Complaint against school

[tubsters]

Posting with a name change to protect my child’s identity. Has anyone had experience with a Level 3 complaint panel hearing at a school?

My 12-year-old son, who has never really been in trouble before, was given what I feel were punitive and degrading punishments. For example, he was made to sit alone on a bench in the yard for about an hour, as all the other children walked past knowing he’d been excluded from a trip – a clear act of public humiliation.

He was also called into a meeting with the Head and three other teachers, where he was pressured to end every sentence with “sir.” He was clearly nervous, and this only heightened the power imbalance and distress he felt. he is usually very polite and would always use ‘sir ‘ in normal circumstances

I accept that children need discipline and have always supported teachers, but the way this was handled felt oppressive and unnecessary, especially for a child who posed no danger and was already anxious.

The Head has denied much of this, so I escalated it to the governors and it’s now going to a panel hearing. I feel quite daunted about going up against the school, but I strongly believe this needs to be addressed for my son’s sake and for other children in the future.

If anyone has been through a panel hearing and can share their experience or advice, I’d be really grateful.

Yes and talking about degrading and humiliating is over the top. He was sat on a bench yes it would be embarrassing but op word choice is dramatic

Excluding him from a trip is one thing, but all his classmates being walked past him when he's distressed seems sadistic.

That doesn't sound very degrading, and it's very telling that you won't say what he did to get a punishment/consequence.

I don’t have any advice on the panel as I’ve never been involved in one but I actually agree with what you’ve said (I am a secondary teacher and a parent).

I know at my school we wouldn’t allow the bench situation but as a state school with (probably) more behaviour issues than private, we have designated spaces in these situations. I see that you have said you don’t have a problem with him being banned from the trip; I think people on here think you are minimising whatever he did. In this case I would be asking for context and clarity, especially as it was the next day and not an immediate solution to a problem. If they can’t answer that then it was definitely more about embarrassing him and his friend. Are the other parents complaining too?

The sir thing is strange as well. I do think that could be considered quite intimidating.

Being made to sit on a bench by himself? Not much context there but doesn't sound good.
Being made to say Sir? That sounds completely normal to me. You're supposed to address your teachers as Sir and Miss, unless something's drastically changed since I was at school!
It's called respect.

Do you also expect your DS to uphold good values and not behave in such a way as to be removed from a school trip? Because you are really coming across as someone who completely believes every single thing your child tells you and will always think he can do no wrong. That isn’t great parenting - children lie, exaggerate and put on a great act when they think it will deflect negative attention away from them.

And im replying to the biggest one.

Youre a nasty piece of work.

@tubsters is this your thread too? Very similar writing style and also pursuing a complaint after the son has left the school
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/legal_matters/5334276-deceitful-behaviour-from-school-dont-know-where-to-turn?page=1

This. OP, you're being ridiculous. If he felt humiliated, this is of his own doing. He misbehaved, he needs to take the punishment and being made to sit and watch everyone else leave on the trip will not, ultimately, do him any harm. If anything, he might actually think twice before getting involved in any further misdemeanours.

As for the Sir thing, its not the hill I'd choose to die on, but if he was being disrespectful, and I can well imagine that he was, if his attitude is anything like yours, I can't really fault them for it.

I went to an all girls' grammar that really thought it was a cut above the other senior schools in the city especially the two all girls' secondary modern which took all the girls who did not pass the 11 plus. It was a vile place that really scarred me and humiliation was part of the regime. For example if you were placed in detention your name was read out in assembly and you had to stand up and tell the whole school what you had done wrong as well in addition to the actual detention. The sadistic and quite frankly deranged head of PE used to prowl the school looking for "misdemenours" when she was not bulllying pupils in PE lessons, she once dislocated a pupil's shoulder by dragging her over a vaulting horse. When school was out she would drive aound the city looking for girls who were not wearing their berets/boaters, who were eating in the street or talking to a boy ! I was once spotted doing all three and wow did I get into trouble and harangued about the standards expected of "grammer school girls" We were ruled and controlled by fear and humiliation. I had a friend who made an attempt on her life, I hated that school

But perhaps, as many on here have suggested, the rest of the class were just going that way and he had to sit there in order to be supervised rather than being 'filed past' to humiliate him.

He sat on a bench - boo hoo. Actions have consequences, tough shit

Make your mind up OP one minute you’re saying your son was sat on the bench alone and then elsewhere on the thread you said he was sat there with his friend.

thanks for your insight

Poor kid.

He got a very mild punishment and his mum's been flapping on the internet about it for 3 hours.

You're doing him no favours in life at all.

yes this was my main bone of contention

Well said 👏

separate benches, apart

Unneccesary for any adult to feel they need to treat children this way. It’s disgusting. No real advice but just wanted to wish you luck ❤️

@MrsPinkSky seeking advice from the experienced contingent of MN

How do you know this is what happened?

I really hope that is the case.

I remember similar being done to me by a teacher who hated me over 40 years ago (I hadn't actually done anything wrong!) and I can still feel that shame and humiliation. Fucking horrible bitch.

@MumWifeOther thank you, for your empathy

Then ignoring almost everyone with experience of panels.