Complaint against school

[tubsters]

Posting with a name change to protect my child’s identity. Has anyone had experience with a Level 3 complaint panel hearing at a school?

My 12-year-old son, who has never really been in trouble before, was given what I feel were punitive and degrading punishments. For example, he was made to sit alone on a bench in the yard for about an hour, as all the other children walked past knowing he’d been excluded from a trip – a clear act of public humiliation.

He was also called into a meeting with the Head and three other teachers, where he was pressured to end every sentence with “sir.” He was clearly nervous, and this only heightened the power imbalance and distress he felt. he is usually very polite and would always use ‘sir ‘ in normal circumstances

I accept that children need discipline and have always supported teachers, but the way this was handled felt oppressive and unnecessary, especially for a child who posed no danger and was already anxious.

The Head has denied much of this, so I escalated it to the governors and it’s now going to a panel hearing. I feel quite daunted about going up against the school, but I strongly believe this needs to be addressed for my son’s sake and for other children in the future.

If anyone has been through a panel hearing and can share their experience or advice, I’d be really grateful.

Yes it is a private school

It is a small exclusive private school and he is in the last year - so not secondary.

Definitely not as assertive and no nonsense as I am. He is actually pretty shy

I was humiliated twice at school (once purely for not knowing the answer to a question I didn’t understand) and I still recall the humiliation of another child. I agree that humiliation is a shit way to discipline a child. It doesn’t teach a lesson in my opinion.

I know that’s not what you were looking for, I don’t know anything about panels. I don’t know what your son did or if the discipline he received was appropriate or not, just talking about humiliation as a punishment.

So is this about him or you now @tubsters ?

Honestly I don't think you are going to "win" and it is obviously very stressful and upsetting for you.

Isn't your time and energy better used in other ways? Maybe put in writing how you feel and then leave it- I don't see them apologising and will only waste more time and resources and get you no where but angrier.

Sometimes winning is not fighting any more...

I agree with you

my kid has detentions and it was in a private room

this is private no reason for full view as I would not like my boss to expose my performance to others

to your point yes we have been to level three complain where in that round we presented our case the Principle and 3 staff from leadership team and we won (it was private school and we asked for half fees off)

we were prepared, presented our case of how the school failed expectations and how this impacted our kids life and ours

good luck x

I guess i am kind of angry. We have gone through 9 years of towing the line, never , ever complaining, being the ‘good parents ‘ even when there has been some really questionable behaviour by other boys over the years towards my son. And his first alleged misdemeanour they threw the book at him . It has really pissed me off.

Thank you for your kind reply. Can I just ask how you prepared please?

And his first alleged misdemeanour they threw the book at him

He was asked to sit on a bench.

OP do yourself a favour and drop it. You are only embarrassing yourself, and you should be aware this stuff will be recorded on CPOMS and passed on to the next school. You will come across as someone who has problems with authority, and mark your son's card before he even starts.
I should bloody well hope that there is an imbalance of power between SLT and a 12 year old pupil! How on earth could a school run otherwise?
I don't know about the sittingbon a bench stuff but I guess it was a supervision issue. Did you really expect the school to magic up an extra adult to supervise your DS while they loaded the others up on the coach or whatever was happening at the time. If he us naughty and is punished and cries, the school are not expected to pander to his embarrassment.
You strike me as someone who feels they lack agency in their own life and is trying to redress that by attempting to (inappropriately) exert parental authority.

I got DH to present as he is very non - emotive

any kind of emotion unless is quiet disappointment and sadness will not work

we prepared couple of days before based on

• what school had promised (to earlier discussions with us and what they advertised as school ethos)
• what happened to our kid as a result of schools approach (very important to mention mental health, could be anxiety, humiliation, panic, sadness, avoidance going out/engaging)
• on the day it was a Teams call, no presentation slides or anything but DH put his distraught face on and was clear “how saddened we were with school’s approach etc..as did not expect based on ….”
• it’s super important to highlight WHY you chose that school (based on what), and what you end up getting
• i can’t emphasise enough how calm and emotionless you must be

we won, decided to leave that school as we ended up hating it , and were delighted we didn’t have to pay half of very expensive fees

good luck x

My boarding school, which had day girls who used to go home as well as boarders, used to have a punishment known as hat detention, where you had to stand in your full school uniform including your hat at the front of the school beside the doors of the main exit at the end of the day while everyone filed past you.
You then got to leave last after everyone else had seen you.

They stopped it in the 80s on the grounds it was an abusive punishment that only served to humiliate.

I would seriously question a school that used humiliation as a punishment in 2025.

Op just drop it.
No offence but you need and a lot of other parents need to except the fact that your kids are not always angels when you are not around.

He done wrong got asked to sit on a bench.
Your acting like its the 1900s with public humiliation.

I am really intrigued by your last paragraph ? Can you expand please

So you still won't tell us the "alleged misdemeanour".
You sound vengeful when confronted with your child's misbehaviout.
Yes, that is presumptuous, but what else do we think when we don't know what he "allegedly" did.
It's kind of relevant.

This is exactly what I think! Thank you. I too went to boarding school and things were supposed to have changed. What would you do?

Believe me, as an experienced parent of 4 kids over 20 years I do accept my children (and other children) are not angels

No- it isn’t actually relevant. No child should be subject to humiliating punishments no matter what they do.

I am not embarrassed in the slightest ! It takes a lot to embarrass me - and standing up for my children is not one of them

The trouble is you see it as they sat him there for humiliation but it wasn't the purpose of him being there. He might have felt embarrassed that others had seen him upset but he wasn't sat there with the intention of being publicly humiliated, he was sat there because he needed to be supervised by an adult when happened to be also teaching a lesson.

He wasn't humilated. He was asked to sit on a bench, presumably so the staff could keep an eye on him as well as the other students. Yes he was upset, but that's what happens when a child realises the consequences of their actions.🤷‍♀️

Surely they have other places to get him to reflect?

@tubsters Some posters are missing the point that schools have behaviour policies (behaviour for learning) and these should be followed. I’ve attached one listing punishments that’s published for my local school. You need to look at your policy.

I am assuming this is a strict school if addressing teachers as “sir” is required. What are women called? Very formal for 2025.

Going back to the behaviour policy - be honest about what dc has done and his pattern of behaviour. Then look at the punishments they list. Obviously litter picking (as listed here) is humiliating but is this worse than sitting on a bench? Not sure. Usually a punishment must fit the crime and not be plucked out of thin air. So when you prepare your complaint, tie it in to what they say in the policy. They cannot wing it. When does a dc see the head? Should a parent be present? What had they done to warn dc and how did they try and improve his behaviour? Was it a one off or repeated annoyances? Look very carefully at the policy and if the punishment doesn’t fit, then it’s grounds for complaint.

Sounds to me that's exactly what they were doing

I don't think that sitting on a bench is humiliating.

I'd also like to know the index offence.