Complaint against school

[tubsters]

Posting with a name change to protect my child’s identity. Has anyone had experience with a Level 3 complaint panel hearing at a school?

My 12-year-old son, who has never really been in trouble before, was given what I feel were punitive and degrading punishments. For example, he was made to sit alone on a bench in the yard for about an hour, as all the other children walked past knowing he’d been excluded from a trip – a clear act of public humiliation.

He was also called into a meeting with the Head and three other teachers, where he was pressured to end every sentence with “sir.” He was clearly nervous, and this only heightened the power imbalance and distress he felt. he is usually very polite and would always use ‘sir ‘ in normal circumstances

I accept that children need discipline and have always supported teachers, but the way this was handled felt oppressive and unnecessary, especially for a child who posed no danger and was already anxious.

The Head has denied much of this, so I escalated it to the governors and it’s now going to a panel hearing. I feel quite daunted about going up against the school, but I strongly believe this needs to be addressed for my son’s sake and for other children in the future.

If anyone has been through a panel hearing and can share their experience or advice, I’d be really grateful.

thanks ! x

I didn't realise that trust issues concerning OP's DS had been brought up by teachers. I read a lot of the thread but missed the last couple of pages. I had just assumed that he would be able to walk down the corridor by himself as chidren do in most schools.

I know you don’t think the offence your child committed is relevant but It is. If you child had just punched another child then your child deserves not to go on the trip. If he got kicked off the trip for not wearing his tie correctly, then that’s obviously unreasonable. While you think there must have been lots of other staff around, that isn’t necessarily the case. It sounds like the teacher put them somewhere they could be supervised while the other kids are put on the trip.

It wasn’t humiliating to be made to sit and wait to be dealt with. It’s sad your son was upset enough to cry but as the saying goes “ if you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime.”

I think you know deep down your son has done something he shouldn’t and that’s why you won’t say what it was. Lashing out at staff won’t help.

Bad parenting makes bad adults.

Agreed.

You're thanking someone who admits to having no idea about panel meetings, simply because they agree with you. Whilst ignoring comments from people who have experience in this area.

Clearly the panel is a complete waste of time.

That is the same response my kiddos got from me. Poor choices have consequences.

@thepariscrimefiles oh yes, much more forcefully than I am .

@Pawparazzi @CaptainMyCaptain just another dig at private education. Yawn. Actually dictating this whilst I am in my helicopter

I remember being put on "the wall" at break for misbehaving - standinb against the wall when others were playing

I remember being shouted at when being asked my name was (again in trouble) for not saying sir, along the lines of "my name is teschique" "TESCHIQUE WHAT?!"

neither of which stick out to me as uncommon, heavy hahded or traumatic

Yep, this fuels OP's ridiculous notion that she's in the right.

15 years of teaching in both state and private schools taught me many things, one being that parents like this will never, ever back down.

@tachetastic @FrippEnos haha , literally about a metre away the library is. The head is a disaster on many fronts, many parents think so, I have never complained once and I have had 13 years of experience at the school with 3 children gpimg through it

Your reluctance to share the offence suggests it was something that needed consequences. You weren't there so I think you will have difficulty winning anything regarding what went on in the meeting - you don't know if your child's version is 100% factual and sadly wether it is or isn't there are 4 adults who will back each other. It's interesting you say he's 'usually' polite and mention nerves can we infer he was rude, disrespectful in the meeting?

I have already posted but I only just read your replies. I think all you can really do is be as prepared as possible. There are some very peevish teachers who no doubt work in all types of schools (I am a teacher) so I can see that one with a bee in their bonnet might think your child watching his friends go on the trip might be a suitable punishment. I said I didn’t think it was humiliating but now that I know it’s a feeling paying school I realise that maybe you are paying for there to be extra staff in school that could have supervised the two boys rather than them sitting there watching. I’ve never worked in a private school and there just wouldn’t be enough staff to have anyone else watch them in those settings but you would imagine you’re paying for better pastoral care.

I agree with another poster that you need to know what you want, a word of caution though. I doubt you’ll get an apology because it’s admitting fault and then once that’s happened they are opening themselves up to you taking it even further and they’ve already admitted fault so it’s not wise on their part unless they’ve no option (CCTV etc). Especially as there seemed to be little evidence that they’ve done anything against school policy - it’s all their word against your sons really. It will be easy for them to say that it was for his own safety that he was accounted for by whoever was present.

I would, if I were you say that you feel it was humiliating for your son because they’re your feelings which you are entitled to of course. I would maybe ask that your son receives an apology along the lines of ‘I am sorry if you felt humiliated, that wasn’t my intention’ that way your son will feel you have stuck up for him and received an apology without the head having to admit fault (which I doubt he will do).

I know you say you’re a Mum of 4 of 20+ years but so am I and I went horribly wrong with my young adult son, I was far too easy on him at a similar age as yours and stuck up for him at school and now he is awful. Horrible attitude and sense of entitlement, misogynistic if I’m being honest. Of course you may be right about your son but I thought I was right about mine too and I’m paying the price.

@DeepPanCrispAndEven why should a parent back down if they feel there is a cause for complaint?

When an adult starts responses with 'haha' it tells you everything you need to know.

Was he upset because his friends saw him sitting on the bench, or because he wasn’t allowed to attend the trip or because he got caught out doing something he shouldn’t have done hence the punishment? What would you have preferred the punishment to be?
Regarding having to address adults as ‘sir’, is this not good manners in school? Was he in the meeting as a result of a different incident than the bench incident?
It’s impossible to say whether the punishments were suitable or not as you haven’t said what he did wrong.

Hmm, so she won’t say what the boy did?

We can probably assume that the order to say “sir” after every sentence was probably in relation to him showing some kind of disrespect or dissent to the teacher that day. Answering back, speaking over them etc. Who knows.

As for the trip, there’s no chance that a little misdemeanour instantly ended in that punishment. I imagine he was sat to watch the other kids go past him to ram the feeling home of bad behaviour leading to exclusion from fun things.
You’d need to imagine he’d either done something bad or done something small but was given warnings of where the punishment was headed. Then, to nobody’s surprise, he’s the poor soul outside crying because a teacher actually followed through.

I think your polite, shy boy isn’t quite the person you think he is, OP. And from half of your replies on here, him being a lovely, well mannered kid is hard to believe anyway. 😂

I clerk school complaints panels. You should have been provided with a copy of the school’s procedures. The panel will give you chance to say everything you want to and you can also ask questions, usually through the panel chair (the panel governors will appoint a chair themselves). A few days before, you should also receive all the paperwork so there should be no surprises. Remember that the point of the process is so that a resolution can be reached, and it is non-adversarial. Make it clear what you are seeking and remain calm throughout so that you can get your point across effectively.

She didn’t say there shouldn’t be consequences

she’s challenged how they were applied

There isn't a cause for complaint

That's the whole jeffing point. What you think should happen and what actually happens are not the same thing.

I've worked in boarding schools, they're very different to state school regarding policies etc
However, I've also had a parent make a complaint about me. I was 'house' staff and I apparently refused to 'let' a child phone their parent (Year 8 child) Unfortunately what actually happened was the office where the phone was located was locked and the head matron advised me to try and distract said child as they could phone mum in the morning.
I've also had to go to a panel for my own son due to humiliation by a games teacher at a prep school. My son had a leg injury and said teacher kicked his leg away from him whilst running and was then witnessed standing on his leg. Shortly after my panel, the teacher and 2 others on his team left suddenly.
Obviously, you have a right to address what has happened and the school will formulate a response. They may apologise for handling the situation poorly, they may not, particularly as he's now left the school, they may present an argument of 'why does it matter'
Panels are minuted by a clerk, they are usually a set number of governors. The governors will appoint a chair. Having read your reasons, they will most likely feel that they caused embarrassment rather than humiliation and acknowledge that he could have been sent inside etc. Its also likely that if the evening trip was largely being supervised by boarding or house staff, then someone made a bit of an error of judgement and may well have been told that anyone not going on the trip wasn't permitted to go back into school (certainly where I worked we weren't permitted to send children back into school and this was also a prep school)
I'm sure you'll have the behaviour policy if he's been there for 9 years, we used to be told to issue 'blues' for good behaviour and 'red' for poor behaviour with various detentions etc if the number of red became too high. My sons school had a system where they moved them up and down a ladder, which didn't actually work as negative points put you '5 rungs' down a ladder and positive point only allowed movement up 1 rung, so inevitably the same children found themselves unable to reach the top.
I'd think about what you want the outcome to be and make that clear at the panel. As others have helpfully said, it may be too late for them to actually do anything in this case, also ensure that you don't pull previous arguments in as they will ignore them. I'd expect them possibly to give some vaguely worded apology that they didn't intend to cause upset but not much else.

There really is no cause for complaint here. Ex School governor here.

@TheLemonLemur rude or disrespectful? No. That wasnt reported. Extremely nervous, shocked, tearful and confused? yes

I am a Governor and sometime sit on panels.
We listen to a statement from The Head and any other teachers and then anyone else such a Social workers or a Parent.
Then we decide what to do
I am pretty impartial but in general I have mostly sided with The School, largely because I know the staff well and am pretty sure what their motivations are.
I think we also might suggest that if you were not happy with that way The School disciplines your child you would be more than welcome to remove them.