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Original poster

Are all private school parents petty minded snobs?

334 replies

ReallyTired · 01/06/2008 16:21

I had someone at church telling me that she thought I ought to pull my son out of his state primary and send him to a private school that helps children with learning difficulties like dyslexia.

My son is mildly deaf, but does not have any learning difficulties. He is doing well at his state school. Even though the class is big he has a good teacher. He is in middle ablity groups for everything at the moment.

He is in year 1 and can add and subtract numbers below 100 nicely. His reading is developing well as well. His spelling is very strangem but don't most six year olds have odd spelling? I can't believe that private school kids are two years ahead already at the age of 6?

This person made it clear that she thought that if my son went to a normal private school he would be in the bottom group for everything. Apparently her daughter is bright and she attends selective girl's school so she isn't held back children with SEN.

OP posts:
findtheriver · 01/06/2008 18:20

I think she's not getting any and is frustrated and transferring

eenybeeny · 01/06/2008 18:42

OP pointed out the MN rules are against insulting individuals - so has she then deduced its ok to insult masses in one go with her sweeping statements and thread titles? an narrow minded petty snobbish insult stands whether it is directed at one person or ten. I could think of a million examples...

but I might insult someone.

MABS · 01/06/2008 18:46

sorry,that post should have said cerebral palsy.

findtheriver · 01/06/2008 18:50

OP -c'mon, you really should have re-worded the thread title.
But I think you'll feel a whole lot better if next time you see the mad church woman, you look her in the eye and say 'My ds is doing just fine thanks. He will achieve his potential because he has a supportive family and goes to a school where he is happy and doing well. So think of all that lovely money we're saving rather than lining the pockets of some private school.'

Swedes · 01/06/2008 19:29

Reallytired - Lots of state schools will not give sixth form places to kids that have failed to perform well in their sixth form. Isn't that kicking them out?

cupsoftea · 01/06/2008 19:35

ignore her - what she says is rubbish

nellyraggbagg · 01/06/2008 19:40

I chose DS's private school because the green uniform suited him. DD will have to go to one with a blue uniform, though, as green isn't her colour.

I am obviously petty minded, and very defninitely a snob. QED.

Janni · 01/06/2008 19:42

If you want a discussion about this, please write an OP which does not immediately irritate any parent who pays school fees.

Beetroot · 01/06/2008 19:42

We moved 500 miles to find a school with a pink uniform for dd -

Swedes · 01/06/2008 19:49

Beetroot - at the pink uni. I might have to move soon as I have a daughter and I definfitely want her to have a straw boater. The waiting lists for schools with boaters are so looooong.

Beetroot · 01/06/2008 19:51

we paid alot of money to the school charity (helping poor people come in for a day per year and have proper schooling) inorder to get in.

Swedes · 01/06/2008 19:56

Beetroot -

I try to avoid sitting next to families who qualify for means tested bursaries at school functions. I wouldn't say they stink to high heaven but they do have that poor person whiff about them. Mind you I think school are quite sensitive and they normally put the bursary lot on their own table, out of sight at the back.

sarah293 · 01/06/2008 19:56

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sarah293 · 01/06/2008 19:57

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Swedes · 01/06/2008 20:05

Riven -

Hulababy · 01/06/2008 20:14

RT - ypur DS sounds absolutely fine, no problems at all. And would be normal in DD's private prep school too. In DD's school - which is quite academic in nature, but not academically selective IYSWIM, he would definitely not be in the bottom of the class (we don't have sets).

And no, I don't class myself as a petty minded snob. Most of the parents are pretty normal there too.

getbackinyouryurtjimjams · 01/06/2008 20:20

ds2's non-selective private school is more inclusive towards children with SN than the local top of the league tables state school we rejected (in part because of their appalling record with children with SN - and no ds2 and ds3 do not have SN)

Judy1234 · 01/06/2008 20:41

My daughters' old schools - Haberdashers and North London Collegiate hardly ever had a child leave in all the 13 years we were connected with each school. Very occasionally a child couldn't keep up buit that is failure by the school in picking the wrong child in the first place. Even when my oldest had difficulties with her mild dyslexia the lower school head gave her one to one extra help, she did fine and got really good A levels so I don't think the very best private schools are kicking children out all the time. But if a child gets in who shouldm't (and they do think they can tell who is very well coached but not clever and they don't get in in the first place) they won't be happy so it is probably more often a mutual decision to find them a school which better suits their needs.

It is very hard to generalise about private schools. I had reasonably clever children and I wanted them at a school that would stretch them . Other private schools are less selective at 4 and then guide the parents at 12 - 13 years as to which is the best school for their child - those mixed prep schools are in a sense more academically comprehensive.
The academic private preps do tend to be 1 - 2 years ahead of the state system but so would a state primary which just took the top 5% or 10% of children by IQ locally and taught them well.

Original poster
ReallyTired · 01/06/2008 20:50

No, its not kicking them because in most schools the sixth form is a seperate part of the school. Up to year 11 children are in complusory education. Post complusory education is more varied and has different funding rules.

There is a big difference between kicking out a lazy 17 year old out of post complusory education and kicking out a 6 year old child out for being able to read.

Saying that a state school is kicking out someone for allowing them to do A-level is like saying a university is kicking out a graduate for not allowing them to do a PhD. When a child has finished their GCSEs they have finished a major stage of their education.

There is little point in attempting A-level without passing a five GCSEs first. Many schools do offer alternatives to those without 5 GCSES. The governant is bring in a law to give children a legal right to post 16 education, but ofcourse not necessarily A-level.

OP posts:
SniffyHock · 01/06/2008 21:27

Do you honestly know of any 6 year olds that have been kicked out of school for not being able to read??

Swedes · 01/06/2008 21:34

Reallytired. I think it's kicking people out. State schools do it regularly. Surely they are in part responsible for the child failing to do well in their GCSEs - so why are they abandoning them at that stage? It is understandable if it's an academically selective school but if it's State comprehensive - like St George's for example, I think they have no business abandoning people at that stage unless it's for disruptive behaviour.

Enid · 01/06/2008 21:38

"2. One who affects an offensive air of self-satisfied superiority in matters of taste or intellect. "

yes, that'll be me

stealthsquiggle · 01/06/2008 21:40

ReallyTired said "only advantage I can see to a private school is smaller classes and not being constrained by the national curriculum"

big advantage, IMHO - on both counts.

Riven - can I ask - seriously - did people really get away with quoting their expenses to get bursaries? Only the only way we can possibly afford for DS to stay at his current school would be to get a bursary, and I have been pessimistically assuming that 'we earn reasonable money but have a flipping huge mortgage and childcare costs for DD' wasn't going to get us anywhere vs. all the 'self-employed' landowners who drive Bentleys but apparently get paid next to nothing by their own businesses...

stealthsquiggle · 01/06/2008 21:41

ReallyTired said "only advantage I can see to a private school is smaller classes and not being constrained by the national curriculum"

big advantage, IMHO - on both counts.

Riven - can I ask - seriously - did people really get away with quoting their expenses to get bursaries? Only the only way we can possibly afford for DS to stay at his current school would be to get a bursary, and I have been pessimistically assuming that 'we earn reasonable money but have a flipping huge mortgage and childcare costs for DD' wasn't going to get us anywhere vs. all the 'self-employed' landowners who drive Bentleys but apparently get paid next to nothing by their own businesses...

stealthsquiggle · 01/06/2008 21:41

oops - can't afford a decent broadband connection either