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Original poster

Are all private school parents petty minded snobs?

334 replies

ReallyTired · 01/06/2008 16:21

I had someone at church telling me that she thought I ought to pull my son out of his state primary and send him to a private school that helps children with learning difficulties like dyslexia.

My son is mildly deaf, but does not have any learning difficulties. He is doing well at his state school. Even though the class is big he has a good teacher. He is in middle ablity groups for everything at the moment.

He is in year 1 and can add and subtract numbers below 100 nicely. His reading is developing well as well. His spelling is very strangem but don't most six year olds have odd spelling? I can't believe that private school kids are two years ahead already at the age of 6?

This person made it clear that she thought that if my son went to a normal private school he would be in the bottom group for everything. Apparently her daughter is bright and she attends selective girl's school so she isn't held back children with SEN.

OP posts:
ScienceTeacher · 01/06/2008 16:22

No

HonoriaGlossop · 01/06/2008 16:27

No, I'm sure they're not

You might as well ask 'Are all people who go to church petty minded snobs?'

Quattrocento · 01/06/2008 16:29

I loathe the fact that your son is being disparaged for having learning difficulties (!!) which in any case he does not have. It's nasty. I can understand why you are reacting against private school parents but we are not all like that. Really.

There are private schools and private schools IME. The vast majority of private schools are not academically selective and standards are not significantly different.

Some private schools are academically selective (my DCs are at academically selective private schools) and I think these can actually be very destructive of children's confidence - they get put into groups very quickly and the ones that are struggling get weeded out. The ones weeded out are not dim - usually far from it - they are just developing at a different rate. It's quite a cruel environment in many ways. In these schools I do believe that the standard is literally years different, but at quite a considerable cost.

JudgeNutmeg · 01/06/2008 16:38

''Apparently her daughter is bright and she attends selective girl's school so she isn't held back children with SEN.''

What a twat.

findtheriver · 01/06/2008 16:41

So you are quite happy with your ds's education; he is happy and getting on well, and this interfering old bag tells you that a private school would be 'better'??
Tell her to fuck off. Loudly. Straight after morning service

Blandmum · 01/06/2008 17:00

Yes, and we all eat babies for breakfast and shit on peasants whenever we can.....

Nothing like a like sweeping statement.

This individual might well be a petty minded snob, but please think a little before you post such sweeping statements

Original poster
ReallyTired · 01/06/2008 17:02

I have been unfair as not all private schools are vicously selective. I know some people who have chosen private schools for work reasons.

I am just curious, why do people financially support school that treat children so badly. Ie. kicking out children who academically don't make the grade when they are very young? It seems very uncaring and ruthless. Its not a child's fault if they are not intelligent?

Surely there is more to life than academic achievement of the remaining children. It must make the enviromnent very stressful if a child is worried that they are going to be kicked out of school for not being able to read by the end of reception, or they are going to be kicked out for not using finger spaces and cursive writing in year 1.

Surely a school should be like a family and support and educate all its children. Unless a child has really major difficulties then they should be educated alongside in his community.

OP posts:
ScienceTeacher · 01/06/2008 17:03

Kicking out, or recognising that it is not the best school for the child and that there is somewhere that can cater more specifically to their individual needs?

JJ · 01/06/2008 17:06

Oh definitely. People are always saying "Wow, JJ, you're not only a snob but also petty minded." And I think "So I am, I must do something about that someday."

Blandmum · 01/06/2008 17:08

My kids go to a private school. My son has SEN and is very well supported with 10 hours of 1 to 1 support.

I work as a teacher in a state school and I deeply object to being catagorised as a 'petty minded snob'. I'll put up what I do for education in the state secor agains anyone.

I send my kids to a school that suits their needs.

Some private schools are crap for kids with SEN, other are excellent. Just like state schools

JJ · 01/06/2008 17:08

And my sons' school is non-selective. You can imagine what kind of people choose selective schools. I hear they eat babies and shit on peasants.

slayerette · 01/06/2008 17:09

Yes, I am a petty minded snob. I am relieved that the OP has realised that it is entirely acceptable to judge all people within a group based on the one example of that type that she has met.

I myself have learnt on this very thread that all parents of boys in year 1 in state primaries are judgemental and insensitive.

FFS

Loshad · 01/06/2008 17:11

I certainly do JJ, in fact I rode over one such peasant today - did stop the mud splashing up though.

pagwatch · 01/06/2008 17:14

yes
of course i am. totally petty minded. And a snob. A big fat fucking snob - thats me. Petty minded snobby pagwatch.

I also have a son with profound SN so i am in turmoil. Do I think 'fuck kids with sn' or do i embrace my son. It keeps me really busy - well if i didn't have other petty minded things to think about.

So much petty minded stuff to do and so little time. Must get off to church.
But only trhe best church of course. Are there private churches. Could I join one. St Petty of the Small Mindedness

FFS

Original poster
ReallyTired · 01/06/2008 17:14

"Some private schools are academically selective (my DCs are at academically selective private schools) and I think these can actually be very destructive of children's confidence - they get put into groups very quickly and the ones that are struggling get weeded out. The ones weeded out are not dim - usually far from it - they are just developing at a different rate. It's quite a cruel environment in many ways. In these schools I do believe that the standard is literally years different, but at quite a considerable cost. "

Is this emotional cost worth the academic difference. I think what Quattrocento describes is kicking out.

Do bright children really thrive in such a ruthless enviromnent. Why can't private school differentiate when they have such small classes.

OP posts:
pagwatch · 01/06/2008 17:16

JJ
I was hoping to shit on some peasants later. are you available? Then we could laugh and drwon puppies. Are you up for that ?

Blandmum · 01/06/2008 17:17

My kids school is non selective JJ, but I'm such a snob, and a social climber to boot, I still eat babies and shit on peasants to ape my betters

tigertea · 01/06/2008 17:18

Hey - is it really necessary to metaphorically bite the OPs head off - she has already said that she was being unfair in her original question.

pagwatch · 01/06/2008 17:20

my son is in an academically selective school. he loves it - he thrives upon it and he is very very happy.
That is because I chose a school that meets his needs. And it is not ruthless. He is just excessively bright and the school moves at his pace. He works at a pace that suits him and he is very comfortable - as are all his friends.
And I have yet to see a child 'weeded out' !

Blandmum · 01/06/2008 17:20

she effectively called me a petty minded snob, so I'm not going to metaphorically roll over and ask her to walk all over me.

tigertea · 01/06/2008 17:21

Yes - and then she said that she was being unfair so why go on?

ScienceTeacher · 01/06/2008 17:22

I think we need to define snob.

Blandmum · 01/06/2008 17:24
  1. One who tends to patronize, rebuff, or ignore people regarded as social inferiors and imitate, admire, or seek association with people regarded as social superiors.
  2. One who affects an offensive air of self-satisfied superiority in matters of taste or intellect.
ScienceTeacher · 01/06/2008 17:27

OK, I don't fit that definition.

Quattrocento · 01/06/2008 17:28

It's not just the emotional cost to the ones weeded out - it's the potential for damage to self-esteem to very bright children who really have very little recognition as to how truly bright they are. I've seen it at St Pauls (which I will name because my DCs don't go there) but the ethos is very similar at my DCs school.

Why do it? Well why indeed. The reason we did it is for the stretch - put a bright and competitive child in a regular classroom and they should do well but probably only as well as they need to. Stick a bright and competitive child in a classroom full of bright and competitive children and they will stretch further and try harder. Also there's lots and lots of other stuff - good racial mix, first-class sports and music opportunities etc and wraparound care too - all of which are attractive to a working mum.