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Original poster

Are all private school parents petty minded snobs?

334 replies

ReallyTired · 01/06/2008 16:21

I had someone at church telling me that she thought I ought to pull my son out of his state primary and send him to a private school that helps children with learning difficulties like dyslexia.

My son is mildly deaf, but does not have any learning difficulties. He is doing well at his state school. Even though the class is big he has a good teacher. He is in middle ablity groups for everything at the moment.

He is in year 1 and can add and subtract numbers below 100 nicely. His reading is developing well as well. His spelling is very strangem but don't most six year olds have odd spelling? I can't believe that private school kids are two years ahead already at the age of 6?

This person made it clear that she thought that if my son went to a normal private school he would be in the bottom group for everything. Apparently her daughter is bright and she attends selective girl's school so she isn't held back children with SEN.

OP posts:
Swedes · 01/06/2008 17:28

It's not only Independent schools that reject their students when they fail to perform. Academically selective state schools reject for the same reasons.

I chose my sons' independent school for the Polyester blazers.

pagwatch · 01/06/2008 17:30

I am perfectly entitled to be pissed off at my choices for my children being portrayed as harsh and ruthless and then being portrayed myself as snobby and indifferent.
i love all my three children, including my son with SN. I would not place my son in a school that destroyed his confidence and i object to the characterisation that suggests that I would.

ScienceTeacher · 01/06/2008 17:33

It's all in a day's work at Mumsnet though, Pagwatch.

pagwatch · 01/06/2008 17:37

yes - you're right ST.

eenybeeny · 01/06/2008 17:41

the subject title is offensive though. yes, fair enough OP admitted she was unfair. But here is an example:

I was in sainsburys today and a really obnoxious teen mum had put her trolley horizontally across the main aisle and was texting someone. No one could pass. I said "excuse me" in a way that made it clear I was annoyed and she moved. Do I come on MN and post "are all teen mums selfish fuckwits?" no. I dont. because I KNOW its not true. My sister happened to be a teen mum. And my DH went to a private school. And there is every chance my DS went to a private school as well. There are MANY different reasons to send a child to private school. For my DH it was an illness that I wont go into here.

I am just surprised a grown woman has so little perspective into life to post such an OP.

findtheriver · 01/06/2008 17:42

OP, the woman who spoke to you is clearly a petty minded snob. We can safely say that much is true
And also talking bollocky bollocks!

eenybeeny · 01/06/2008 17:42

should read "every chance my DS WILL go to a private school"

eenybeeny · 01/06/2008 17:43

yes the very good moral upstanding woman in church was an idiot.

posieparker · 01/06/2008 17:46

There are patronising, competitive and nasty bitches at every school gate.

SniffyHock · 01/06/2008 17:49

Annoyed that the OP has admitted she was being unfair on the private schools but has not acknowledged the dreadful thread title which can only have been dreamt up to get this kind of reaction.

Hello, my name is Sniffy and I'm a petty minded snob.

Quattrocento · 01/06/2008 17:49

Have a heart OP-bashers - the OP was irritated by what was a very insensitive comment and just having a rant

sarah293 · 01/06/2008 17:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SniffyHock · 01/06/2008 17:59

I understand what you're saying Quattro but none of us have tried to defend the insensitive woman at church that didn't think before she spoke...

It takes a little bit more effort to type out a sentence than to blurt out a sentence - the OP must have known that her title would cause offence.

Original poster
ReallyTired · 01/06/2008 18:01

Midly wind up threads are all part of mumsnet. The rules of mumsnet are against being nasty to individual mumsnetters.

"It's not only Independent schools that reject their students when they fail to perform. Academically selective state schools reject for the same reasons."

Academically selective state schools can not exclude a child for being thick, unless they can show that they cheated in the admissions process. They also find it hard to get rid of badly behaved kids.

It's not only Independent schools that reject their students when they fail to perform. Academically selective state schools reject for the same reasons.

Quattrocento,

Why do you think its impossible for your child to be stretched with a good teacher and a small number of children.
State school kids often do better than their private conterparts at university. Yet the state school students at Oxbridge will often have been at the top of their classes with less competition.

The only advantage I can see to a private school is smaller classes and not being constrained by the national curriculum. A lot of state schools have wrap around care and you can pay extra for music elsewhere.

If a child has never mixed with average intelligence people then how does it prepare them for the work place? Ie. when they have a senior work collegue who has an IQ of 100. The senior collegue might have more knowledge even if they have less brains.

Why is it not as important for children to mix with children of a range of ablities as much as a range of ethnic orgins?

OP posts:
Beetroot · 01/06/2008 18:03

great title
not narrow minded or anything

MicrowaveOnly · 01/06/2008 18:07

Well thank you Reallytired, I come onto mumsnet for a chat and I get insulted.

so answer me..Are all state school mums who go to church rude, stupid and narrow minded ?

hmm, looks like it judging by this OP.

findtheriver · 01/06/2008 18:09

Oh dearie me this is turning into something else isn't it.
ReallyTired, you don't need to defend state schools - 93% of the population attend them. Most children turn out fine and well rounded. If you have a bright child they will do well in a good state school. And as you rightly say, it prepares them very well for university.
Tell the woman at church she's a mad old bint.

slayerette · 01/06/2008 18:13

Microwave, maybe we should flounce over to a thread of our own with your question as its title! Can you imagine how much grief we'd get?

And to those who are saying that the OP has admitted she was being unfair, she hasn't. She has said that she is being unfair as not all private schools are viciously selective but not acknowledged that we parents might not all be petty minded snobs. So we can assume that she is standing by that claim.

And I can be pissed off about it.

Beetroot · 01/06/2008 18:14

Don't be pissed off by an ignorant comment like that.

ignore it. She is baiting.

bored imo

pagwatch · 01/06/2008 18:15

Actually there are many many things that my DS gets at his school that he would not get elsewhere.
I have never seen a child taken out of any of his schools ( or at DD's although she is only 5) and he is nearly 15 now.
He mixes with average intelligence people in many other social situations - friends, family, church, sporting clubs - why does he have to do that at school. And he has all his brothers friends many of whom have LD's.

I am perfectly happy with my childrens schools - why is it anyone elses business tbh? My child is not being weeded out ( nor has anyone in any of his schools that I can see), he is able to access great facilities for his sports and interests, he can walk to school, he likes being at a boys school ( hated mixed education)and he is really happy.
Really what is the problem ?

Quattrocento · 01/06/2008 18:15

I've explained my reasons for going private already really. I do think there is much more stretch, much more quite sophisticated extension work, class sizes of 16-20 means they get more attention etc. The music being available at school means that we don't have to make arrangements to take them - which in a packed working week is a real bonus. The sports are a bonus too - especially for DD who is ultra-sporty. The wraparound care ditto. The work ethic is admirable too and there are zero disruptive children.

The point you make about social mix is of course relevant but that's the only downside I can see. The point about workplace - well it depends on the kind of workplace they end up in, I suppose. They have to rely on us for groundedness .

MicrowaveOnly · 01/06/2008 18:17

ooh its tempting slayerette..dare ya

Quattrocento · 01/06/2008 18:18

I have seen a (small but to me worrying) number of primary school children counselled out. They try to minimise it through having good selection processes but when you are selecting at 3/4 it must be next to impossible to work out what they are going to be like at 9.

MABS · 01/06/2008 18:19

DS has cerebral and is at a great independent school.As others have said, it can happen!!

MicrowaveOnly · 01/06/2008 18:19

Q my school 'counsels out' kids..but its because they think they won't cope with the common entrance exam and so should aim to leave at 11. Not sure that's a good enough excuse tho.