What to do with a bright child?

[Mumanddone]

I will be accused of bragging but I really am looking for genuine ideas here please.

4yo DD has started reception. She is in a private school. She can read fluently, writes and her maths skills are great. She is basically bilingual. She carries a conversation like a grown up - she’s hugely imaginative and great fun to talk to. She’s not some prodigy - she’s actually a bit of a silly little girl prone to not listening but she is objectively very very bright.

When I observe her peers, I don’t feel like they are on the same wavelength for the most part. Some of them are barely able to string a sentence together and they still seem to have very infantile form of expression. DD makes friends easily and is happy to play with anyone but at the same time - will this hold her back?

we decided for private school to boost her, but wondering if this is enough. I suppose there is a sliding scale to private education. Are there places better suited for her? Or is there something we should be doing to support her at home/ outside. She does the general run of clubs ie: drama, swimming etc.

It won’t hold her back. She’s learned a lot which is great, but she also needs to learn to be a little girl.

Can she share, take turns, show empathy etc.

How creative is she?

These are things I’d look for in a reception child. It’s not just about progressing up- look for a broad and balanced development.

Lol do absolutely nothing. At 4 there are massive differences in apparent ability due to age and temperament - very normal for girls in particular to seem ahead, especially if they’re one of the older ones in the class.

All children however intelligent should have their interests nurtured and be given opportunities to explore different things, but also importantly have lots of time to play.

In due course she can do things to expand beyond school - musical instrument great for this. But honestly just be aware that you won’t be the first parent at the school to think you’ve got a special little genius on your hands, and moderate your dealings with teachers etc accordingly!

Why does she need boosting? What's the end goal?

I would personally do nothing specific, let her be 4. Encourage and follow her interests, read to her loads, encourage her to try different books herself including different presentations, fiction and no fiction and poems and discuss them. Visit museums, galleries, libraries, concerts and different places, meet different people, role model friendships & relationships, answer her questions honestly etc....

Nothing academically specific at all.

She can, we’ve never had any real issues with that as far as school is concerned. She’s been in pre school for two years and this was mainly to assist with social skills particularly sharing and friends as she is an only child. She is very emotionally intelligent . Very creative - draws imaginative ideas and makes things from materials found around the house. Teachers have described her as creative

I suspect she needs to focus on learning other things aside from those that are academic.

People develop skills at different rates but for a lot of things there’s a ceiling of ability iyswim? Someone will read at 3 and some at 6/7 but reading age has a ceiling of 16 years for testing for example.

Od focus on social skills. One of the biggest traps young children who are precocious fall into is becoming bossy and domineering because their peers don’t yet have the same level of conversation skills. It will bite them in the arse if they continue it because when everyone else catches up they don’t want to be bossed around and it leaves the child lonely.

At 4yos I’d let her be but if she shows an interest in further learning outside of school then you can look at things like coding activities as that’s a useful skill in this day and age!

You don’t need to do anything else.

Feed her interests but let her be. She won’t be a genius you know. She’ll just end up being a high achiever at a decent university along with a lot of other people, some of whom were like her and some of whom weren’t.

At the same age I started mine (I had twins) on a musical instrument for deepening.

at ks1/infants the main focus is on learning to read, and basic maths. There are quite a few kids who either pick this up for themselves or pick it up very easily.

however in ks2 it becomes much more about using the ability to read to gain knowledge.

I’d suggest this is where you can focus your efforts if you want to put efforts in.

so for example (and a lot of this applies to all kids, not just height ones) - go to museums. Go to living history type stuff - Viking re-enactments etc. travel to places that are not where you live - go to London, go to the seaside, go to the Lake District.
take her to see theatre plays, musicals and as much music as you can manage.
go to a church, or several churches and attend a church service (or whatever your religion is).
take her to the natural history museum and to Roman ruins and to a castle.

get her out and about and experiencing the world.

Could you give some examples?

Our grandson is the same, in state. Our kids were in a mix of independent and state at various stages. I think it depends entirely on the child, not the setting. If they have a love of learning and family support, they’ll thrive.

One of the biggest things we had to teach DD, who was advanced during primary, was to fail. All the way through primary she was top of the class, understood concepts quickly and rarely got work wrong. Now this is not a healthy thing developmentally, as at some point children will reach a point where they don't get it all right first time and if they've never 'failed' before it can really throw them off course.

We focused on physical challenges and perseverance, modelling to her how we got things wrong and that was 'okay'. Then how to keep on trying, even if you keep on not winning or getting it right.

That process helps with academic work throughout their education, as well as socially and with sports etc. DD now competes in a sport and manages brilliantly at not winning, much better than a lot of the other children. It took effort on our part though, and is something just as important as academic challenge.

No I don’t think she will be joining MENSA. But I was a bright child and it hardly got me anywhere. I’d like to do more for her.

Sounds like she’s boosted enough for the moment? Just let her chill and get used to school, I’d say. Have lots of play dates. Go to swimming and playgrounds lots. Get her a pet. Put her in piano in a couple of years time. She may level out anyway. If she continues to excel then reassess at junior school level.

I’d say don’t boost her at all. Let her go with the pace of other kids and allow the school to boost her along with her bright peers.
The danger with being boosted at a young age is soon she’ll realise she’s very bright, maybe the brightest in the class. She’ll be validated by teachers, peers and even other parents sometimes.
There can be a price to pay for this when they get to secondary school and realise they are not the brightest in the class or not getting A’s for every assignment and exam. This can cause all sorts of issues and anxieties.
Boost her at secondary school.

This, exactly. And you don’t want her to be a genius either. Academic results don’t = happiness or even professional success- good social skills are much more important for both.

I could read at 4, just buy lots of books. I went to an academic secondary but things had levelled out by then really.

I would say ‘it depends’.

Yes, of course there is a sliding scale of private schools - from those which are genuinely selective at 4+ (very few in actuality); those that are nominally selective but in fact only really screen out those who will be most challenging educationally / behaviourally; those that take all comers who pay; those who actively provide for those with SEN. Only you will know which category your school fits into, and how much they genuinely provide educationally above local state schools (non-selective privates often provide great sports, a nice peer group, smaller classes, cuter uniform, more old-fashioned teaching methods but not necessarily more educational challenge).

It is also worth remembering that children develop at different rates, but may reach very similar final points. DS was an exceptionally able pre-schooler; DD more ‘normally able’, but in fact DD is the one at the most prestigious university while DS followed his heart into a creative sector.

On the other hand, there ARE children who are academic outliers. At this point, the best policy is to ensure that they relate well to all of their peers, can work in groups collaboratively, can properly be a child and run and jump and play, can find things they are bad at as well as things that come easily to them, and overall have as wide and varied experiences as can possibly be managed. Later primary and, especially, secondary is where you may need to focus on school choice.

If you’ve got enough £ to send her to private school you’ve obviously done ok. You need to chill out - more risk to her from your expectations on her, especially as an only child and girl - than of not being “boosted” enough academically.

@PragmaticIsh good point, that happened to me with my A-levels because I never had to try/revise until then.

Very unusual for a 4 year old who has just started school to be a fluent reader. What type of books is she reading? I work with this age group and have never seen a fluent reader at the start of reception

Let her be. She’s 4; obviously a very intelligent little girl but if you push it, you’re just filling her with pressure and expectations. Let her find her own way, she only needs a little encouragement.

I agree you should let her be and let her fail too. I have seen several chn who were bright academically and have always been told so from a young age struggle with making mistakes and understanding that they don’t have to be the best.

Our grandson was a fluent reader at 4 (he’s two levels up from his closest peer at school) and both of our kids by 5. It’s really not so unusual.

You don’t need to do anything . If she’s bright she will be absorbing information and questioning things on her own . There is no point in pushing for more academically at this age .
I’ve seen children present very bright at this age and be average by senior school , I’ve seen children performing below expectations at primary to go on to the best alevels and unis - and everything inbetween . Children develop at very different rates and then motivation and effort comes into play .
Let her be - sure let her read what interests her , play creatively , maybe do a physical activity but she will be fine with that .
Also I agree that it’s good to fail or not be so good at something. Seen many children who achieved easily early on really struggle when they didn’t come top , couldn’t be the best or failed at something after previous success .