep up.
Tis nonsense.
Ds1 and DD between them have attended 5 independent schools. i have never heard of a child being asked to leave. never.
Constantly asserting the premis that six years olds get slung onto the scrap heap does not make it true. Nor does it make the op any less ridiculous.

nellyraggbagg · 02/06/2008 09:03

Polka dots too! What more could a girl ask for?

Seriously - no, I have never heard of a six-year-old being asked to leave an independent school. DH and I both went to them; we have friend with dcs at all the private schools around here and have never heard of any such thing. It sounds like yet another silly invented "reason" to get at private schools...

stealthsquiggle · 02/06/2008 10:25

No - never heard of anyone being asked to leave because they couldn't keep up. TBH I would run a mile from any school which was so academically selective that they did that. I am told that a few years ago DS's school did ask a couple of children to leave because their behaviour problems (aged 6ish) were so disruptive and the parents were not co-operating with the schools attempts to address the issues - but that is 3rd hand so I don't know the ins and outs of it.

floaty · 02/06/2008 11:29

Actually my 6 year old was asked to leave because he couldn't keep up but they were right he couldn't and it was the wrong school for him.It was all done very gently we were given as much time as we needed and the head of preprep gave us loads of advice about our options and spoke to his new teacher etc they balso helped with the changeover.

The thing about independent schools is that they do all differ quite a lot and sometimes it is the wrong atmosphere for a young child,one has alos moved from my ds3s class recently as he had a particular typoe of learning difficulty which the school wasn't really set up to cope with well,he has moved to another independent which happens to have fantastic facilities for that difficulty

I think it is very common for parents to be told that this is the wrong school for their child,mine have been to 4 schools bretween them and i can think of children in all their classes that this has happened to but generally the school was right ,it just wasn't the right enviroment for that particular child.Wht would any parent want their child to be in an enviroment which wasn't right for them ,if the school is highly academic and you have a less academic but more musical child then yu may have to fsace the fact that keeping them in an enviroment where they are always bottom may not suit,equally some children are not bothered by always being botom.

pagwatch · 02/06/2008 11:43

gawd floaty - what different experiences we have had.
I would find it odd that DS has been to four schools and never encountered it if it really is common. Personally I would be seriously pissed off if the schools admission policy was so crap that they managed to get the selection process wrong on a regular basis.
I suspect that particular schools may struggle with emerging LD's but that is a different issue as it is about a child being in their correct enviroment

frogs · 02/06/2008 11:54

It certainly happens in London, pagwatch, although the schools do try to dress it up in euphemism. A friend of mine teaches at a (nonselective) prep school, and they have a regular trickle of kids coming in at 7+ who have been hoofed (or edged) out of the more high-octane academic establishments for which they had passed the 'selection' at 4.

The most appalling story I have heard (first-hand, not a rumour) involved someone whose child got leukemia in Y4, recovered well after months of chemo and treatment but obviously got behind through missing lots of school. The school concerned (it was one of the big name all-through London girls' school) not only refused to take this into consideration in Y6, but refused to let her sit the North London consortium exam at their school at all, thereby barring her from even trying to stay on into Y7. The mother breaking down in tears in the heads office and pleading for her dd to be allowed to stay with her friends had no effect at all.

Not saying all the London schools are like this, but it definitely does happen.

Issy · 02/06/2008 12:08

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request

snorkle · 02/06/2008 13:25

The thing is pagwatch if it is done very discretely (as it should be if it's done at all) then it's unlikely that other parents will be aware of it happening. Generally speaking a parent isn't going to announce to all that their child is leaving because the school has asked them to as their child isn't coping. The most they are likely to say is that old school hasn't supported their child properly and that they think new school will be better, but I expect often people go without discussing the real reasons.

Quattrocento · 02/06/2008 13:30

Yes, it's always discreetly done at my DC's schools. I happened to know one of the mothers of one of the girls affected when DD was in year 3. It affected that family quite profoundly because the girl in question had two siblings, one of them already at the school, and one on the list for selection interviews. Eventually all three decamped to a less high-octane (I like that expression) establishment but not without some grief. Friends are important to girls at that sort of stage.

Beetroot · 02/06/2008 13:52

would never ever happen at my kids school

but you do get checked out if you won't wear pink blazers

hullygully · 02/06/2008 13:57

what if you're a broadminded snob with children at state schools?

SixSpotBurnet · 02/06/2008 14:05

I think once you get behind the ridiculous mud-slinging and flouncing, there are some really interesting posts on this thread, particularly Quattro, Frogs and Issy.

pagwatch · 02/06/2008 14:08

I take on board these experiences.
My Ds really is odd then. He has never had a child leave his class for any reason - so discreet removals hasn't happened either.
Although he has moved twice so perhaps the other parents were thinking he had been encouraged to move .
Issy my DD went through the selection process for the school you mentioned. We had a really weird experience there.

Issy · 02/06/2008 14:10

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request

CountessDracula · 02/06/2008 14:12

only in the same way all state school parents are chain smoking chavs

snorkle · 02/06/2008 14:27

Must be his magnetic personality pagwatch !

pagwatch · 02/06/2008 14:39

Snork
perhaps he just makes everyone else look really good

Issy - it was weird. And dad in reception was even weirder. Told me he was trying to get youngest in and hoping that having an elder DD would help. " Does elder DD enjoy it here then?" I asked
" oh God no - she really hates it" he replied
{shock]

I ran...
Shame really- just around the corner

Judy1234 · 02/06/2008 14:55

It is quite rare in the schools my children went to. I think they have minimum GCSE results requirements for sixth form as do many state schools.

I would hope that extremely disruptive children are asked to leave eventually after lots of warnings, suspensions etc. because they can destroy school for the rest of the class.

batters · 02/06/2008 15:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Quattrocento · 02/06/2008 15:04

I think it happens more frequently in the junior schools rather than the senior schools - although this is based on no evidence whatsoever.

frogs · 02/06/2008 17:47

Isn't it vile, batters? My mouth was for several minutes after hearing that -- it was a follow-on to a throwaway comment I made about not liking the head of that particular school. Guess my instincts were right.

Quattro -- I suppose junior school offers more natural break points for this kind of thing? Plus harder to identify the kind of ability and personality they need when you're selecting very little children. I think it does happen again between GCSE and 6th form at secondary level though, in both state and private systems.

I guess there is a balance to be struck between leaving kids in a school that really doesn't suit their ability, and ruthlessly culling in order to meet targets. The child with leukemia did get offers from several other london selective schools at 11+, so the original school were clearly culling rather than looking at the child's best interests.

Beetroot · 02/06/2008 17:50

Parents demand schools with top results therefore school has to keep this up otherwise the results would fall and parents would not send their kdis there.