What to do with a bright child?

[Mumanddone]

I will be accused of bragging but I really am looking for genuine ideas here please.

4yo DD has started reception. She is in a private school. She can read fluently, writes and her maths skills are great. She is basically bilingual. She carries a conversation like a grown up - she’s hugely imaginative and great fun to talk to. She’s not some prodigy - she’s actually a bit of a silly little girl prone to not listening but she is objectively very very bright.

When I observe her peers, I don’t feel like they are on the same wavelength for the most part. Some of them are barely able to string a sentence together and they still seem to have very infantile form of expression. DD makes friends easily and is happy to play with anyone but at the same time - will this hold her back?

we decided for private school to boost her, but wondering if this is enough. I suppose there is a sliding scale to private education. Are there places better suited for her? Or is there something we should be doing to support her at home/ outside. She does the general run of clubs ie: drama, swimming etc.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/gifted_and_talented/5388415-when-did-you-know-your-child-was-gifted

This recent thread might be helpful?

You can't really mistake echolalia for anything else 🤦‍♀️

Why are you so angry at the suggestion she might be ND? Why is YOUR mind so closed to possibilities and different view points? What is THAT closed mind going to teach her!?

Yup. Or aptitude for languages. My friend's DD was talking in long sentences when she was about 2 or 3, people around her were freaked out as she's also petite so looked barely out of her pram. Studied structural linguistics at uni, works in IT now, no sign of ND.

My son’s infant school did.

Don’t do anything 😂 love her and encourage her and let her follow her interests as any parent would! They all develop at different rates. Please don’t tell her she’s so bright etc as that will put pressure on her. Let her play and enjoy being a child and encourage her to develop hobbies, interests and social skills

I’m not angry but frankly amused by people concocting diagnoses for a child they’ve never met or interacted with.

Teacher here - amazing that your little one is doing so well! I’d ensure the school are stretching her accordingly through extension tasks etc. I’d also get their perspective at parents evening and see if they notice anything she can work towards. In my experience at the young age of 4 there will almost definitely be a few things. Classroom settings are very different to 1:1. She also needs to learn how to work with various abilities just like in the real world. I do ask some parents to not go too far ahead with teaching at home because a - it’s taught very differently now in terms of lingo etc and b - if they know it all already, it can create a sense of over confidence and even arrogance over time. This can really affect them when things get tough and they do find something hard, as they haven’t got familiar with that feeling nor do they know strategies to help them overcome it. Consolidate and deepen learning through a mastery approach will help. Look at the years curriculum map, potentially the next years so you can see what she’ll be going on to and you can extend in the right way at home in the holidays perhaps. School is full on and very exhausting for them initially and she’ll be learning so much more than what is put down on paper in her first year.

Is she happy in school? Is she being stretched in ways you'd like? I mean your child is strong in some subjects and I would expect a good school, private or state, to be able to provide teaching in those areas which were appropriate to her level. If the school really can't do this and she is not at the right school for her.

Bright children push themselves so open up the opportunity for her to do so

Take her to the playground lots and lots. There is no better education for kids, she'll learn to rule the world there.

Thank you! They have mentioned she needs to work on punctuating her writing and consistency with capitals and Lower case etc but acknowledge it’s early to expect this. It’s also the fine balancing act between letting her have writing as a form of self expression (she likes writing little letters and songs) and ensuring it meets the rules of writing.

Yes other people have asked this - she loves school!

I think when people make comments about letting her be a child, they don't know what it is like to have a very clever child. My child is 2 and can read, do maths, knows the planets, countries etc. he hasn't been hot housed. He is very clever and curious. The fact is that their class mates will bore them and they won't really get anything out of spending time with them to be honest. I wish they had maths club for toddlers, or I wish he could go to school with 5 year Olds. At the very least, the teachers should be challenging children like this so they don't get bored. Not sure what to suggest.

Help her with emotional intelligence (a pp gave a brilliant example of teaching a child to deal with failure). I think sometimes children who are very capable intellectually end up relying too much on that, rationalising emotions instead of feeling them, for example.
I wish someone had told me that intellectual ability is just one type of intelligence, and not enough to have a fulfilling life. That's what I tell my kids. Also, it's important that the bright kid understand that they're not "better" than the others.

I literally never mentioned autism. What are you on about?

My apologies, your comment was just underneath someone who was. This was not aimed at you directly.

I would argue having a verbose child is something to be proud of though.

He sounds a very clever cookie! To be clear, I don’t think my DD has ever been bored in her life. She loves playing with her peers and bonding with them. But I’d like her to be surrounded by peers that match her level to an extent. As others have suggested though, this will come

When I observe her peers, I don’t feel like they are on the same wavelength for the most part.

This stands out to me.

There's two things.
Firstly children who are socially immature often appear like this. Because they are immature, they bond easier with older children who are more likely to make allowances for the "little one" and also they don't have the social skills to adapt round their peers.
I know you've said how sociable she is, but parents aren't always the best judge for their own dc, and I've certainly had conversations where a parent is saying similar and I've watched and can see that their child is socially immature rather than how they see it.

The second thing is my parents thought this about my brother. It hugely hampered him socially, because whenever there were issues it was always:
"they don't understand you because you're so much better than they are"
"they don't want to talk about the things that you're interested in because your interests are so mature"
"they're jealous because you're cleverer"
For example, a couple of years ago, my brother mentioned that on his first day at secondary, he went to sit down at lunch with a group from his form, and one of them told he couldn't sit there, so he went to sit elsewhere.
Dm immediately said: "Well those boys were just jealous because you were cleverer than them."
It was their first day. He knew no one from his year, let alone his form. I don't even think he knew anyone in the school.
They hadn't at that point done anything other than be shown round the school. They couldn't possibly have known who was cleverer than who - that's assuming my brother hadn't said he was cleverer than everyone else which is possible but unlikely.

By assuming all the problems were because he was cleverer, it stopped any working through social issues.
He couldn't change how clever he was.
The issue was normally seen as them: being immature, them being not understanding of the much more adult world, them being jealous.
So what could he do about the issues? They weren't possible for him to do anything to solve.

Having got three bright children, I always rejoiced when I saw them giggling and being silly. When they were able to react the same as the rest of their peers, that was brilliant. It means they are picking up social skills which will help them in life.
Let them be children; finding a mutual giggle is a wonderful way of making friends.

if you make them feel that they have to be "above" the other children then they will struggle to make friends.

Honestly? My dd when she was four could fit your description of your dd, and she was classed as advanced, but not particularly so. I think more and more kids are behind these days that children like your dd look exceptional, but its probably them being where they should be developmentally whilst so many others are behind. I think your dd is a product of good parenting, with parents who actually want to engage with their child and being an only with two sets of guaranteed attention

Mostly just keep doing what you are doing. Let her explore and learn as she wishes.

start researching and even reading books you think she might be interested in because finding things that are interesting for her reading level but age appropriate gets tricky.

Watch for signs of perfectionism and anxiety. Address them quickly if they come up. Be prepared to access private therapists if at all possible. School systems see a child doing well academically and don’t care that they are falling apart mentally.

I see you are resistant to watching for signs of autism, but this is a classic autistic presentation in a young girl. It’s not remotely a bad kind of ASD to have if you do have. Hyperlexia is a valuable tool. It’s the variety both my dd and I have and it comes in quite handy. It just can help to recognize that it exists if it does in fact exist.

DD was very much like this - very clever and advanced at reading and maths in Reception. She's not autistic and school was fine for her. Actually, it's really nice for kids who are good at academic stuff at school in the early years. They are constantly being told they are doing everything right which is great - lovely to feel like you are winning all the time without too much effort.

DD was at a state school with a huge variation between the highest and lowest attainment in the class and this was a massive plus as the teachers were really used to supplying appropriate work for a wide range of abilities.

The problem can come later on if they haven't learnt how to work. Part of this is personality but mostly I'd say make sure your child is doing at least one thing out of school that she is not naturally good at but likes. Music, gymnastics, dance, sport, whatever. It's worth learning how to try hard.

DD was not bored by school and still had plenty to learn in terms of social stuff. She later got into some very selective schools so clearly had not been held back. I don't think you should worry unless she seems to be disengaging with learning. And try to find her something to do that means she has to try hard to be able to do it well.

Let her pick an instrument. One of mine was doing all the things your DD is doing but had also passed her first two music exams with 100,% in theory. She picked her instrument and loved it, trickier with second instrument as she tried two or three before she settled on the one she wanted to go with. If you pick the wrong instrument for her it might put her off.

We arranged private language classes with like minded parents all through primary. Both mine enjoyed this and both ended up doing a language a level - dd1 doing language and law at a RG university. So would recommend that for an academic child.

Main thing is can she tie her shoelaces, dress herself, queue, take turns etc. teachers will teach them what they need to know but it holds teachers back if they or TA need to help dress them / tidy up etc.

if they are clever there is plenty of time for that, they need to learn to be a child and play, social skills are key here.