Complaint against school

[tubsters]

Posting with a name change to protect my child’s identity. Has anyone had experience with a Level 3 complaint panel hearing at a school?

My 12-year-old son, who has never really been in trouble before, was given what I feel were punitive and degrading punishments. For example, he was made to sit alone on a bench in the yard for about an hour, as all the other children walked past knowing he’d been excluded from a trip – a clear act of public humiliation.

He was also called into a meeting with the Head and three other teachers, where he was pressured to end every sentence with “sir.” He was clearly nervous, and this only heightened the power imbalance and distress he felt. he is usually very polite and would always use ‘sir ‘ in normal circumstances

I accept that children need discipline and have always supported teachers, but the way this was handled felt oppressive and unnecessary, especially for a child who posed no danger and was already anxious.

The Head has denied much of this, so I escalated it to the governors and it’s now going to a panel hearing. I feel quite daunted about going up against the school, but I strongly believe this needs to be addressed for my son’s sake and for other children in the future.

If anyone has been through a panel hearing and can share their experience or advice, I’d be really grateful.

The sir thing is strange as well. I do think that could be considered quite intimidating.

It's not strange at all, although it's normally told to the stroppier boys who sit there man spreading, slouched in the chair and answering everything with "Yeah" or "Nah".

We don't know that's what the kid was doing but we certainly don't know it wasn't either.

@Soontobe60 because I absolutely know my child how we regret acting in the situation and from what he told me and from what he told his friend straight afterwards--- I don't know about you but I know my children

You've had advice. From people who have been teachers, governors, led panels etc.

You don't want to hear that advice, you think you're right.

So why are you here?

Lol Ok.

To use a cheesy MN phrase

'I see you' 😉

@MrsPinkSky actually he was doing neither. He was standing up to attention hands out of pockets, tie straight, in a room with three teachers. He's small unassuming and shy.

Maybe the intention wasn’t to humiliate, but if the outcome was different (and we all know how kids react in these situations especially in groups ) , staff should have made the right judgement call and move them elsewhere

Who told you that ? Him ?

So you really don’t know, it’s just hearsay. I’ve seen far too many children tell their parent a different version of a behaviour issue in school to believe that every child tells their parent the absolute truth.
There will be your son’s version of what happened, there will be the teacher’s version of what happened and somewhere in the middle will be the absolute truth. You have no version though, because you were not there.

I have been involved in similar panels as a school governor.

you have been given good advice from some here.

at the moment you aren’t coming across well, and that will really work against you if you bring that attitude into the room.

keep it factual dial back the emotive language. Be very clear you aren’t questioning whether your son should have been punished, accept he mis behaved and the school has your support to discipline him. I hat you are questioning is the nature of punishment which you feel is disproportionate and inappropriate.

Review school policies carefully and quote them. Use their language. Be clear what you want the outcome to be.

Don’t pretend your son is perfect and beyond reproach. And don’t get thru back up - like you have done with a few people here 😊

And ignoring every single reply that doesn't validate your original issue. Or calling people twats. Can't imagine why your son got in trouble...
I'm on my 3rd teenager.....obvs not as experienced a parent as you with 4, but trust me, my darling, gorgeous, well behaved angels have all lied and fucked about at school. And yes, i know my kids. Well enough to know the face I get at home isn't always the face their teachers or friends get. It's being a realistic parent.

At the end of the day if a child feels humiliated then they have been. It doesn’t really matter what the ins and outs of the offence are, children still need to be treated with humanity and fairly even when they have misbehaved. If OP feels the way he was treated was unfair and caused her son to feel humilated then she has every right to question the school on it.

I think the idea of sitting on a 'misbehaviour' bench/area where other children can see you is a traditional and reasonable punishment. It's meant to be a little bit embarrassing. Their friends will see them there and then won't want to be in that position themselves.

If they are punished without the others knowing/seeing it doesn't deter that behaviour across the whole group.

I don't know why the teacher wound insist on the kid saying the word 'sir' after every sentence. There'd be little point from an educational perspective.

If the teacher denied they did that, you really need to either believe them or switch schools. But I wouldn't recommend the latter. Based on what you say.

Well, logistically, if that is where the member of staff supervising him was, then that is where he would have to be.

That does make me feel sad for him as it sounds very intimidating. I know you don't like people criticising your choice of private education, but is boarding school the right place for him?

I think intent is the issue here OP.

My ds had a teacher use humiliation, repeatedly on a single dreadful day, as a real 'I'll show you' (and then proceeded to email me the events of the day in a way which showed how she repeatedly escalated things with humiliation and unnecessarily punitive tactics). It still angers me two years on and I can't look at her. I did speak to the head as, having ranted to me on her very unprofessional email, while realy telling on herself, she then ignored three calm replies asking for a chat about it, and obviously decided she didn't want to talk about it anymore. Absolute wagon.

Anyway, I digress. In this situation, it seems from what you've said that something happened immediately before the trip which resulted in your ds and friend being excluded. In this case I can imagine the two teachers on duty saying 'Oh here we go. Right, you two can't bow go on this trip tonight. Sit there please while we sort out the group.' Or similar. Not ideal but if not a power thing to 'show them who's boss', I don't think it's quite so bad as for example loudly saying 'No, John and Martin can't come as they have no idea how to behave themselves, do we?'

Different again would be purposely sitting them there if the event was separate from the leaving for the trip. To me, it sounds like a practical but unfortunate situation and unless it's felt the teachers were out for punitive shaming, I'd let it go.

In my ds case he was taken out of PE and made to sit watching others for making an unkind comment at breaktime age 10. The PE activity was then changed from the planned one to his favourite! Following missing PE he was then made to stand at entrance to the schoolyard for all of lunchbreak where any passing teacher could see him and comment. That's the short story!

Your ds will be OK as will you. These things are upsetting and it's good that he cares and was instantly regretful. I believe perhaps that's why he was embarrassed more than anything and unfortunately, we all have to go through that as we make mistakes along the way.

If he has left then I doubt the governors will investigate anything. Chapter closed.

I think you've got more chance with the bench situation. The staff in the room will just back each other up. Is the Head denying he was told to sit on the bench or denying that it was deliberately intended to humiliate?

I could not disagree more!!

Why are you being so rude and so obtuse ? What did he actually do to warrant the punishment. I really don’t see what advice people can give if we don’t know what happened.

Very telling that op won’t say what he did - and yes it is relevant

This

Librarians aren't babysitters for poorly behaved teenagers upset at the consequences of their actions.

I am a governor and panel hearings are about deciding whether the school’s response was fair, proportionate and in line with their policies, and whether governors believe the school acted appropriately.

I would recommend reading up on the latter in terms of whatever your son did - for state schools, these are published on the school’s website

the meeting will take the format of hearing from you and from the school, then governors will deliberate and discuss, having asked your to leave, and then you’ll get a response afterwards, by letter/email.

in my experience, it is quite hard for parents to get what they want from these meetings, as the school is usually trying to save face, I imagine even more so in a private setting. The better prepared you are going in, the more likely it is that you will get the result you want to see. Keep calm and gather all the information you can ahead of time

They'll probably advise Home Schooling!

Sorry have I just understood that your son has left the school?

What are you hoping to achieve? A public flogging? A building named after him? Knighthood? Fast track to sainthood?