Complaint against school

[tubsters]

Posting with a name change to protect my child’s identity. Has anyone had experience with a Level 3 complaint panel hearing at a school?

My 12-year-old son, who has never really been in trouble before, was given what I feel were punitive and degrading punishments. For example, he was made to sit alone on a bench in the yard for about an hour, as all the other children walked past knowing he’d been excluded from a trip – a clear act of public humiliation.

He was also called into a meeting with the Head and three other teachers, where he was pressured to end every sentence with “sir.” He was clearly nervous, and this only heightened the power imbalance and distress he felt. he is usually very polite and would always use ‘sir ‘ in normal circumstances

I accept that children need discipline and have always supported teachers, but the way this was handled felt oppressive and unnecessary, especially for a child who posed no danger and was already anxious.

The Head has denied much of this, so I escalated it to the governors and it’s now going to a panel hearing. I feel quite daunted about going up against the school, but I strongly believe this needs to be addressed for my son’s sake and for other children in the future.

If anyone has been through a panel hearing and can share their experience or advice, I’d be really grateful.

You're right, neither of us was there. So why the clamour to dismiss the child's version? Yes, the child was upset but 3 adults who are facing a formal complaint would also have very good reason to downplay what happened.

Its more likely that both sides of this are not being entirely honest.
For whatever reason.

“There are three sides to every story: your side, my side, and the truth. And no one is lying. Memories shared serve each differently.”
― Robert Evans

You're probably right. But then there is no basis to believe the adults over the child.

Maybe because it seems that his mother believes he did misbehave, there was no physical assault alleged, he's left the school, reassuring him it's over and done with and encouraging him to enjoy the summer and start fresh next month is the best way to put it behind him. All add up to move on as no one can undo what happened.

That doesn't answer the question. Whether or not you think they should 'move on' doesn't address why you think it's OK to dismiss the child's version.

If you had been humiliated at work in front of your colleagues, and then bullied in a private meeting I'm not so sure you'd be so willing to let it go.

The child is trying and succeeding in deflecting, and getting back at those who punished him. Insisting he addresses staff appropriately is bullying!!!? I very much doubt the whole school were diverted to file past the blubbering boy. I think it was mire likely he was on the route they were taking from A to B. If op cares so much for her ds's emotional wellbeing, maybe a good start would be to not send him away from home at such a young age.

The OP chose the school not me, if she sent him to a school where she couldn't trust the staff that's on her not me.

The OP and her son have gone through his time at the school with him being the golden child, but if a shock to both of them to find he's actually no different to all the others.

I don't see any of it as humiliating or bullying. Imagine sending upset child to somewhere other children can't see him and he self harns? Much better and safer for him to be in plain sight. As to saying Sir it is the norm in that school, the mother supports it except when her son is being called out for not doing it.

Hopefully what he learns is to behave himself.

Schools double down though. A child has no chance of being heard if cowed in front of the head. It’s a very one sided investigation! Very difficult to think this is fair and child felt humiliated. We are supposed to consider dc now and not treat them as adult army recruits.

Was it an investigation or a telling off. I would assume the two teachers are there because they know exactly what he's done and the are waiting for his apology.

It's no wonder discipline is so poor when parents can't accept their little darling needs a telling off particularly when they have chosen an exclusive school with high standards.

Still not answering the question.

You worked in HR you say?

I saw this sometimes at my daughters school. Expensive boarding school for girls and DD was a day girl. Most parents would say one of the reasons they chose the school for their girls was because of the discipline. Said discipline was only ever welcomed when it was pointed at other girls. I would see quite a few parents fronting the head when the disciplinary process was aimed at their daughter then it was heavy handed, a misunderstanding or plain wrong.

I doubt that this was an investigation.
It was, i suspect, part of the "punishment". And for all the OP's minimising of what her DC did.
It must have been fairly bad to end up in front of the head.

I don't think he was humiliated, he sat on a bench while teachers were busy. He wasn't bullied he had a telling off for misbehaving. So yes I've considered all the I formation and dismiss his moaning about his bad behaviour being dealt with.

Exactly.

Particularly as she won't say what it was.

@TheignT Well whatever it was, it should have been explained to the op! If schools do not follow procedures or tell parents what is going on they will lose parental support.

I don’t know any parent choose a private school for discipline. We found that largely most dc disciplined themselves along the guidelines the schools expected. I’d be hard pushed to think of any occasion where a dc would be taken to the head for a military style dressing down. Maybe it’s a boy school thing? When joining a school I cannot think that many parents think anyone else’s child would be up in front of the head to maintain discipline either because schools can choose who they take.

What information have you 'considered'? Good grief, you have heard one side of the story. One side. And have zero idea about what happened in actuality. You've made up a lot of very generous allowances about what the teachers did or didn't do without any input from them at all - and have the arrogance to make a preemptive dismissal of one party's story before you've heard all the evidence.

I'm surprised you're happy to put that sort of ignorance on here tbh, especially as people could very easily draw a parallel to your professional capacity I certainly have.

It's clear you are very keen to see this child properly 'punished' and seem pretty het up that he might not be treated as harshly as you'd like.

I dont know what you are reading, but she says nothing of the sort!

"I don't think he was humiliated, he sat on a bench while teachers were busy. He wasn't bullied he had a telling off for misbehaving. So yes I've considered all the I formation and dismiss his moaning about his bad behaviour being dealt with."

"So yes I've considered all the I formation and dismiss his moaning"

dismiss his moaning

Sitting on a bench is not humiliating, he might have been embarrassed but the answer to that is don't misbehave. He was kept safe which is the important thing.

Do you think the head should have congratulated him on his behaviour? He had a telling off and given that his mother isn't denying he misbehaved that is entirely appropriate.

Three professionals dealt with the situation, get over it and move on

As to my professional reputation I had one instance in a career of over forty years where someone tried to take me to tribunal, it was thrown out so your opinion is irrelevant.

The OP fucked off ages ago. Why are people still arguing about this?!

On balance, you probably shouldn't have garbled all that out. The internet is forever, the less you say the more dignity you can keep.

I couldn't careless, I'm retired in my 70s and to be honest noone but you seems to have an issue. Maybe you're the one who should think about it.

Ahhhh, that explains it. Well, hope you feel happier soon.

Dont worry I'm happy, good pension, house paid, money in the bank and investments and just got asked to do some paid advisory work which will be very well paid. Good health and well brought up kids who have always known how to behave, probably helped by me backing schools up if they didnt. Life is good.