What to do with a bright child?

[Mumanddone]

I will be accused of bragging but I really am looking for genuine ideas here please.

4yo DD has started reception. She is in a private school. She can read fluently, writes and her maths skills are great. She is basically bilingual. She carries a conversation like a grown up - she’s hugely imaginative and great fun to talk to. She’s not some prodigy - she’s actually a bit of a silly little girl prone to not listening but she is objectively very very bright.

When I observe her peers, I don’t feel like they are on the same wavelength for the most part. Some of them are barely able to string a sentence together and they still seem to have very infantile form of expression. DD makes friends easily and is happy to play with anyone but at the same time - will this hold her back?

we decided for private school to boost her, but wondering if this is enough. I suppose there is a sliding scale to private education. Are there places better suited for her? Or is there something we should be doing to support her at home/ outside. She does the general run of clubs ie: drama, swimming etc.

I don't know post-VAT situation, but super selectives used to be hugely oversubscribed with waiting lists for those who did the assessments at usual points of entry. Occasional places were offered to people who were on WL, my DD's school accepted a couple of WL girls into Y1 or 2 when pupils moved overseas. They had to sit another assessment though.

Maybe worth trying to contact the schools directly and see what they say. It may be easier these days.

You sound way overinvested in your dd's progress. Why not focussing on her having fun? We are all going to die in the end and she's already extremely gifted, let her live. And find a hobby that can divert you from obsessing about your daughter, it will help you and her.

Ok you might not to hear this.

My daughter was the same. Talked at 2 proper conversations by 3. Reading fluently and I mean devouring books by 4. Reading age of 18 by about 9. Learnt all the spelling for primary by age 6! GCSE x2 sat at 13 could have probably done them earlier.

She (mine) is autistic. I didn’t realise it. She is now great socially and had to learn a lot about playing and winning and losing and it’s been bloody, bloody hard work with her for years.

Personally I didn’t push her academically as I knew she needed help socially and emotionally and holistically. Although we only recognised that she was autistic at like age 14, due to Covid and knowing how bright she was. So we learnt about failure and resilience and also futility. it’s important to know that some things you can’t do and that is acceptance. Books are your friends here. The brains are like sponges even at 18.

I got mine pets, encouraged story telling, writing, drawing and creatively, yoga, breathing, friendships and being but don’t label her - eg good at maths. Praise effort and failure and kindness. She is good effort!

enjoy her, she will be 10 different people in her lifetime she will grow and change.

encourage her to love learning and being kind to people including herself

Nowhere did I say she’s not having fun or that she’s being pushed excessively.

I know this comes from a good place, I do. But is every child that is clever and switched on going to be accused of being ND? If I’m honest I think everyone is a little bit on a spectrum and the obsessive need to label everything doesn’t help anyone.

the other stuff is useful though. I completely agree that resilience and social skills are importance. In all honesty, her peers seem to be disregulated frequently. But I also think it’s important to mix with all different types of people.

She needs to play - she needs to have fun - she needs to learn to get on with all sorts of different people - she needs to rest and relax - she needs to experience singing with others and dancing with others. This is the boost she needs.

Children are interesting in the rates at which they develop. So often they can seem to be at different ends of the development/intelligence spectrum then a couple of years later they are on a par.

And even if your DD is "bright" in the sense of being academically gifted, she simply needs what all children need (see above!). She does not need boosting.

One of my DGC has a brain like a planet - went to a village primary where she was streets ahead academically but learned so much and has become a kind and compassionate young adult. She got a scholarship to a private secondary school where she obtained a string of GCSEs at the highest grades, but has chosen to leave there and go to the local 6th Form College where she feels more at home with a more mixed bunch of fellow students.

Her time just being herself at primary school and mucking in with all-comers taught her things that academia could not - she used to help and encourage some of her peers when they were struggling. Her lovely parents were delighted with this and did not see it as a waste of her learning time, but as a good lesson in getting along with everyone and understanding the value of those who did not share her gifts.

I would investigate the school you want and then ask. Reception doesn't strike me as a school year where places are in fierce demand, so a move might be possible.

What do you teach, out of interest? I'd never describe a teacher as 'just' - it's an amazing skill to have! I haven't really got anything to add to help your DD, except maybe going on regular walks and taking pics of plants, birds and insects? Then she can research them herself at home, and it will tap in to the desire to look at details that children develop around that age. Sarah Raven has a beautiful book on Wild Flowers that's a little less stiff in format than a traditional reference one.

is every child that is clever and switched on going to be accused of being ND?
Are you serious? Accused of..

think everyone is a little bit on a spectrum
Jesus wept.

This stood out to me too.

What kind of teacher are you @Mumanddone ?

English literature and media studies

Read with her and to her. Read some more. Get her to read to you. Reading will do so much for her in every area. My two are adults now but being avid readers made all the difference and they both did very well in terms of University etc. But, crucially, praise effort, not brains. Praise what she does, not what she has. Avoid extrinsic rewards (money, gifts for doing well) and make learning its own reward.

Just my personal opinion (not politically/ideologically motivated - I was a primary school teacher).
I'd keep her where she is for now. All those children who seem 'behind', less mature etc will change such a lot in the next year or two. Some may not, but a range of other children (socially and academically) is a healthy thing.
It sounds as if she will thrive wherever she is.

What brilliant advice. OP listen to this, especially the ‘praise effort’ rather than results. Clever children can be super self critical and that can end up sabotaging themselves for fear of failure.

@mathanxiety
I had never heard this advice of having her do chores and this enhancing self-esteem.
Would you say more? Sometimes clever children are kept so busy doing top level homework, piano etc so they have little time and mum does chores to free it up.

Something I would add is not to ignore the physical aspect if her life - lots of playing outside, running, swimming, dancing etc

Private school really isn't about bright/gifted children. It's more about parents with money. So, especially at such a young age, there'll be the usual enormous range in abilities of pupils. It's more at older ages when privately educated kids do better than others, basically because the private "offering" develops children better, many of whom may have struggled/stagnated at other schools. I'm not at all sure that a bright/gifted child would always do a lot better at a private than at a state, unless of course other factors were in play such as bullying or disruption that maybe more likely at some state schools.

So, especially at such a young age, there'll be the usual enormous range in abilities of pupils.

Not in schools that do 4+ and 7+ assessments.

I've seen perfect calligraphic writing in Y1, that takes much more physiological maturity than reading.

The range of abilities is certainly not "enormous" and tends to be 1-2 sigmas to the right.

I didn’t say she was ND I said exceptional reading like that without having been taught often crops up in ND children.

Not many children can memorise enough words to be fluent by 4.

The Summer I Turned Pretty? For a 4 year old?

English is not Chinese, we don't have to memorise words to be able to read.

This is a very good point. They’re all on their own timeline and will develop together to form (hopefully) meaningful, lasting friendships.

Well if you haven’t learnt phonics it’s a combination of sight reading - memorising what an adult says when they point to that word.

There were three in DD's (state school) class! It's fairly common for there to be at least one at their school, but three really was unusual. Apparently it was luck that they were all in the same class (three form entry). Two of them were already reading chapter books, the one who was an August birthday was ready for chapter books but hadn't yet taken that step. As others have said, some of the others did catch up before the end of the year.

(Their teacher commented that it was really unusual for an August birthday to be reading already - in fact, at least one of the others was also reading pretty fluently at just turned four, but of course the teacher didn't meet them until they were nearly five.)

I didn’t put it on for her of course.

Yes I think reading widely has helped her memorise a large number of words.

I remember my kids primary school head telling me the range of “normal” in terms of educational attainment is HUGE. I’m sure your daughter is nothing they haven’t seen before and won’t be able to cater to accordingly.