Complaint against school

[tubsters]

Posting with a name change to protect my child’s identity. Has anyone had experience with a Level 3 complaint panel hearing at a school?

My 12-year-old son, who has never really been in trouble before, was given what I feel were punitive and degrading punishments. For example, he was made to sit alone on a bench in the yard for about an hour, as all the other children walked past knowing he’d been excluded from a trip – a clear act of public humiliation.

He was also called into a meeting with the Head and three other teachers, where he was pressured to end every sentence with “sir.” He was clearly nervous, and this only heightened the power imbalance and distress he felt. he is usually very polite and would always use ‘sir ‘ in normal circumstances

I accept that children need discipline and have always supported teachers, but the way this was handled felt oppressive and unnecessary, especially for a child who posed no danger and was already anxious.

The Head has denied much of this, so I escalated it to the governors and it’s now going to a panel hearing. I feel quite daunted about going up against the school, but I strongly believe this needs to be addressed for my son’s sake and for other children in the future.

If anyone has been through a panel hearing and can share their experience or advice, I’d be really grateful.

You don't feel you are in a position to have much control in your own life, so you use your role as a parent to fulfill that need

If it wasn't actually part of their punishment then I honestly don't think you are going to get anywhere.

They are just going to say they told him to sit down for a minute while they sorted something else out and that any humiliation he may have felt was unintentional.

Presumably at that moment in time all those other staff were doing other things not sitting idly waiting for someone to go and get them to monitor two children who couldn't behave.

Sitting on the bench whilst they dealt with the rest of the children who were behaving and then dealing with your son and his friend seems much more sensible that a staff member having to take those misbehaving elsewhere to find someone to keep an eye on them and potentially delaying the rest of the class going on the trip.

Of course there's a power imbalance! 😂
Imagine how schools would be if everyone had equal power. Honestly, attitudes like yours are driving good people out of the profession.

As I said then
They were sat on benches whilst all the other kids got on the coaches / left for the trip.

The teachers priority was the other kids. Not yours at that moment.

Obviously your kid will be upset because they’ve been told off and they’re missing a trip but organising other kids too must be taken into account.

So
Sitting them on the bench was not the punishment and just a practical means to reach a legitimate end.

My Boys attended two private boarding schools and I can’t see our Heads giving an apology for this. Worth a try I suppose if you feel the need, nothing to stop you

Yes, clearly she's made her mind up about at all and expected MN to agree with her. Good to read so many sensible posts.

As your son has now left the school I would question the purpose of you going through this process when I can guarantee you will not get what you want out if it.

You will need to prove that the school did not follow their own policies and procedures and in doing so behaved inappropriately to your child.

You are arguing on the basis of your child's emotional response to a situation, which is subjective and so not something that can be proven to be right or wrong.

Feeling humiliated and upset after being punished is a normal emotional response and being in public view of other pupils was clearly an unavoidable situation in that moment in time rather than part of the punishment itself, as you have acknowledged. In order to have your complaint upheld at a panel hearing you would have to prove intent to humiliate and that would be nigh on impossible given the situation.

Your son being asked to use the word 'sir' as a mark of respect is not an unreasonable ask in a school environment where this is the norm, and him feeling humiliated when being asked to do so would therefore also be very difficult to prove as being an intentional desire on the behalf of the teachers involved.

If you are really intent on what I think in my professional judgement would be a pointless waste of time for all involved (I am a teacher of very long standing), my best advice to you when going into the panel hearing would be -

Keep everything factual - be clear about what policies and procedures you perceive the school has broken in their behaviour towards your son and back this up with evidence

Keep everything specific to this incident - do not talk about wider complaints with the school you have referenced in your responses to other posters

Keep your expectations realistic - the school are not going to admit fault and you are likely to not get the outcome you want.

Well for the girls who bullied my DD to the point she was suicidal I'd have done a lot more than make them sit on a bench for an hour. I really couldn't care less if it upset them after what they did to her.

It does depend what he's done.

@MissJoGrant I think the child is known to normally say this and always usually says sir, if they are obviously clearly distressed and very very nervous have never been called into a headmasters office before, being interrupted repeatedly to use the word sir does not seem acceptable to me, obviously I've used differ

Yeah mothers, sit down and shut the fuck up or authorities record you disagreeing with them as safeguarding concerns.

There's a possibility "the Head has denied much of this" as dc has embellished/exaggerated, even slightly, no? You cannot be certain what occurred as you were not there.

If he's in his last year and you have no other dc to go through the school I'd drop it. As pp have pointed out, there's rarely a clear victor in school complaints.

@Spies ok, there is literally no shortage of places that they could go including the library and a special hub which is created especially for places for reflection which is staffed all the time. They are not short of staff.

@ClarasSisters I just know my child very well and he is not one to embellish or lie. I say that with my hand on my heart and that's why I've taken it so seriously.

No , there are plenty if staff around , including boarding school staff, full time librarian etc.

This was my thought for a Year 12: why couldn’t he just work in the library?

Good governors don’t. Governors shouldn’t close ranks or take sides but they definitely do. I’ve been interviewed by governors as a subject leader and some of them haven’t got a clue.

But in that moment they needed to be supervised until the teachers decided what to do with them. Having misbehaved so badly they were being banned from the school trip, the teachers most likely wanted to keep an eye on them so they got them to sit on the bench.

what happened after the rest of the children left on the trip?

@TheignT I am sorry that happened to your child. I still feel that there is no situation in the modern day where children should be humiliated.

You're ignoring that it would have taken a staff member away from sorting the children for the trip to take them to an alternative location. Why do you think your child and his friend should have been prioritising over those who were not misbehaving?

I recall when my OH and friend's OH were teaching in the same school, friend and I were doing a few days of supply. At break as we walked through the Hall to go to the staffroom we saw our two daughters sitting cross legged on PE mats, hands on heads, they looked tearful when they saw us, the four of us managed to get through the door before collapsing with laughter. Turned there'd been a handbags at dawn mini scrap in the Wendy house. They were told in no uncertain terms not to do it again, they did have form, and they survived. No big deal.
Sometimes parents on this site attribute adult emotions to children.

Your child will never grow a backbone if he/you think that is really humiliating or degrading. What you describe really isn't. Most would get over that pretty quickly.

@Bananaandmangosmoothie he isn't in year 12 he is only 12 years old. There are lots of places that they could've sent him including the library which is fully staffed as well as a specific hub which is manned all the time for quiet time/reflection et cetera.

If he was visibly upset the teacher might have wanted to keep him where he could see him, you know to keep him safe. My DD self harmed in school toilets when she had been subjected to yet more bullying, kids who are upset can do foolish things when distressed.

So your DS and his friend did something that must have been pretty bad to stop them going on a trip that was happening at that very moment.

They were separated to stop them from messing around further and the other pupils where then allowed on the bus(?).

Whilst this was happening the teachers had a meeting to decide what to do with your DS and his mate and presumably sent for someone to look after them.

None of this so far is humiliation but a mix of safeguarding and safety.

The meeting with the head and three other people may or may not have happened as your DS describes. Either way the two other people are unlikely to side with your DS, so its his word against theirs.

You don't say when the meeting was,
Was it that day with three random teachers, or the next day and the three teachers were the ones that were taking the trip.

To be honest, you make a lot of judgements about My son you don't know about his life experiences or what he has been through in his family life that may have caused him to grow resilience. I think it's shameful that you judge children when I've only asked for advice.

They can be badly behaved enough to be excluded from a trip but they can't fib a little bit? Ok.