Complaint against school

[tubsters]

Posting with a name change to protect my child’s identity. Has anyone had experience with a Level 3 complaint panel hearing at a school?

My 12-year-old son, who has never really been in trouble before, was given what I feel were punitive and degrading punishments. For example, he was made to sit alone on a bench in the yard for about an hour, as all the other children walked past knowing he’d been excluded from a trip – a clear act of public humiliation.

He was also called into a meeting with the Head and three other teachers, where he was pressured to end every sentence with “sir.” He was clearly nervous, and this only heightened the power imbalance and distress he felt. he is usually very polite and would always use ‘sir ‘ in normal circumstances

I accept that children need discipline and have always supported teachers, but the way this was handled felt oppressive and unnecessary, especially for a child who posed no danger and was already anxious.

The Head has denied much of this, so I escalated it to the governors and it’s now going to a panel hearing. I feel quite daunted about going up against the school, but I strongly believe this needs to be addressed for my son’s sake and for other children in the future.

If anyone has been through a panel hearing and can share their experience or advice, I’d be really grateful.

i haven’t RTFT but I would be using the panel review to give the events a good airing, get them to explain themselves, ask they why they didn’t use alternative punishments.

I would consider having some hypothetical questions ready for them about what they consider is and isn’t a degrading punishment.

I don’t think you will get an apology, so I would think about what their behaviour policy says and whether you can demonstrate they have breached it or whether you can demonstrate that it is inadequate and needs to be re-written.

The OP's son is 12. Not a Year 12.

Absolutely right that he needed to be constantly supervised.

In the moment, the teachers in charge clearly didn't have the ability to take the OP's son and his misbehaving friends elsewhere and so they had to sit and wait while a decision was made, in view of their friends.

I have done this many times as a teacher.

And what would I say to a child who told me they had found it humiliating?

Well, you shouldn't have done what you did, then.

Actions have consequences. It's an important lesson to learn.

As a parent, you need to support this learning opportunity rather than encouraging your child to believe the school is the problem and not his behaviour.

Another child that never lies or embellishes. Another surprise.

I wouldn’t be letting a badly behaved child out of my sight when they’d behaved so badly they were banned from a trip. Can’t you see how bad an idea that would be from a teacher’s pov?

What did your child and his friend do? I wouldn’t be sending a child or children who bullied another away to sit in a quiet space and trust that they would go straight there and sit there. I wouldn’t be sending a child who had been violent anywhere for the same reason.

@FrippEnos actually that's not what happened at all. He goes to a private boarding school and it was an evening excursion with the other children that he missed this was as the teachers were deciding on his punishment. It didn't need to be in full view and as a result meant that he missed a trip even before punishment had been actually formally given. Although it is difficult to believe My son doesn't really mess around , or lie

Humiliated? So in my DDs situation the girls definitely deserved to be humiliated, didn't worry them when they humiliated her, it affected her mental health for years.

We do need the facts about the misdemeanour here OP sorry. It isn’t humiliating in my opinion but that does depend on whether the sitting on a bench watching people and being watched was done as part of the punishment (probably unnecessary as missing the trip was or should have been the actual punishment - standard and good practise IMO) by a peevish teacher or whether it was just that he needed to be in a place where SLT or his tutor could see him and they were needed in that place. It’s always hard when it’s your own child but being made to say sir etc isn’t really a big deal either. Remember your child will have put their own slant and feelings into the explanation of how it all happened (as many of us do).

So he was excluded from the trip for no reason?

I idly read this post through.

So interesting. The OP will not, cannot accept that actions might have unintended consequences. We still don’t know what this 12 year old did- it may be of no consequence, not knowing 🤷🏽‍♀️ . I’m intrigued as to why the poster isn’t ’letting this go’. As her child has effectively left the school.

I’m reminded of a short-lived policy in an Australian hospital I worked in. If someone says they were bullied/humiliated, we had to believe them. Regardless of the evidence.

If the OP’s son had sat there, defiant, silent, arms folded? If he’d burst into tears? Does that change anything? Who defines ‘humiliated’?

You need to walk away. For the sake of your son and his ongoing secondary education.

So do you think he was punished for something he didn't do?

I’m anything but spiteful or bitter.

You sound unrealistic.

Are there any witnesses/ cctv to corroborate either your son’s version of events or the headteachers? I think this will determine how likely you are to get the outcome you want.

This reminds of the thread where the dad wouldn’t let go of a school incident where he felt he was lied to and wronged.

I'll remind you of a school punishment which is humiliating and degrading: Welsh speaking children, at the start of the 20th century, being forced to wear a piece of wood around their neck with 'Welsh Not' engraved on it, as a punishment for speaking Welsh ... a punishment imposed by the English.

Really! children of today need to 'get a grip'.

Have you actually checked that the sitting on the bench as others filed past was part of the punishment? Or was it just where he was put so he could be supervised while the teacher was busy? Or did he misbehave on the morning of the trip and was told he wouldn’t be going and to wait on the bench while the others left until he could be dealt with?

I dont think humiliation is a valid punishment but we don't even know if this was done as part of the punishment with the intention of humiliating him or whether he was told to sit on the bench while the teacher dealt with children who were going on the trip. Were they filed past him with the intention of humiliating him or were they just going that way to get on the coach or whatever?

I think he must have done something quite serious to be banned from a trip when he's leaving

@EnidSpyton so just to be clear you are a teacher, and you believe that a child should be sat in a yard on a bench on their own and watch all their friends past them while they're crying. There is no history of bullying or violence on reading the documentation. No punishment should be humiliating or degrading for a child. I suggest you urgently review these documents as a professional.

Well clearly your son does mess around, otherwise he wouldn't have been banned from the excursion, would he?

I organise and clerk school complaint panels. I say that so you understand I’m an impartial person with experience of attending many over the years, and talking to many parents. No, they didn’t always side with schools. Many have independent governors from other schools in attendance even.

Firstly, I would take on board comments about attitude and approach. The governors are human, if you are are obstinate and refuse to discuss things it will affect the panel. They end up a bit disengaged as it feels unresolvable and a bit pointless, I’ve seen it happen many times that a parent asserts something over and over without expanding. The panel can’t find out anything, nothing is upheld. From your account so far I can’t really get to the bottom of if for example he was on a bench in a corner out of need, or on a bench on stage at the front of assembly as a ridiculed example and shamed with an audience listening.

I’d also make your complain concrete. Look at the behaviour policy, code of conduct and clearly state how you believe it was breeched. Not just stating your opinion or differing viewpoint. If it has a quote such as punishments will be…., state it. Or if you have examples of disproportionate or unfair treatment in comparison to others- state it. At the moment you just sound angry about things, but not specific at all. It may or may not be within school policy or typical practice. Remember the panels role is to decide if the school breeched policy or acted unfairly, not to decide if your son is lovely or not. I remember one panel having to tell a parent the school does not have ‘naughty’ or ‘lovely’ students that are treated accordingly if they do wrong, they strive to have an equitable policy in which every student has a fair change and equal opportunity.

Every 12 year old can lie. And does. Every single one at some point.

they all test the boundaries and push their luck and minimise their part in any shenanigans.

He did something he shouldn’t have and he was punished.

He wasn’t tarred and feathered. He wasn’t hung drawn and quartered.

He was made to sit on his arse and miss a trip whilst the teachers decided what to do with him and his mate. Big fucking deal.

You've been nothing but rude to me after I tried to ascertain more information to help you, so this does not surprise me one tiny bit.

Good luck OP…..any form of humiliation as a punishment is not acceptable regardless of what your DC did or didn’t do.

@CaptainMyCaptain I think that's the issue here that the punishment for something that he did was too much. If he had done something really bad I would've understood - this was not part of the punishment. This was the teachers deliberated on what the punishment was.

you sound charmimg